Day 1 crossing fingers and toes

I've had pain in my lower back and shooting debilitating pains, nerve spasms, and trigger point sensitivity in my left leg /left glute. I'm basically shuffling around at about 10% of my normal walking pace, find it difficult to stand or sit for long periods, the whole nine yards basically.

On a good day I can laugh it off and say 'hey isn't it funny I'm walking through life as if I was strolling through a museum' on a bad day I'm seriously contemplating suicide. For a bit of perspective, before this I was training in Brazilian jiu jitsu 4-5 times a week on a good week, doing yoga three times a week and working out at the gym 2-3 times. I did find room in there for interacting with other humans doing fun stuff too ;-), but just flagging up how drastic the physical restrictions are.

Effectively moving around like a zombie has been heartbreaking. I've tried everything else and feel there is no way out of this and so I want to fully commit to the TMS programme as best I can. I've never posted on a forum before so thanks for letting me join and wish me luck. ;-)

 

Welcome @horntye - and you're in good company, perhaps not so much among the younger set, but I know there are a lot of us who had never posted on a public forum before this one. That was certainly me back in 2011 and I'm pretty sure I said the same thing - that I'd never posted on a public forum until then. And here I am, 12 years later, along with a bunch of other folks who stick around because we want to participate in this supportive community. And this is a lot more rewarding than most social media.

The SEP is a great way to get started doing this work. Keep us posted, and don't hesitate to ask for support or reassurance if things get worse. That's actually a normal experience as your brain starts fighting back against looking at negative or repressed emotionsl - the TMS mechanism is literally a very primitive piece of your brain which interprets any fear response as if you're about to be eaten by a sabre-tooth tiger, because it doesn't know any better. In other words, if your symptoms get worse as you get into the work, that's actually good news! Some reassurance from others who have been there goes a long way, and that's what we're here for.

~Jan