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Cowgirls don't cry

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by MommaCat, May 13, 2021.

  1. MommaCat

    MommaCat Peer Supporter

    So I could make a long story short but that would be impossible.

    My symptoms are nuts.
    What started as a seizure or passing out ended with some of the bizarre symptoms that would make a good movie.

    Then it occurred to me that maybe all these other symptoms could have been brought on by fear or stress.

    The fear of why I collapsed. Went an entire month before a mri to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor. FEAR

    A nurse practioner read my ekg and said she thought I'd had a heart attack. FEAR

    Sent to a cardiologist and had to wait on that test. FEAR

    Had a pain in my side and told I had a enlargement of common duct in gallbladder, could be a tumor.FEAR

    Sent for a hyda scan that showed nothing.

    Had what I thought was a gallbladder attack. Twice and landed me in ER

    CAT SCAN was done and showed a lung nodule! FEAR

    Sent to Markey cancer center and told it was only 6mm and could be anything .but the word cancer caused FEAR

    Sent for colonoscopy and upper endoscope because of the side pain. Had horrible pain after and researched side effects and thought they'd lacerated an organ , pain went from right side to left and lower back. FEAR

    Exray of my neck, because heck, let's just throw in some neck pain and back while we are at it. Showed a hot mess in my neck and lower back.FEAR

    Felt of my back and found a knot. Google sacral knot and cancer pops up. FEAR

    Now, we are talking about a woman who hasn't been sick in 8 years. Then out of the blue has all this stuff go wrong with them.
    Not one doctor can figure out why I am having all this random pain. Not one. I was told to do yoga.
    Three general doctors, a cardiologist, a neurologist, a gastrointestinal doctor( who I think made me worse and said he'd do a barium swallow..NOT) and ruemitolgist who the pulmonary doctor Sent me to because a blood test came back abnormal, ( thought I had LUPUS!) Cannot find anything wrong except for bulged disc and artheritis and scoliosis. I've had that for years by the way.

    I was an avid horse rider, kayaker and hiker for goodness sake. Was never fearful and these last 6 months have sent me nose diving with unexplained symptoms, not to mention I'm horribly depressed.

    I went today to see a massage therapist who believes in the mind and body and TMS. I came home feeling better than I had in 6 months. Still in pain with my sides but better.

    I believe FEAR has Sent me spiraling.
  2. MWsunin12

    MWsunin12 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Absolutely, fear can spiral you into being physically hyper-sensitive. It sounds like TMS to me, because your pain has traveled and given you new reasons to fear.
    I hope you can read some of the TMS books. Steve Ozanich's book "The Great Pain Deception" really helped me.

    Here's a thought: Think about your life and your emotions that were happening shortly before the day you passed out...the start of it all.
    What were you ignoring emotionally for yourself? It could be something big...or even a series of small things that you've ignored. Even if they feel childish, write them down. Take a look at them.

    Nicole Ferber Sachs has some good videos on YouTube that address writing down your feelings.

    Wishing you the best. You already know the reason it all grew: Fear. Now, it's a question of listening to the emotional/psychological reasons you fainted to begin with.
    oneperson and JanAtheCPA like this.
  3. MommaCat

    MommaCat Peer Supporter

    So you think I'm on the right track? This has been a night mare for sure
  4. MWsunin12

    MWsunin12 Beloved Grand Eagle

    I understand the nightmare of it all. Many on the forum will, too.

    Start with your emotions. Identify them.

    You are on the right track. Doctors are paid to find something wrong, which is why you keep being sent for more and more tests.
    So, when they don't know they take their best logical guess...like saying it could be a tumor.
    If you truly had a serious illness, it would not move around. Or come and go.

    I think you have TMS. Steve Ozanich writes in his book about all of the extreme symptoms he had. It was mind-blowing. And, it was all TMS. Good journey. You can do this. I have been, so you can, too.
    oneperson likes this.
  5. MommaCat

    MommaCat Peer Supporter

    The facial weirdness is coming and going, then I'll get weird lip feelings. Then my rib pain. The rib pain scares me a lot.
    I rode my atv today and mowed my yard. The rib pain would come and go as did the neck pain.
    I know I am depressed because I want back on my horse so bad.
    Than you so much for responding to me.
    oneperson and MWsunin12 like this.
  6. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    And please, folks, let's not forget to give COVID its due. In the middle of a viral pandemic, it is a well-known fact that we are also in the middle of a massive mental health crisis, CLEARLY accelerating as the pandemic got worse and got longer. The current environment of uncertainty is no reason for that to be any better right now, by the way, in spite of reasons to hope.

    Absolutely. When "They Can't Find Anything Wrong...." then what else can it be? That's the title of a 2007 book by Dr. David Clarke, MD, one of the founding professionals of the PPDA.

    I echo @MWsunin12 's recommendation of Nichole Sachs, LCSW. I recommend her book The Meaning Of Truth, and also her podcast, The Cure for Chronic Pain with Nicole Sachs, LCSW. Start with the first episode - it will blow your mind - and help keep it pointed firmly in the right direction!
    oneperson, MWsunin12 and Balsa11 like this.
  7. MommaCat

    MommaCat Peer Supporter

    I think what keeps me going into this spiral is because my neck is and shows structural damage and so does my lower back. I have scoliosis... bit the odd thing is none of this pain was occurring before I collapsed. I sat for a week and Google causes of seizure until I almost lost it. That's when all the burning skin, and insomnia and neck pain, shoulder pain, tongue tingling began along with the rib pain. I've sent myself into a spiral .
    Doctors say nothing is wrong, but yet I think how can I feel this way when nothing g is wrong and then I Google yet again.
    Today has been better , I'm trying hard to over come this.
    I desperately want my life back.
  8. Balsa11

    Balsa11 Well known member

    I know it's hard but stop googling symptoms. You've got all the support you need on this forum and doctors. Reassurance seeking actually does the opposite of what you think it does. It's ok to miss your horse. Getting fresh air is important. Oh and breathe slowly. Watch the tension release.
    MWsunin12 likes this.
  9. MommaCat

    MommaCat Peer Supporter

    Thank you

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