Confused with different approaches for anxiety

In my journey to recovering from TMS, specifically manifested in the form of anxiety and anxiety based symptoms, I have read a lot on the topic of anxiety and the fight or flight response, and the consensus seems to be that the only real way to overcome anxiety is by facing the fight or flight response directly. That is, don’t use anything to distract yourself or cope with the unpleasant feelings of anxiety. Show your brain and body nothing is wrong by living your life as if you didn’t have anxiety and your brain will take a hint that you are safe and drop the symptoms. But than I read through Alan Gordon’s Book “The Way Out” and he seems to teach the opposite. He says when your pain or anxiety is high, the last thing you want to do is push through the pain and that you need to do whatever you have to to make yourself comfortable and use avoidance strategies. I’m totally confused here! Which is it? Should I be facing my anxiety or not? My experience however has been when I try to sit and face my very extreme anxiety symptoms to show it i’m not afraid, they just get much worse. I think I was indeed “pushing through” the symptoms by placing way too much focus on them. I have a hard time distinguishing between “pushing through the pain” and “Somatic tracking” the later being what Alan Gordon teaches as a tool to overcoming pain. Any thoughts?

 

The confusion about whether to face anxiety directly or to seek comfort and use avoidance strategies is understandable, as two respected approaches offer seemingly opposite advice. The key lies in understanding how these methods relate and complement each other rather than contradict.

Facing Anxiety: Traditional Exposure Approach
Many experts advise that to overcome anxiety, you need to face the fight-or-flight response head-on by not distracting yourself or avoiding uncomfortable feelings. The principle is to show your brain that anxiety symptoms are safe by living life as if you do not have anxiety. This approach is based on exposure therapy principles that gradually retrain the nervous system to reduce fear and symptom intensity over time. When done with moderate anxiety and gradual increase, this can effectively help the brain learn safety signals and drop symptoms.

Alan Gordon’s Approach: Gentle Compassion and Somatic Tracking
Alan Gordon, in his book The Way Out, teaches that when anxiety or pain is very high, forcing yourself to push through can escalate distress and backfire. His approach emphasizes self-compassion and somatic tracking—a method of gently observing sensations with curiosity and kindness rather than fighting or suppressing them. Gordon encourages doing whatever makes you comfortable in overwhelming moments, including temporary avoidance if it prevents nervous system flooding. With gradual practice, this nurtures safety learning and calmness in the brain, making long-term recovery possible.

Reconciling Both Perspectives

• Sarno-inspired exposure encourages resuming normal activities despite symptoms—showing the brain it’s safe and breaking the cycle of fear and avoidance.
  
  
• Gordon’s somatic tracking adds nuance by recognizing that overwhelming anxiety requires gentleness and gradual tolerance-building, not harsh endurance.

• Both approaches discourage rigid avoidance but warn against a "tough it out" mentality that leads to tension, frustration, and worsening symptoms.

Practical Guidance for Managing Extreme Anxiety

• Gradually face anxiety symptoms by engaging in life as normally as possible—this sends vital safety signals to the brain.
  
  
• When anxiety feels extreme and unmanageable, pause to practice somatic tracking—gently notice sensations without judgment—to downregulate your nervous system.
  
  
• Avoid obsessively focusing on symptoms or “testing” your tolerance through force; this intensifies anxiety.
  
  
• Mix active living with compassionate, mindful attention to build nervous system resilience safely over time.

• Face anxiety gradually in daily life with using compassionate somatic awareness when symptoms spike.

This balanced method helps your brain learn safety, reduce fight-or-flight responses, and deal with anxiety-based symptoms effectively.