Day 1: farewell fibromyalgia and all the rest

[mina]

Hello everyone,

I have read Dr Sarno's book and started using his method on and off for about a month and a half as I was working full time and to be honest, after reading his book 3 times I started growing fed up with it, I felt I needed something more so I am very happy that the TMS wiki program exists, this is a wonderful gift. Like Janet in the video, my condition has cost me plenty of money, certainly the equivalent of a sports car... and seeing that all this is free is very important as for the 1st time I am not under the impression that I am being ripped off by some dishonest dream seller. I think that once a person has been through real excruciating debilitating pain, her/his most vigorous will is to share her/his knowledge and sharing doesn't mean selling.
Whilst doing the program I have seen improvements, then setbacks, pain moving but I know this is working. I have very meaningful dreams that I try to use as insights into what my subconscious is angry at and it is always my father.
Two weeks ago I had a massive argument with my parents and told my mother I didn't want to ever see them or hear about them. Realising the harm they have caused makes the "breaking up" task easier, this is something I had always wanted inside, from my early teen years: breaking loose, leaving my parents, not seeing them again. Now aged 45 I am doing it.
I have also deicided to not go back to work in September (I am a teacher) and take the necessary time to heal and then very probably try my best at some other type of work as teaching is no longer my cup of tea. After five years spent working though I had horrible pain in my legs, so much so that I cannot write on the board and need a computer and teach while seated, I have decided to be gentle to myself, stop pushing me as I would not ask anyone to do what I have been doing, this is plain torture.
Making this decision is terribly empowering, I don't feel under pressure any more, I will be at home, do my stuff, write, read, play with my dog and also try to rebond with my partner as body pain has killed my sex drive.
This is it for today. I send a lot of hope and warmth to everyone on this forum, we are all on the right track, doing the right things, I am sure.
Mina

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Mina. I think you have taken excellent steps toward being healthy, pain-free, and happy.
Dr. Sarno's book has helped many people, some instantly, but most of us take longer.
Perhaps you should take a "vacation" from trying to discover the TMS emotions that are very likely causing your pain.
The SEP program has really helped many people, me included, so I hope you will stick with it.

You may feel guilt for breaking up with your parents. If you do, just consider it another vacation, this one from them.
Time wounds all heels, they say.

Teaching can be very stressful, and all the paperwork required now may be making it an occupation less desired than previous.
You are right-on with lightening up on yourself and starting a new direction toward calm.
I am a huge lover of dogs so it warms my heart that you are going to spend more time with yours.

Good luck with your partner. Your relaxed mental state ought to be a big help.

 

[mina]

Hi Walt, a million thanks for your heart warming message. Your dog is lovely by the way ;-)
I certainly feel guilt about my parents but honestly it is also like getting rid of a burden. So far I have tried to put a nice face but I could not
any more and I have this deeply rooted hatred towards my father which is something that has always made me suffer and when I muted my
tears, pain arrived.
Only when looking back on things I can understand them.
Yes, teaching has become a horrible profession in my country and till I am fully recovered I will stick to my decision of not seeing one pupil.
Some classes are lovely and you bond with them but the next class is horrible and you want to go back home. It's too full of ups and downs for me
for the moment. And as I said, I am entitled to a year of sick leave and I know this is the right time to take it. I have understood that I had to
listen to my inner child, I am more important than the French national education system!

Thanks for your wise advice.

Mina

 

[Kiara]

Thanks for sharing Mina! All the best with the Structured Education Program. I'm interested in exploring my dreams as well, since I've noticed that I've had a few dreams involving intense anger/rage towards my parents. I know there must be a lot of subconscious anger there, but sometimes it's hard to tap into when I'm in a conscious, awake state.

 

[mina]

Well, the more you think that working on your dreams is important, the more dreams you will make. Funnily, I have told my subconscious mind that tough and meaningful dreams were ok on Saturdays as I then have time to write them down and think over their meaning and this is what happens, I had my Saturday dream.
Now that I am on holidays, I have dreams at other moments, these meaningful dreams occur during very profound sleep, the kind of sleep you find hard to get away from, you fall back asleep for a while, etc.
You can also use mediation as a tool to be more in touch with your subconscious but this is something I don't manage to do. To me, whatever thought I can have when I am awake is not always REALLY what my subconscious has in mind.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Last night, surfing Youtube for videos, I found an interesting one on dreams.
It's from J.P. Sears, an emotional healer in California, called "What Do Dreams Mean?"
I'm no dream expert and do not recommend or endorse what Sears says, but think it is good food for through.

Sears offers healing advice on many topics and I find them helpful. He does not mention TMS but his thoughts and techniques are very much
like Dr. Sarno and other TMS practitioners. He sums it all up in a video called "Lose Belly Fat Through Emotional Healing" which includes mindfulness, journaling, meditation, deep breathing... all essential techniques for TMS healing.

His other Youtube videos are on overcoming fear, on anger management, self-acceptance, dealing with criticism, guilt, how to forgive, relationships, how to stop being bullied, the Inner Child. A ton of free videos about most of the things that cause TMS pain.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Mina, Sears' Youtube video on guilt is worth watching.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

It's called "How to Let Go of Guilt."

I also like the one on "How to Forgive," which I think is so important, not only to forgive those who trespass against us, but to forgive ourselves.
In caretaking, we can only do so much.

 

[mina]

Thanks Walt,

I will try to watch some videos you mention, they seem interesting and helpful.
Forgiveness is very important, my guess is that we have to forgive ourselves before we can forgive people who have offended us.
It is like love, we have to love ourselves before we are able to love other people.

 

[hecate105]

Thanks Walt will look those up.
Mindfulness is an excellent tool. It is like a 'holiday' for a little while.
The 'programmes' on here are great and really help. I also found reading 'Molecules of Emotion' by Candace Pert very helpful for understanding how it all works.
I too had 'so called' fibromyalgia and a huge amount of emotional stress against both parents. My Dad is dead so he was much easier to deal with! I had to take time out from seeing my Mum, sometimes I really could not of even looked at her never mind been civil. But two years down the line I can see her regularly and only occasionally feel like slapping her! I was able to see that both my parents had psychological problems too - and their parents as well. Like the poem says 'Man hands on misery to man, it deepens like a coastal shelf'.
I think you are wise to take time out for yourself, sort out the problems, but also be kind to yourself and spend time de-stressing - being in nature, mindfulness, whatever makes you calm and happy. Good luck