COULD JOURNALING SLOW THE HEALING PROGRAM?

[Michael Coutts]

Please ignore this post if you regularly keep a journal and feel free and liberal to write whatever thoughts and things that you are totally enraged about in a totally free and unrestricted fashion. Writing out everything that has ever enraged you throughout your life and getting it out in plain clear sight, with a continued ability to flip back to these RAGE PAGES for reflection and additions is obviously an excellent part of the John Sarno program.

If this is you, then you probably have an extra special healing edge of people who find it challenging, for many reasons, to keep a RAGE JOURNAL.

For many reasons that I have been reflecting upon, I have found it challenging to journal throughout my life.

My successful healing using John Sarno's methods have been totally about reading his books back to back through and through again and again, while talking to brain throughout the day everyday about anything that I have been enraged about in my past or present. Through this I make it very clear in a firm voice (in my mind) "I GET IT BRAIN THAT I AM TOTALLY COMPLETELY ENRAGED ABOUT (this situation or that), DON'T GIVE ME PAIN BRAIN! STOP NOW AND STOP FOR HEREAFTER EVERMORE! I GET IT THAT I AM TOTALLY PISSED ABOUT EVERY SHITTY HORRIBLE THING THAT HAS BEFALLEN ME IN MY PAST, OR IS HAPPENING NOW, OR IS YET TO COME- DON'T GIVE ME PAIN!"

And so I continue talking to my brain about this thing or that think whenever I find it necessary (much less these days than back in the beginning- where it was pretty constant as I was working my way through my whole personal life history and current situation. This is about 20 million minutes so far worth of life- a long time.).

I have always (way before Sarno) had some sort of guilt or disappointment at my inability to maintain a journal. I have enjoyed writing for much of my life, but admit that I am really just getting back into it after a decades long mostly hiatus.

I have always desired to keep a journal. People have given me journals. I have purchased journals and packed them around with me while travelling.

Once upon a time I actually thought that I wanted to be a writer (as in- writer of fiction or journalism where I would earn my living). I find farming to be the very best 'profession' and lifestyle- for me anyway. Now I can just write because I feel inspired to.

Whenever I have had a journal, I have written a page or two, and have become totally embarrassed about what I have written. It isn't that I have written anything weird or strange, it has always just been the personalness of it.

I think that I have always been afraid to truly let go with journal writing for this big reason - WHAT IF SOMEBODY FINDS MY JOURNAL AND READS IT!!!!!

This is a big new revelation.

Back to journaling and the John Sarno program. I feel that I had a rapid healing personal time with healing from TMS because I read Sarno's books (and Sopher and Schubiner) back to back to back- totalling 20 times at this point.

As far as I remember in Sarno's books, he highly recommends journaling, but doesn't say that it is necessary (am I right?). If so, I imagine that I plowed ahead with the good reading work whenever I had a chance to read (bathroom and bathtub are 2 top spots!).

Everything that has been recommended to write in a journal has been written in my mind- as in, I just have, and continue, to think these thoughts- like a mental journal that you can visit or refresh or add to anytime, anywhere, anyhow.

If a person like me, who may not realize that they have journaling hang-ups, might get actually hung up in the 'good work' (reading Sarno's books). They may hit a halt because they may suffer from some sort of challenging journaling syndrome. They may put down John Sarno's book because they struggle with any journaling baggage that they may carry around with them.

If, as my experience (this is just my experience) that is based upon Sarno's of repeated rereading of the literature to REALLY GET THE MESSAGE DOWN INTO OUR SUBCONSCIOUS THAT WE UNDERSTAND THAT WE GENERATE RAGE OVER OUR WHOLE LIVES, AND THAT OUR BRAINS GIVE US GENUINE PHYSICAL AGONIZING PAIN AND SYMPTOMS AS A DISTRACTION FROM ALL OF THIS BURIED RAGE- DON'T GIVE US PAIN, BRAIN!!!

If you have journaling hang-ups, you may find it challenging to read the books and fulfill the program, especially repeated readings.

My wife is an incredible, inspirational woman in every way. I feel so blessed to share my life with her, and our amazing daughter who I adore and cherish our time together.

My wife is also an exceptional, and totally enviable journaler. She has written in journals for as long as I have known her, and for a long long time before. She journals almost every day, totally naturally and enjoyably, and she has got mountains of incredible material to reflect upon and add to.

She actually shares her birthday with Anne Frank, the amazing lady who kept journaling through the horrendous Nazi years and tragically died during this monstrous time. Her journal survived her.

Anyways, really sad stuff and we certainly don't need to bring those tragedies into our minds here and now.

I would never ever ever sneak a peak into any of my wife's journals no way. If I were invited to read a passage or something then that would be one thing, but I totally completely respect my wife's privacy within the confines of her journals.

