Day 1 Day 1 and a question!

[RobertHodgson]

Hello,

This is Day 1 of my TMS wiki recovery. I have had TMS for over 2 years now. The pain moves all over my body and at times is excruciatingly painful but normally resides in my back and neck.

The Pain started after the summer I left school, in the year I took out before starting University. I am now 20 years old and studying History at Bristol University.

I have actually read John Sarno's book on TMS. Like many others I saw my self on every page. I have all the personality traits that generate a lot of anger and anxiety as well as being very negative about myself, being generally unhappy and recognising a lot of issues I had at the time when my TMS developed.

Yet inspire of this I still have a crippling level of pain throughout my body. At times I have no pain, for example when Im in the gym, playing sport, laughing with friends, out drinking or partying or in a adrenaline fuelled situation like an interview however at other times, for example at my desk working or by myself in public the pain is so severe I can't help but focus on it.

I believe this is my downfall, as I know I have TMS. I know I generate a lot of anger and anxiety from my personality traits but I am very bad at thinking psychological! When I have out bursts of pain, which is now all the time I tend to think about the pain. Sometimes I can't think of a trigger because I wake up with the pain and it stays with me all day! Because I now have chronic pain and therefore finding a cause for the pain every second of the day is difficult I have decided to try the TMS wiki guide, applying journaling and meditation.

If you want to message me with any help or advice Id be really grateful- especially concerning my problem with how to think psychological about my pain when I wake up with it and its there all day! Thank you,

Robert Hodgson, 20 years old, United Kingdom- England.

roberthodgson@hotmail.co.uk

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Ho, Robert. I'm so glad you came to TMSWiki and told about yourself. It really seems that you have TMS,
but since you're at a university you ought to be able to see a doctor there for a checkout to see if there is anything
structurally wrong with your back or neck. Even if something is found, it might not mean you need medication
or surgery. The cause could still be TMS, either from repressed emotions that may go back to your childhood
or because of your personality which is probably perfectionist and "goodist," wanting everyone to like you.

It isn't easy for many people to believe 100 per cent that their pain is TMS psychological and not structural,
but that's necessary for healing. It's good that you're journaling and meditating. Those are two of the best
things to do in TMS healing.

You've probably read also about the benefits of deep breathing. Inhale through the mouth to the count of
about six, hold the breath a few seconds, then breathe out slowly through the nose a little longer than
you breathed in. Breathing out, imagine impurities and pain and anxieties going out of your body and mind.

You're going to learn more about yourself and others through TMS study and I wish I had learned
about it when I was your age!

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Hey Robert Welcome aboard. Thinking psychological is about thinking what is bothering you either in the now or in the past and thinking about it emotionally. Something that you never got to process, or a problem instance from now like current pressures and your reactions to outside stimuli like whats agitating you besides the pain ya know. Let me know if this clicks ok, thanks.

 

[RobertHodgson]

Hey guys, thanks for the help! both of your advice was great. Im learning a lot more about TMS now and its all very relatable to myself and my condition. I 100% have TMS and the personality for it.

From my reading today on Day two of the programme I learnt two very interesting things;

Tension Myositis Syndrome symptoms are initiated by our fear of "not being good enough." - this is big for me as I am constantly being negative about myself for not being good enough, whether its not being productive enough and achieving enough in my life- I usually feel like this after comparing myself to others, or perfectionism in my gym sense, that I'm not big enough or ripped enough from my workouts or even that I'm not being fun or interesting or cool in a social situation- I actually fear social interactions for these reasons. So yes, I have a lot of fear for not being good enough and I am my own severest critic often feeling that Im not good at anything and inferior to others.

The second thing I learnt today was about secondary gain theory. I had often thought that I use TMS as an excuse, because when I'm playing football I have no pain, I think because I'm enjoying myself and it's exercise but when Im at my desk trying to study I have severe back pain. But I learnt today this is not caused for an excuse not to work, it is still caused by the primary reason for the pain; a distraction from my repressed emotions and partly due to conditioning.

On a separate thought I really think a TMS app is in order! an app that you go on if you are in pain. You select where the pain is and then it asks you what is causing your pain- giving you an option list of stressors, ie. insecurities? fear of not being good enough? past? conscientious? wanting to be liked? and you can think about the reason why you are in pain with help from the app. It then logs and saves your answers and locations. After a prolonged usage of the app it should be able to show a correlating map of your emotional issues and moving pain!


Thanks again for your help guys, I can't wait for the day I don't have TMS. I will fell reborn.


Rob

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Hey guys, thanks for the help! both of your advice was great. Im learning a lot more about TMS now and its all very relatable to myself and my condition. I 100% have TMS and the personality for it.

From my reading today on Day two of the programme I learnt two very interesting things;

Tension Myositis Syndrome symptoms are initiated by our fear of "not being good enough." - this is big for me as I am constantly being negative about myself for not being good enough, whether its not being productive enough and achieving enough in my life- I usually feel like this after comparing myself to others, or perfectionism in my gym sense, that I'm not big enough or ripped enough from my workouts or even that I'm not being fun or interesting or cool in a social situation- I actually fear social interactions for these reasons. So yes, I have a lot of fear for not being good enough and I am my own severest critic often feeling that Im not good at anything and inferior to others.

The second thing I learnt today was about secondary gain theory. I had often thought that I use TMS as an excuse, because when I'm playing football I have no pain, I think because I'm enjoying myself and it's exercise but when Im at my desk trying to study I have severe back pain. But I learnt today this is not caused for an excuse not to work, it is still caused by the primary reason for the pain; a distraction from my repressed emotions and partly due to conditioning.

On a separate thought I really think a TMS app is in order! an app that you go on if you are in pain. You select where the pain is and then it asks you what is causing your pain- giving you an option list of stressors, ie. insecurities? fear of not being good enough? past? conscientious? wanting to be liked? and you can think about the reason why you are in pain with help from the app. It then logs and saves your answers and locations. After a prolonged usage of the app it should be able to show a correlating map of your emotional issues and moving pain!


Thanks again for your help guys, I can't wait for the day I don't have TMS. I will fell reborn.


Rob

This is super cool Rob, your connecting all the dots and putting the puzzle together and thinking of good innovation for apps at the same time, I'd say that is thinking psychological too.
Ok you know what fear can do and the focus so go ahead and have a worry free week as much as you can. Meditate twice a day to calm down your nervous system too -- like 15 minutes mid-morning and 15 minutes mid-afternoon. This will help you get back to feeling better sooner than you think and always visualize seeing yourself totally healed and complete, the way you want to be -- then hold that thought as it's true now - in the now.
Bless you