Cried today for the first time in years

Well - I broke down and cried tonight and learned something. I posted in my other thread that I have seen my TMS move from my leg to my vision and head. Feel flush, confused, foggy.

So I went to get a detailed eye exam today. It was all clean. Optic nerves look great. Nothing wrong with my eyes. I have been fearful of MS and I thought I had been able to let go until this eye issue popped up.

Tonight my head felt bad and my leg started tingling. I simply broke down and cried in front of my wife.

What did I learn.....it was therapudic. I voiced how alone I feel with my tension and anxiety. Confronted a few issues that just came to mind. After it was done.....my vision and leg were gone. I felt so much better. Now it is a few hours later and my head issues are coming back. It is a good sign that once I let out some of my respressed feelings that I felt better. I need to build on this. I know I am in for a long road.

 

I have great value in your post tonight! I have not been able to cry for a long time, don't
know why, I was always a crier. You are so lucky that you could have that release. This
is what I wish for for both of us! it is a great release and I have been waiting for it. Enjoy
your release and know that I am thinking about you. Fondly, Nancy. PS, write back anytime,
Nancy

 

I am going to fight really hard.... everyone wants me to go on anxiety medication but I just can't do it. I mean, 10/31/2013 I had no anxiety and no pain. Then just leg pain on and off until 11/25 until the head issues started. I just can't medicate....

 

Pingman,
I understand your strong desires to not medicate. I am the exact same way. For years, I was given prescription after prescription for antidepressants, benzos, etc. At first, I will admit, I tried them. Being as sensitive as I am to medication, I immediately felt worse. If there was a side effect to be had, I had it. All the doctors looked at me like I was crazy, like there was no way the medication could have that effect on me. Well, it did. I think all along, even while trying medications, I knew that my pain, sadness, and anxiety were psychological in nature. It took a good therapist and reading a few good books (in addition to the Sarno books), to really help alleviate my anxiety. I'm still tackling my pain and the sadness that results from it, but I will beat that, too.

I'm glad you were able to break down in front of your wife. Sometimes being vulnerable in front of those that we love and that care for us can be beneficial on several levels. It took a long time for me to understand this, for I always was the tough girl who never showed emotions (even though I was completely broken inside). Good for you for being brave and taking that step. I know you are frustrated as your symptoms seem to be bouncing around, mine are currently doing the same. On a side note, I too have been terrified of MS, as it runs in my family and I'm predisposed to autoimmune issues (now THAT is a long story ). It's one of the obsessive thoughts that I have to figure out how to overcome. Maybe we could work together on it?? I wish you all the best. I really do. I really think there is hope for the both of us. We both seem to be deeply ingrained with health anxiety, so it may take us a bit longer. But we'll get there!

 

Bham -

I am sorry to hear that you too are struggling. Health anxiety is tough but it is just another avenue our mind uses to distract us. My co-workers brother is a neurology resident in Canada and he and I email back and forth. He assures me that my symptoms do not sound like MS, so does my GP and my neuro doctor but like other TMS you really feel pain so the fear is induced and the cycle continues. He told me point blank that my subconscious mind want proof that there is no MS and that it wants an MRI. My subconscious won't be happy until I prove to it via an MRI I am fine.

How crazy that the Neurology docs even recognize that our subconscious mind is to blame. He said its common practice to give "piece of mind" MRIs these days.

For now I am gonna try the recognize awakening philosophy of accepting my symptoms as they come and realizing it is just TMS/anxiety and nothing dangerous. That is going to be hard with the head issues I am feeling but if I keep programming the sunconscious mind that I am ok it will happen...

Now does my conscious mind believe it 100%.... probably not which is my issue.

 

I whole-heartedly believe in such a thing as a "piece of mind" MRI. I had terrible neck and upper back pain, and my doctor ordered a cervical and thoracic MRI. Guess what…all clear except for a few minor things. Upon learning that, my pain went away shortly after the MRI…only to gravitate to my lower back…the one area that the MRI didn't cover!!! TMS is a tricky opponent. Before this is all over, I may have MRI'd my entire body…sounds cheap, huh?

Have you looked at anxietycentre.com? It lists over 100 symptoms of anxiety, including pins and needles sensations. It was quite the interesting site. Check it out if you haven't already!

 

That's the problem with anxiety, it can mimic whatever you are worried about.

 

I also recently discovered I had some anxiety and with recent flare up of pain symptoms, I got really nervous. I wasn't sure what was happening and this caused more anxiety. My doctor placed me on a anxiety/depression drug and it made it much worse. The anxiety it caused was more than I ever experienced and I could not sleep. I would be careful with this type of medication.

 

Hi Pingman,

There is some value in having a test to alleviate real concern, i.e. Peace of Mind. At the height of my anxiety, I had a headache for 4 solid months. Non-stop! I also had some really freaky vision issues! I was stressed out and not sleeping as a brand new mom. My brother-in-law died from a brain tumor, so my health anxiety latched on to a chronic headache and away my mind went. I literally felt like I had a steel rod running through my skull. The iron-band headache is a classic symptom of anxiety. So, along with feeling like the left side of my body was being electrocute, I begged my husband to take me to the ER. The ER doctor asked me about what was going on and he said, "Have you been worried about this?" My husband answered for me. He then ordered a CT scan just to have something done. There was no brain tumor. Then I was told to follow up with a neurologist for MS testing. The subsequent MRIs have shown no MS. About a week after the tests, when I knew I didn't have either disease, my headache disappeared. Had I known what I know now, I would never have gone through the testing, but at that time in my life I was scared to death. I was terrified that I would leave my infant without a mother. Every time I've tried to self-diagnose, I've been wrong!

If you are terrified and can't let it go, have the MRI and move on. I would be willing to bet that you have TMS and nothing more, but maybe you need proof. But promise yourself that if you do get the proof you need, you will accept TMS 100%. Otherwise, your subconscious will just find another way to get your attention!