Hi all, I just passed my 8-month mark at my job and for the most part, love it. Is there stress? Of course, that comes with the territory. I typically do well, even though I still have some pain. I’ve also been going deeper into therapy and learning a lot about my childhood and interestingly, found out I was forced into foster care - as in I didn’t get to say goodbye to my parents before they whisked me away. It was quite traumatic, I’m sure, but I was only 3 and don’t remember a thing. So, I feel like many of my issues stem from abandonment and fear of that, whether through death, divorce, job loss, or relationship woes. After we talked about this and processed it, I thought it would finally break the cycle, but no dice. I feel I have processed all these traumas and want to move on and stop trying to find things to process. After nearly 5 years of therapy, I want to be done and move the hell on. Now, on to the conditioning: last Saturday, I spent the day lugging heavy rocks and wood into a wheelbarrow and then taking them to the landfill and chucking them out of a trailer. I mean, these were heavy and me and hubby worked our ass off. Amazingly, I didn’t hurt, except of course for next-day soreness, but even then, I carried my grandkids all over, swung on the swings, ran around with the dog, and had mild soreness. Cue yesterday and I went back to work and was on the computer for less than an hour and BAM! The shoulder and rib pain came back. I was by myself the whole day because everyone else was on vacation for spring break, so it wasn’t all that stressful. So now this stupid pain is back and it seems my brain in so conditioned to just expect pain when I get on the computer, no matter what I tell it. This is how powerful your brain is! Anyway, I feel like the only way my brain will finally let go of TMS is to see a TMS doctor. I’ve never been to one, since I don’t have one in my state, but know I have it. Still, it seems a very tiny part of me is still doubting the diagnosis and therefore TMS keeps sticking around. If you know me, you know I’ve done everything to heal and nothing to heal, but my brain is one stubborn bitch. How the hell do I FINALLY beat this?!?!