She writes whatever the heck she feels like writing (I hope) totally uncensored without fear. I certainly encourage this as this is the whole point of journaling with Sarno's program- to write down exactly what and who in your life has been creating mountains of rage and how you're totally pissed and DON'T GIVE ME THAT PAIN BRAIN!!!!!

So why do I find it so challenging to journal?

I have been really reflecting on this, especially when it was actually brought to my attention that it was surprising that I had such success despite not journaling, as a response to the 'MY STORY' that I wrote....

Here's some problems that I can see, and that really need to be addressed, surrounding journaling and John Sarno's methods.

There are many scenes in movies and TV and books when somebody (a sibling, parent, teacher, boyfriend or girlfriend) discovers somebody's journal.

They bust it open and they either: Read it in front of the class! Read it to the other parent! Read it to themselves and are totally heartbroken- on and on and on- you get the idea.

So could it be, that there might potentially be a pile of people out there who are totally inhibited and afraid to really write down the abuses that they have suffered onto paper- thus creating EVIDENCE of what they are really feeling deep down inside.

Beyond embarrassment, there could be serious ramifications from leaving such evidence lying around.

A midunderstanding partner or parent could read these journals and get totally offended, hurt, and could even get so twisted up that a relationship gets ruined!

A boss or teacher could discover some 'RAGE PAGE' that was written for healing purposes, totally misunderstand it, and reprimand or fire or send the perpetrators off to some bad situation.

If somebody who is suffering serious physical or sexual or emotional abuse could have their journal discovered, they could be in danger of a serious situation or ruin throughout their family.

I'm just trying to imagine these scenarios- I really don't doubt that they are possibilities....

I have to admit that I would really like to cut loose and tell of every horrible trauma that I have suffered (far less than many people, and more than some) but I really fear that if I did so I would probably hurt some people that I love (especially when they live with the perpetrators).

I really don't even want the people who have 'done me wrong' to read about these scenarios, deny them as lies, and go totally insane with rage.

What I am saying is that I like to keep this all between ME AND MY BRAIN!

I can talk to my brain anytime I want any time of the day totally uncensored without it being anybody's business.

If I suddenly laugh out loud and somebody asks me what's so funny, I might say 'huh?', when actually I am relishing in some hilarious memory transforming excercise- brutal slaying of somebody who hurt me in my past and changing a memory where I was 'VICTIM' to 'VICTOR' (Read my other post 'BLOW THEM UP OR KILL THEM WITH CARROTS')

On a previous post, a reply from Baseball guy (65) said that he lives alone intentionally. He says that he has RAGE PAGES all over the place, and can swear and scream out loud whenever he wants. It sounds like he has a safe RAGE SANCTUARY- no fear of anybody happening upon his journals or screaming.

In an ideal world, even when we live with the people that we love, we would all have a 'RAGE SANCTUARY' of our own, and still not threaten relationships with slips of paper falling out of our back pockets.

Fortunately- WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN PERSONAL RAGE SANCTUARIES- OUR MINDS! WE CAN TALK TO OUR BRAINS ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING WITHOUT ANY FEAR OF ANYBODY KNOWING WHAT WE ARE THINKING ABOUT. WE CAN DESTROY ANY S.O.B WHO HAS HURT US IN WHATEVER GORY BLOODY WAY WE WANT. WE CAN TELL OUR BRAINS ABOUT ALL OF THE RAGE THAT WE FEEL, BIG AND SMALL, SERIOUS AND PATHETIC, ABOUT ALL OF THE PEOPLE WE LOVE AND HATE IN LIFE, WITHOUT ANY FEAR OF GETTING CAUGHT!!

I can't resist telling one last small personal situation that I realized today- a big revelation about why I am a failed journaler.

As a teenager, I wrote a bunch for a brief bit of time (beyond ordinary school nonsense). I was writing all sorts- including short twisted stories that would make my friends laugh. I had a typewriter in my bedroom. One day I was confronted that whatever I was writing was totally offensive and made your step-mother cry!

My room had been infiltrated (nothing new- isn't this what somebody cleaning your room means- mountains of rage!). Some short fictional story had some metaphor that was seen as personal and offensive. The half written story was read, torn up, and I likely got in some sort of shit....

I think that this might possibly have been the end to my journaling life!

 

[Michael Coutts]

Another few journaling notes:

My wife has actually admitted that somebody once DID discover her journal on a hiking trip, and started reading it aloud to everybody around in an obnoxious joking way, only to stop when he realized that the passage had to do with somebody on the hike.

She admits that she may have had a period of non-journaling after this!

There is also the likely situation where somebody might be really excited to start journaling, for the first anticipated time, or to write out all of the BURIED RAGE from their subconscious to the page.

Unfortunately, they may find it challenging to find the time to journal, on their terms. They may have too many family or work or school obligations to fit it in. They may find themselves losing sleep through getting up too early or staying up too late (when they would rather be luxuriating in their cozy beds in dreamland- we don't just need sleep for health, we need it because we love it, and anything that steals our sleep doesn't just steal our 'important healthy restorative sleep-time', it steals our luxuriating do nothing but dream in comfort time!

