Counseling / Hypnotherapy / Parts therapy

Intro: Walt asked me to share about this. I intend to journal after each session (I record them) and let people see what transpires. My whole story prior to this date is posted in my profile. I have been at this 11 years, I was diagnosed by Dr. Sarno, saw Dr. Bob Evans for 6 years and another counselor for about 2 years I took a counseling break (10/2013 - 8/2014). The last 5-8 months (2/1214 - current) have brought me additional challenges in my family and personal life. I have increased symptoms including a new one: Gout. I had vertigo again (first time since 2005), knee pain, some anxiety and mild depression. Sooo, I start seeing a new counselor : Jennifer Todd. She uses Heart Centered Hypnotherapy that has a "parts" component to it. Tonight we did our first hypnotherapy session. I was acquainted with "parts" (thank you NJoy).
Session 1:
First she had me connect with my higher power (universe, spirit, higher self, god, whatever worked for me). Next , she had me find the adult me, the me that makes rational good decisions that are in my best interest. She had me remember a number of incidents where the adult (true self) succeeded and congratulated myself on those successes. She commented that we are often times aware of the parts that are wounded. That they try to get our attention. I really need to get in touch with the part of me that exists that is strong, wise, healthy and makes good decisions that are in my best interest (True self). Whenever I brought something up that was a distraction she had me put that on the back burner, or put a "book mark there". This was very helpful as I am very good at distracting myself from the real issue. I found this wall up blocking me. She had me sit up and become the wall. I found the wall to be massive, impenetrable, high, wide , thick. Almost like a huge block of shiny Granit. I have had this block a long time. This is the first time I have realized this wall was PART OF ME, not a separate entity. Then I noticed a scratch in the wall and she had me become the scratch/hairline crack (another part). She had me shift positions and become the scratch/crack. She felt this had valuable information for me. She asked me to have the scratch talk top the wall. And the wall started laughing, like "you are kidding right? you are just a little scratch". So the scratch told the wall we are part of each other, and I love you and I care about you. The wall contemplated that and stopped laughing. The wall is not happy about this and it became disconcerted. It did not expect this response from the crack. Again, thank you Njoy, because of my learning about parts from you, I was in a better position to handle this well. Then I started having back pain. Jennifer told me to give the back pain a voice. I saw the back pain as the little kid inside me (although not exactly). Needless to say he was terrified and it turns out he was terrified of the wall. Also he was creating the back pain for the wall. And he was doing his best to hide from the wall, but not from me. She asked me to become him, but he wouldn't let me. So Jennifer said, let's put a book mark there, and he said, don't leave me. Then Jennifer gave me a stuffed animal to hold as a symbol of the terrified little kid. Then she asked me what I wanted to tell him. So I told him I loved him and cared about him and I would protect him and keep him safe. I would come back later and he was in a safe place. He was ok with this. Then she tried to have me find the part of me that is warm, compassionate part that has a deep connection to spirit. the part that is very loving and caring to myself. I could not find that part at that time. She said it is the same part I called true self above. Needless to say this was all pretty fascinating. I left there without back pain, and feeling very peaceful. I was aware and awake throughout the whole process and remembered everything. My next session is Tuesday, more updates to come

 

I just updated and fleshed out the Session -1- from the recording I had.

 

Njoy, That will be great. Thank you. I couldn't decide whether I should write this there to begin with. I finally decided here was best as it covers more then just IFS and I wanted the non IFS folks to see it too.
M

 

Session -2- We started with the same intro as before . I will repeat it here, but after this I won't repeat this part, just refer to it as the "intro portion" .

We tried to connect with the little kid inside me. I usually see him as between 4 and 6 years old. Jennifer wanted me to be the nurturing loving parent to him, that which I don't feel I received at that age. She gave me a stuffed bear to hold as a representation of him. But, he wasn't around. He had disappeared. I could not connect with him. So she had me connect with the representation of him (the bear). And hold him and love him and be there for him. She asked me what I would say to him. And I kept drawing blanks. I could not come up with anything. This was weird as I usually have no trouble telling him I love him and care about him. I did have a headache and neck and jaw tension. So she did some energy work with me to release this. She had me give it voice. And I saw him with a bell, or drum, but he couldn't do anything with it. I could feel he wanted to beat on the drum or scream. So she had me kneel on the floor and gave me this rubber hose to beat the couch with. And I did! And I felt him saying he was stuck and he wanted to hit the drum and be heard and be noticed. She asked me how he felt about this and he was pleased with it. Then I was able to say I Love you and I want to help you and care for you and protect you. I asked him what we could do together to beat this. And I saw him smiling. Jennifer said she felt the little boy drew a conclusion that he was invisible and had to act out to get that attention. Jennifer suggested I re-frame it the way I (he) wants it. So I said "I am not invisible, I am here , I am a person, I am a good person, I take care of my self, and I help others, I am self sufficient. " And then She asked me what my new decision , or new behavior to attain that was. And I said "I want o be part of the community". And she asked me how. And I said, I am already doing some of it. I have joined groups of like minded people, and participating in spiritual groups and meditation groups and Reiki shares. She ended the session with us discussing how we will continue to work with him to continue to be safe all the time and reclaim pieces of his spirit that have split off. And then I will experience myself as more whole and complete. And she had me feel myself connecting to the support and the love and the community in the circles I sit in. And Lastly she had me stand so I was grounded and rooted to the earth and she had me repeat " I am here, I am one of the group, I am part of the group , I am here, I am ME." And I held this in my heart. More to come!

