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Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021), Oct 19, 2012.

  1. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I know I have TMS and my back and side pain is caused by repressed emotions and think I finally have those identified, and am following Dr. Scott Brady's 6-week course (just finished two weeks) and I'm doing the daily activity things to tell my subconscious it's not tricking me. I feel as if it's starting to believe me.

    I feel less pain until I work on the computer. It's my job, at home, and I need the pay (little as it is), so how do I deal with that pain? The pain from being on the computer is physical, isn't it? Or is it also caused by suppressed emotions?

    I know others of you are also in pain from working on the computer. How do you handle it?
    I could take an Advil but want to try to tolerate the pain without it.
  2. Lala

    Lala Well known member

    In Steven Ozanich's book THE GREAT PAIN DECEPTION he talks a lot about conditioned responses, as well as triggers. Is it possible that your job/computer work is triggering the pain b/c you are unhappy about something related to your work OR perhaps the pain starts when you work on the computer as a conditioned response?

    If it makes you feel any better I took 4 advil today...I just couldn't stand it anymore. I needed some relief...even if it was temporary/placebo.
  3. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes, I believe you got it right. My back pain does soar when I work on the computer and it is work-related.
    It's a conditioned response.

    My boss is a super perfectionist and no one could ever work fast enough to please him.
    I've let him beat me like Scarlett O'Hara beat her horse in GONE WITH THE WIND
    but now I've made up my mind not to continue letting him treat me like a Chinese coolie.
    I told him I need to slow down on the work and he said okay.

    I'll just do that.

    I can imagine taking 4 Advil when the pain gets too much. They really do help and it's amazing they always know
    the right place to go where the pain is.

    I hope we both are pain free soon. I don't know how Steve put up with it so long. His golfing story is amazing.

    Let's keep in mind it could happen any day now.

    We've been doing everything Sarno and Steve and others say. Sarno says we now have to let it sink in
    to our subconscious.

    If misery loves company, you've got it.

  4. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I wrote the above with no extra pain, so it must be a work related conditioned reflex.
  5. Lala

    Lala Well known member

    Thanks Walt...that is why i love this forum...i don't feel so alone. I am trying to figure out my triggers and what are my conditioned responses (my pain seems to get worse in the late afternoon/evening). I think this symptom imperative (the pain moving from foot/hands to foot/neck...and the neck is really bad) has thrown me for a loop and set me back. I was doing really well. I just have to keep reminding myself that symptom imperative is part of my unconscious' deceptive efforts to convince me that there is something wrong me and I've been falling for it. I have this nagging idea (planted by others) that my pain might be Lyme disease...not TMS..even though in my heart I know its TMS...I have to just erase the doubt.

    I don't know how Steven put up with it for so long either....he is my hero.

    yes, healing could be any day now. Steven says we have to stop thinking about the healing...and just focus on what we love in life and the pain will go away....easier said than done. sending you a hug of support!
  6. Lala

    Lala Well known member

    PS-even though you agreed with your boss to slow down a bit your unconscious might not understand that agreement yet. Remember our Id/Shadow self has no concept of time....it is and stays as angry right now as it was when the original cause of your hurt/tension occurred....so your Id is still really pissed off at your boss...it will take time for it to let it go.
  7. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes,I bet my subconscious figures I'm still pissed at my boss. It's right. I am. Ten years of overwork for him at the computer and suppressing anger about dealing with his perfectionism doesn't go away overnight.

    About those who say you may have Lyme disease... they mean well but they shouldn't put such things in your mind. I've made the mistake of
    going on the Internet about health problems and it always misleads me to worries having nothing to do with my pain. It's just a load of TMS.

    Steve replied to one of my posts and said I have a "perfect storm" of TMS from childhood suppressions. Every American has forefathers.
    I HAD FOUR FATHERS ! My birth father twice.... mom divorced him, married a man she met in a bar (for security because he had a house and no debt), then a year later left him and remarried my father, then 10 years later my father died and two months later she married his brother, even though his brothers and sisters warned her he's nuts. He added a lot of stress to me which I suppressed. He died about seven years later and my mother never remarried but found a succession of gentlemen friends.

    I'm working hard on forgiving her and everyone else including myself.

    I really like the forum people but wish maybe everyone would tell what they think their TMS comes from. It is probably just too personal.
  8. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    A good movie can take our mind off our pain. Most new movies suck so I order the classics from Netflix
    or watch them on Turner Classic Movies.

