Day 6 asks us to consider any doubts we still have about the TMS diagnosis. Maybe this is a weird one, but it keeps coming to mind - I guess it actually shows that I have high confidence in the TMS diagnosis. But my concern is about my ability to recover. I've struggled with pornography addiction since my 20s (I'm in my forties now). Over time, I realized it's not the porn itself I'm interested in. It's the rush of dopamine and other chemicals porn gives me to wash over anything remotely painful, inconvenient, boring. I use porn to self-medicate. It's a perfect counterpart for my goodist personality - practically perfect on the outside with a secret very imperfect way to deal with the stress of perfection. For years I have considered myself "almost cured", meaning for 29 out of 30 days a month I have no interest in (and in fact I'm disgusted by) pornography. But about once every 4-6 weeks I find myself irresistibly drawn back. It's like the buildup of emotion takes about a month and then my brain takes over and gives me another "therapy session" of porn. And then I'm good for another 30 days or so. As I research TMS, I'm becoming increasingly convinced that my brain has swapped out my addiction for back pain. (The pain started about 14 months ago, which is when I was having unusual success avoiding pornography -- I think I was "clean" for several months by then.) In other words, as I've reduced my reliance on porn to avoid emotional pain, my brain is now using TMS to help me continue to avoid it. If that's true, here's my concern: I've tried for 20+ years to stop using porn and I haven't been fully successful. (My last slip was 3 or 4 weeks ago.) If the root cause for my addiction and TMS are the same, what confidence can I have that I will be able to fully address it this time around? I've failed literally hundreds of times -- been through a half-dozen recovery programs. And made a huge number of promises to myself and others. And broken them all. Having said that, I have a lot of hope that this time is different. I have renewed energy in the effort. I have new resources in this site and books and videos and friends. But I've had similar hope before. I've already felt the pain decline and maybe that positive feedback will make something click for me that hasn't before. If anyone out there has had a similar experience or other thoughts, I'd love to hear them.