What happens if we want to journal but we don't have the ideal journal or pen and really want to do the work now but don't go to the store often.

What happens if we are in prison or some horrible P.O.W camp with no paper and pencils (this probably isn't happening to anybody in this moment on this page. That doesn't mean that this doesn't happen to people- IT DOES!)

What if somebody takes it literally that they honestly need to journal to use Sarno's methods, and don't think to JUST THINK!

Even if you do journal and love it and it is awesome- what happens if you have too many journals going on and you don't know where you'll fit in a RAGE JOURNAL because you already have a personal journal, farm journal and baby journal all going on at once (my wife just admitted to this!).

I am all for journaling (in my imagination!)

I totally practice 100% TALKING TO MY BRAIN ABOUT ALL OF MY BURIED RAGE IN MY MIND! Any time any where no special materials needed I can have a strong talk with my brain about all of the crap I'm dealing with. NO EVIDENCE AND NO INCONVENIENCE AND NO FEAR OF HURTING ANYBODY ELSE OR GETTING HURT MYSELF

Anyways- keep talking to your brain, and keep reading Sarno's books- that's the program!

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I think that I have always been afraid to truly let go with journal writing for this big reason - WHAT IF SOMEBODY FINDS MY JOURNAL AND READS IT!!!!!

BINGO.

The key to writing for emotional freedom is that you do NOT keep it! Once it's on paper, there is no need to revisit it. It's that simple. And it allows for the essential vulnerability required to do this work. Which, @Michael Coutts I feel like you have achieved in any case, which serves to prove your point that it can be done without "journaling". Nevertheless...

Two among our top-ten TMS mentors, Nicole Sachs LCSW and David Hanscom MD, explicitly tell us to destroy our writing immediately after getting it out. Dr Hanscom won't even use the word "journaling" but prefers "expressive writing". Nicole (who worked side by side WITH Dr Sarno back in the day) coined the term JournalSpeak but she has described how she uses a blank computer document into which she types, but then deletes everything and saves it as a blank document again when she's done.

I have adopted Dr Hanscom's term of expressive writing, but I frequently refer to my process as "writing shit down". I use crappy old notebook paper, I scribble illegibly until both sides are filled (which could take several days) and then I tear it up and recycle it. Mind you, I live alone so I don't need to take any extra precautions.

The other thing I do, which I adopted right at the start of the pandemic in 2020, is to try to find one thing during my writing session for which I am grateful or was grateful that day. Sometimes it was a real struggle, until I realized it didn't have to be significant; maybe I ate something extra yummy, or the cat did something which made me laugh. Doing this right before going to sleep was surprisingly and powerfully beneficial during those really hard times, and I think it's a great practice to include.

 

[Michael Coutts]

Here's a funny story (25 years later its funny)

I was in my last year of high school and was planning on heading travelling to Europe with a friend after graduation, while putting on a ruse that I was actually going to journalism school (I had originally intended to go to journalism school, but a travelling adventure came up).

One day after some revelatory happenings, I took my college application and lit it on fire in the woodstove.

My dad and step-mom arrived home unexpectedly early and I was busted with 'what the heck is this?' (this was May or June- obviously not time for fires in the house).

A massive screaming match ensued. I somehow got roped into refilling out a new application form which I sent in past the due date. They phoned me that I had been accepted and I told them I was going travelling.

Many more months continued of extra uncomfortableness in an already extra uncomfortable existence. I still continued a deception while having made things worse with the evidence burning.

I can imagine plenty of scenarios where somebody can get busted in a flash, by a teacher snatching and demanding what they have, or an abusive parent or partner, or even a sensitive well meaning parent or partner or kid who innocently jokingly sneaks up on you and reads over your shoulder at your paper or computer.

These are obviously not reasons for stopping journaling, or 'expressive writing'.

Maybe they are an extra caution.

I still think that it can be good excercise to do the very same kind of expressive writing that you would do on paper- in your mind.

We are all gifted with minds and imaginations and there are many hours in a day to fill with thoughts that go round and round and stuck songs- plenty of mind chatter.

So why not for fun and amusement and time killing and security reasons, do the same TALKING TO YOUR BRAIN ACKNOWLEDGING ALL OF YOUR BURIED RAGE THAT IS CAUSING YOUR PAIN AS A DISTRACTION FOR YOUR UGLY OLD BURIED RAGE alongside making your mental lists of all of the things in your history that have caused you to bury and continue to bury this rage alongside vanquishing any villains in your mind who have victimized you by BLOWING THEM UP!

If journaling and expressive writing are working well for you and it is a safe practice- stick with it!

And if you are totally at risk of getting busted with rage pages and punished- do more of the mind work.

There is every day free for your mind.