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Conquering fear

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Mermaid, Jan 27, 2014.

  1. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Hi Everyone

    I just wanted to share something which has helped me, so my little story might help someone else.

    Anyway, a few years ago when we moved to our house I discovered that to walk anywhere I had to go past a neighbouring farm. In the yard there are two rottweiler dogs which went absolutely nuts every time I or anyone else walked past. They would go berserk barking and growling, in a real nasty way, I was ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED of them and wouldn't walk past on my own for fear that they would somehow get out and attack me. I have been bitten twice in the past by farm dogs, so it has some basis.

    After a while a got tired of this and wanted to be able to walk past them without my heart hammering. I devised a little plan to get over my fear, I decided to look at the situation from their point view. They were probably just as frightened of me as I was of them, so I started walking past more slowly and making eye contact with them. I know it sounds silly, but I started to just smile at them. As got more confident I would I just call to them when they started barking. After a while we must have gotten used to each other and I lost my fear of them, and they hardly notice when I go past now.

    To get to the point (finally), I remembered this just recently and thought if I can lose my fear of the dogs, I can lose my fear of my many TMS symptoms, by understanding them, making friends with them (myself) and therefore letting them go. It's starting to work too.

    Lessons can come from anywhere, we just have to open up to change.wavea
  2. Forest

    Forest Beloved Grand Eagle

    Thanks for this beautiful post, Mermaid.
    I found this particularly interesting. It reminds me of how Dr. Sarno often says that your symptoms are just trying to protect you. What sort of self-talk do you find most helpful with this?
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  3. Lily Rose

    Lily Rose Beloved Grand Eagle

    I love this post ... it is pure, concise, deeply inspirational. The specific example makes the concept so attainable by each of us.

    Mermaid - this shows empathy towards the fear, towards the object of the fear, and towards yourself. It shows ... the essence of your heart. Beautiful.

    with grace and gratitude,
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  4. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Mermaid, I love your post on conquering fear.
    I also was afraid of dogs, years ago. If one came toward me, I would
    cross the street and walk on the other side.

    When I began as a freelance writer working at home I got my first dog
    and quickly realized their main thing in life is to please their owner and be loved.
    Now when I go to garage sales and get out of the car, if a dog is in the yard, it
    comes to me for love. Dogs know when someone loves them.
  5. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Hi Forest

    Thanks for your kind words about my post. I didn't used to be very good at accepting compliments, always putting myself down, but that's something else I'm working on. If someone's good enough to say something nice to me I'm just going to accept it and enjoy it, not try to turn into a negative.

    As for what self talk I do to help with the fear of my symptoms, I've given this a lot of thought and it's basically along these lines:

    1. TMS is my friend not my enemy, it's only trying to call me with some news about myself, but doesn't have a phone.
    2. I'm not scared of my friends they love me and want me to be happy, so why fear TMS.
    3. I never shout at my brain to stop the pain, it doesn't work. I've heard enough shouting to last two lifetimes.
    4. I talk to my brain firmly but softly, like it's me when I was a little kid, ask it to please stop, I know what it's trying to do and reassure it that everything's fine and not to get upset.
    I then set to work trying to work out what set the flare up off, free writing normally brings something up. If it doesn't I do breathing exercises or EFT to calm down.

    When it eventually lessens I give myself a little treat (not food), I perhaps have a manicure or take a bubble bath or something.

    I used to beat myself up terribly for having developed TMS, I felt like a failure. I always prided myself on being strong and coping well, so my ego wouldn't let me get too emotional when I really should have been screaming with rage and bawling my eyes out. Boy do we live and learn !!

    Aside from all the great tools we have at our disposal for TMS healing, I think for me learning to love myself is going to be my true path. :happy:
  6. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Hi Lily Rose,

    You are too kind, your words lifted me and made me feel real joy. Thank you so much :joyful:
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  7. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Hi Walt

    You're absolutely right, dogs are a lot better judge of character than we are !
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  8. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I love how you talk to your TMS and that you consider it a friend. I believe that. It means to help us,
    sending us pain so we discover our repressed emotions.
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  9. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    I love this lesson, it is true . I know it is. You used a form of talent we have not understood most the time. First and foremost you faced your fears slowly and balanced. Then you slowly took control as you showed courage to these dogs but you also trans mutated your thoughts to them that they'd better be cool. This facing you did was a great exposure to strengthen yourself but you also saw it happening in your minds eye and that was pretty powerful itself.

    You also decided to see the argument from their point of view which is powerful when we have disagreements of any kind. This is a great tool to keep you from feeling lonely, use seeing from others points of view when you start to feel any negative emotion and watch how much control you gain over a lot of emotions.

    This is a great story.
  10. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    This is Awesome Mermaid thanks

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