CPPS solely exists because of fear of the symptoms

This TMS is very frustrating!


I think the biggest problem I had is that I had this CPPS issue for 18 months six years ago. I HEALED! Everything went “back to normal” with the exception of (relatively minor) flares when stressed. This time, however, the “whole enchilada” has come back with the full range and intensity of symptoms.


You’d think that since I beat this before I’d be very confident at beating it again this time. Afterall, it’s not physical! Well…. As hard as this is to believe, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I DID TO HEAL SIX YEARS AGO!


I know I spent the first few months navigating the medical community (which luckily I’m avoiding this time. No need for testing or pills or urine cultures, etc).


I know I spent a long time reading about “tight muscles” and doing lots of stretching and trigger point massage as outlined in Headache in the Pelvis and Healing Pelvic Pain Naturally books. But I don’t remember if I did that the whole way through and if it actually helped…..!


I know I learned about TMS and did Unlearn Your Pain book but I’m pretty sure that didn’t work out well for me and I gave up the journaling after a few months well before I healed…


I took a lot of notes at the time, but when I moved I threw it all away as I thought that was additional liberation of the awful time I went through… argh!


While I believe CPPS to be TMS, I don’t fully understand the mechanisms for how it works – if it IS because my muscles are tight maybe I should be stretching and massaging in addition to the mental work…. But if not, that is just sort of directing my focus on specific symptoms and a more physical approach which would highlight it.


I’m thinking my case there aren’t any repressed emotions. I’ve tried and tried, but the only emotions that come up are my fear / anger / sadness / guilt about the pain itself. I think “all” that is happening is, for whatever reason, during a normal flare I got more scared of it than usual as I was in a higher than normal anxiety state. I think my fear of knowing how long this lasted the last time is making me think that it has to last that long this time as well. My doubts about what I did for it to work last time come in and make me wonder what it is I’m doing. I think my mind is just hyperfocused on that area and I think it is taking normal signals and amplifying them. I get afraid of them and keep the fear going and therefore the symptoms keep coming on.


I think in my case the only thing I need to do is stop being afraid and live life again. No journaling, not mindfulness, no more reading, no trying to uncover traumas (although I think I’ll use this opportunity to continue doing mindfulness and some journaling to try to prevent this stuff from happening in the future).


Do you think that for some people fear really is the only thing to address? That simply not fearing it will lead to symptom resolution? This may have been what cured me the first time as I just remembering it slowly fading away….


The other issue is when the pain is bad I’M AFRAID EVEN THOUGH I KNOW BETTER. I’m not afraid of it in terms of thinking it’s physical but I am afraid of it in terms of “is this going to last a long time?” and “how is this going to impact <X> in my life?. Not to mention the sensation of the pains just ruin my moods and make me irritable and anxious and want to isolate. I KNOW better but its still really really hard not to do that. I know doing the opposite will make me feel better but I don’t feel like I’m strong enough to actually consistently do it.


I’m some ways having a physical issue seems like it would be better. You’d understand it better, have a treatment for it, a timeline for when it will heal, you know that doing X/Y/Z will/won’t make it worse. With TMS pain it IS possible that doing various things will increase pain because your brain is doing whatever the hell it wants. So I never know what to expect cause it can change symptoms and intensity and duration at its will!


I’m rambling now so I’ll just stop this thread abrubtly…

 

A bad habit I've formed is whenever the pain gets above a certain threshold or I get sensations that really scare me (burning urethra) I sometimes dry heaves a bunch. This is from the high amount of fear and tension in my body but usually after the pain level is lower. I guess the body has to deal with that instead? But it is an unfortunate learned habit that I believe reinforces the pain.

 

You are absolutely right: fear breeds anxiety, anxiety breeds fear, anxiety and fear breed pain.

 

Can anyone chime in on this? Because this is exactly how I feel as well. Thanks