Yesterday in my weekly therapy session I cried for the first time in almost a year since I started therapy. Not rivers of tears, just a little bit, but I am very happy about that. My feelings are burried deep inside, I have a lot of trouble finding them. I ask myself constantly what am I feeling, but often there is nothing at all. When I am aware of my feelings (good or bad), they are often overwhelming and they scare me. I have been training to become a robot (not to show/feel emotions) from early childhood and when I was 19, I had a traumatic experience, after which I conciously started to supress any kind of emotion. So no wonder I ended up with chronic pain and anxiety and often depression. BTW pain and anxiety levels are pretty bad for the last couple of days, but I'm sticking with the program and still firmly believe in my TMS diagnosis.