 

Njoy, this is her website http://www.jenniferltodd.com/ she is also on Facebook

North Star, More to come ....

 

Session -3- warning, THIS is long.
Please see the “intro portion” in Session -2- above, as that portion is mostly the same all each time. The exception is that I find different things each time that my True Self did well. Also, this one is mostly from memory as the recording was not as good as it could have been. Between sessions, I found I connected with my little kid twice. Once when he was about 2 and once when he was an infant. Both times he just wanted to sleep in my arms. This time Jennifer wanted to do a regression to a younger age. We went back to when I was in 5th grade. I hated 5th grade and 6th grade. Standard public school doesn’t fit my learning style. I was ADHD (although they didn’t have a name for it then) and nobody had a clue that was even part of the equation. My Mom wanted me in provate school and Dad one out on staying in public school. I don’t remember any regular individual help from Mom and Dad and that is what I needed at the time. Chest pain came up in this session. A symptom I haven’t had in a while: FYI :I have ruled out the physical on this. A new protector surfaced as well. Jennifer had me give the pain a voice and I couldn’t come up with anything. The chest pain is worse as I write this, as it was during the session. Jennifer had me get up and hit the couch again with the hose to release my negativity about this. I was reluctant as I wanted to love him and care for him. And she said we would go there, but I needed to release the negativity and I would not be hurting anyone. She had me tell him (the protector) what I wanted to share with him. I shared I was frustrated that he wasn’t using his expert skills for our greater good. And that we are all one and should work together. I asked the protector to lift the little kid up, help him learn and help him see. Show him it is ok to fail, it is ok to fall. Then I realized he was causing the pain, and he was embarrassed by my recognition of this. I told him he needn’t be embarrassed, I want him to work with me. Jennifer told what the little guy needs is a voice of his own. Then the protector (the new one) that is preventing the emotions and creating the chest pain picked up the little kid and brushed him off and gave him a hug. So the protector then looked at me like I was gonna hit him and I told him I forgave him and I wanted him to join us and use his skills for the good. Jennifer asked me to ask the protector to step back and he did and then the little kid (he was crying at this point) ran over to me to be held and comforted. Jennifer felt this was really important that I was able to communicate with these parts of me, bring them together and communicate with them. But this little boy still needs a voice she said. The little boy (me) shared he wanted to be cared for and loved and I don’t trust you. Jennifer asked me who he (me) couldn’t trust, and I shared it was Mom, Dad, and all the woman I have had relationships with (because they all ended in a lack of trust). People saying they would do things and then doing something else or not doing. So the little kid shared that with each of them, and the whys. I am not going to go into details here. And I would go off on a tangent on each of these relationships and Jennifer would pull me back as they are all threads from this little kid and his early experiences. Then I saw the little kid screaming again, but without any actual noise coming out, being unheard again. And then the little kid disappeared again. Then I found him again, in the woods in our safe place, and I shared I love him and care about him and he was welcome to come out. He chose not too. So I asked him what he wanted to say, he shook his head, so he did hear me. So I came up with not being worthy. Then Jennifer said, so he doesn’t ask for what he needs because there is no point. And I don’t deserve it. And I don’t trust it will be provided. So Jennifer asked if I want to change that belief. So I said, I am worthy. And she asked what new decision I would make. And I said I didn’t know. So Jennifer said, I want you to hear this : “Get it done, you have the skills, make it happen, do everything you can, feel the energy of that strong wise loving adult, that takes action, that knows how to take care of the system. And allow that to help you craft this new decision. This new behavior about how to be in the world. I am worthy of Love, belonging , guidance, support, protection, connection. So how do I decide to behave in this world? Do I want to continue to not ask for what I need, and hold onto the false believe that my needs won’t be met. Can you allow yourself to become aware of a few times in your life when you’ve been given what you needed? Where the support you were seeking was available and was there.” (Wow that was powerful!) I gave her some examples. And then she reminded me that I do go out and take care of myself more in the last 6 months. I go to groups of like minded people and connect with them and nurture myself. So I am looking for that connection, and I have reached out for it. So part of this decision is being put in action. And then this saying came up “The highest form of Love is accepting another persons choices”. And this is something I have worked on, to respect other peoples boundries, and I expect mine respected. This is very hard in the TMS world, because most of us (I know I do anyway) would rather help others then help themselves. It is another distraction. Fortunately the session was ending and we didn’t have to go there too.

If you are interested in more information on the how this process works, you can also see this website http://www.wellness-institute.org/

 

I am going to bring this up first thing next session. I am re-thinking this and I believe this is a very important part of the TMS persona. It is not just a distraction to help others, we could be crossing boundaries. Our boundaries with out parts is huge here. Not to mention our boundaries with anyone in our lives. When we do not have good boundaries for our True Self and our parts, we allow the parts (or others) to take charge where our True Self should be in charge.