Day 1, Desperate, Doubtful, Discouraged but Determined

[Mshannah]

Shoulder pain started as twinge after a very average weight workout 7 months ago...right before going "home" for Christmas...where I didn't want to go, a place I now hate going, where I had a blowup with my dad after he made racist remarks, and PS, he is currently LIVING with debilitating shoulder, hip and thumb/joint pain at the young age of 67.

My shoulder has gotten much worse, sometimes radiating down arm to wrist. Other shoulder sometimes hurting, as well as other wrist, neck too from being anxious about turning shoulder wrong way and causing shooting pain.

My life coach/therapist and also my voice coach both had debilitating back pain, they later determined to be TMS and have been cured. Their stories are miraculous.

I have been writing, talking to pain, feel I KNOW why it is here, FEEL willing to let it go, with little relief except it sometimes moves around in my shoulder, which I am told is good, but I am never not in pain, at least a low grade pinching/burning... and when there is a stabbing level 10 shooting pain it is hard to believe it is TMS.

It feels like my arm is "broken" in some way, that I am broken, or not doing it right, and I will never have the abundant, joyful life I was on track to have, as it slowly steals my life and energy to fight.

I am also recovered from an eating disorder, and it has begun to trigger that old stuff. Basically, my life was really starting to expand, now I don't want to leave the house, because being in pain around people sucks, and managing pain at home is easier.

My growing life is shrinking... and after so much trauma I'd lived through, it had taken me so long to really make it grow. So discouraged and desperate...hoping you can help.

ANY encouragement, words of wisdom appreciated.

 

[Ivanka]

Hi Mshannah,

I saw a pain doctor a couple of weeks ago. I have knee and back diagnosis, but no shoulder diagnosis (my pain also spreads from my shoulders down to my wrists and never ever goes away). To my surpise she advised me not to take x-rays or mri's of my shoulders as the diagnosis could make the pain even worse. She basically confirmed my self TMS diagnosis. I have both knees, both shoulders/arms, neck, back - pain, headaches, anxiety, insomnia... you name it

Did you get your TMS diagnosis confirmed by a doctor? I have learned from this wiki and also from my own experience, this is very important.

Anyway... I'm also quite new to this TMS stuff, so can't give much advice. For me the most important part is knowledge and understanding. This is why I read everything I can get about pain and how it is created by the brain (emotions...). This wiki is full of very useful information. I would suggest to get as much information as you can, ask questions, try different techniques - see what works for you. Keep in mind we are all different/unique so there is no universal recipe to get better. Try to learn to listen to yourself.

Finally I want to say that after reading the TMS materails and starting the SEP I feel a little more optimistic about my life, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm currently at day 22. My pain and anxiety levels havent improved/changed much, but Rome wasn't built in a day. I know some lucky people get better simply by reading the book (which makes me really envious), but I think that the majority of us need more time & work.

Don't give up. You are not alone in this!