    A really good recent romantic comedy is LETTERS TO JULIET. Vanessa Redgrave is one of the stars.
    I love her. I love most British films and tv such as DOWNTON ABBEY seasons 1 and 2.
  9. Lala

    Lala Well known member

    I'll tell you where mine came from..its not as traumatic as others, but for me i think it plays a deep role in my perfectionist personality.

    My Mother was 24 and very afraid when she had me. It was a very medicalized birth and my Mother was so out of it, she doesn't even remember. I might have even have been pulled out with forceps (which was common back then). I was not breastfed and I'm sure I was stuck in a nursery and not in contact with my Mother. Then when I came home my Mother hired a night nurse to bottle feed me at night for 2 weeks. My therapist says that the disconnect from my Mother lead me to feel total terror (early separation rage, as Steve would say) and that leads to repressed rage in the Id. I started building the protective walls of perfectionist as a tiny infant. My Mother said I was a very willful child. She pressured me into potty training early and she also said I discovered "my body" at an early age and had to constantly be reprimanded not to touch myself in front of others (talking about repressing primal needs and then being pissed about it along with the Super Ego laying guilt and shame on top of it). Then my parents went on to divorce when I was 15. It was my Mother who left...yet abandoning me again, or so it felt. The theme of abandoment or feeling like an outsider has replayed itself over and over again in my life. Fast forward till now and I am struggling with my own role as Mother of a 2 year old son...feeling conflicted between loving him and giving him my attention/care and also missing my pre-parenthood life.

    How's that for personal?

    I had TMS 10 years ago and cured myself through Sarno's books and therapy. It didn't feel as challenging as it does not. I don't think I really understood that healing from TMS is a life long commitment...hence the relapse. This time I understand that the healing process is about changing how I think...not just now when I'm in pain, but also after once the pain is gone...its necessary to keep up the mindful practices.
  10. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Thank you for sharing that. Maybe you can try to figure out why your mother abandoned you. What was her mother like to her? You have learned the cause of your pain and others have said you don't have to resolve it, just know it. And forgive. That can be the change you need. Change, as much as possible, can be the path to being pain free.

    My best friend's wife felt mother rejection and it made her ill as an adult and a mother herself. No one knew about TMS back then or she probably could have followed it to the root of her illness, but she had some therapy and was able to forgive her mother. It made her well again.

    Hope you have a great day.
  11. Lala

    Lala Well known member

    thanks walt. the irony is i have a very close and loving relationship with my mother now. My mother was sexually, verbally, and physically abused by her father. Her mother was a victim as well...her Mother was shut down and disconnected. She did not protect her children. My mom was angry at her for a very long time. But after my Grandfather died and through a lot of therapy my Mother learned to forgive her Mom and then ended up having a very loving relationship until her death (Grandma) a year ago. I think my mother was very fearful when she had me. She did not have a role model of good mothering. She felt inept and incapable (though she ended up being a great Mom and still is). I must have sensed her fear, which must have felt like abandonment to me, both as an infant and again as a teenager.

    HOpe you have a good day to. I understand the root of my repressed rage...but my unconscious is taking a long time to catch on. I need to erase doubt and let go of fear. My new mantra is "integrate and overcome." I say it when I'm walking to the beat of my foot steps....i want to integrate all I've learned and then accept and rise above my fears, flaws and struggles.
  12. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    That explains a lot about your past and present feelings. I'm glad you and your mother are on good terms now. I think your subconscious will get it and soon. Just keep adding forgiveness to it all.

    Mine is taking its time too, but I just keep going. I did my grocery shopping this morning and then drove my dog to her favorite park where she sniffed while I walked. My back hurt but that's nothing new and not as painful as its been before.

    Now I'm home sitting and those back muscles will relax. I listen to nature music and do my deep breathing (that really relaxes). Inhale through the nose, hold the breath a few seconds, exhale through the mouth saying "Poof!"
  13. Explorer

    Explorer Well known member

    I used to have pain in the back of my legs and rear end. It was really hard to do my work on the computer. I used ice packs and a heating pad initially. Now the pain has moved to the front of my legs, calves and hands. I just keep hacking away like there is no tomorrow.

    TMS is very strange....
  14. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes, TMS is strange, especially when it moves around.
    Pain while I'm on the computer is stronger when it's work-related. I'm too conscientious and am now slowing down.

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