Cutting ties (TW)

H

HealingNow

Well known member
I had a traumatic experience this weekend, I am physically safe now and it’s over, but I wasn’t at the time. However, it has finally made me see that I need to cut ties from people in my family for my own emotional (and now physical) safety. To be honest, I now feel free.

Does anyone have any advice how to do this with a felt sense of safety (from any experience)?

When the boundary has crossed from emotional safety to physical safety (after over 20 years) I finally feel the courage to say no. To not be taken from, to not people please, to not be good all the time.

I know that I shouldn’t “be a victim” but I can finally stop because if i separate from them, I can finally stop being a victim of it, as it will no longer be ongoing. I can move forward with my life without fear of not being believed and without threat of emotional and physical pain.

if anyone has any advice about moving forward, it would be gratefully received.
 
HealingNow said:
if anyone has any advice about moving forward, it would be gratefully received.
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If it were me I'd write down what recently happened with your other reasons for cutting ties. Then stash it away somewhere safe and only read it if you are ever tempted to make connections with them again (because with the passage of time it's so very easy to second guess oneself even when one knows that things were appalling and our actions were appropriate and also because we want things to have been different). Other than that -- just don't look back! Plan for a safe future without them.
 
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BloodMoon said:
If it were me I'd write down what recently happened with your other reasons for cutting ties. Then stash it away somewhere safe and only read it if you are ever tempted to make connections with them again (because with the passage of time it's so very easy to second guess oneself even when one knows that things were appalling and our actions were appropriate and also because we want things to have been different). Other than that -- just don't look back! Plan for a safe future without them.
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Thank you, I’m going to write it all down with pinpoint accuracy. I have a tendency to forgive and forget pretty quickly. This is really good advice
 
I cut ties with someone last year. My advice is to feel the feelings and look at the layers of emotions as you do the work.
In my experience, your confidence with your decision grows over time. It may through others for loop but you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. Foster the safety and security of you knowing exactly when to say no, and recognize how you have your own back and you do know how to stand up for yourself even if it makes others uncomfortable. Be proud of your ability.
 
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