Hey everybody, this is my first post and actually the first time I will write about this anywhere. I guess I'll give you guys most of the full story, and this might be long because there's a lot to it and I'm not really sure how much detail is appropriate, so my apologies if I seem long-winded.
I'm a 21 year old guy, and in the 2016-17 school year I took a semester off from University to practice music. (I had been studying jazz performance degree in school). I was practicing/playing 8+ hours a day, and there was a lot of pressure on me, both internal and external. Externally, my parents had agreed to pay my rent for my "sabbatical" and so they were expecting me to become excellent at music during my time off. Additionally, all of my friends at school knew I was taking time off specifically to practice, so I knew they had expectations of me to come back to school and be this amazing musician. Internally, I was putting a lot of pressure on myself as well, because of course I wanted to be great.
In Nov. 2016 I started getting pain in my right forearm, which I thought was just from playing saxophone too much. At first I ignored it, but it just started getting worse and worse, to the point where I was in agonizing pain even playing for a few minutes. But I had a number of important gigs around that time, so I basically took a ton of ibuprofen and kept practicing. By the time my important stuff was done in mid-January of 2017, my right arm felt like it was destroyed. The pain became constant and agonizing, like my arm was eating itself alive from the inside or something.
I started going to various doctors and physical therapists, who all turned out to be completely useless. I saw my GP, Ortho specialists, chiropractors, physical therapists, hand surgeons, everyone I could think of. I had X-Rays, ultrasounds, range of motion+strength tests, and everything was completely normal. There was apparently nothing wrong with my arm. I did a few soft tissue treatments like Graston & ART, and they helped to some degree but not completely. After a month or so of doing those my arm did feel significantly better, and I thought I was going to be fine! So I started playing saxophone again, after having stopped for a few months. From about March to May of 2017, everything was actually pretty great. I was playing music again, and I was not pain-free, but I could function and play for several hours a day with no huge issues.
Then at the beginning of June, I came back home from the Summer to my parents house. I figured while I was back, I would go back to the Chiro and get some maintenance ART treatments. Couldn't hurt, right? So I went back, and after the first treatment the pain got much worse once again. It actually got almost as bad as it was back in January. I didn't understand how it was possible. Now I know it was TMS, but at that point I didn't know what to think. After that, the pain started getting worse again, even though I was playing saxophone much less than when the problem originally started. It didn't make any sense. After being frustrated with unsuccessful treatments for 6 months, I decided to stop playing saxophone completely, for 6 months. That was my last resort, and I was convinced that just giving my arm enough time to "heal" would be the only way through this "injury." So, that's what I did. But then it got worse.
The pain in my arms spread from my forearm, to my hand and fingers of my right arm. Then it spread to my elbow. Then during the summer, typing started to bother me where it hadn't at all before. Then my LEFT arm started hurting when typing. My forearm, in the same place as my right arm. Then both of my hands started to hurt constantly, and I got sharp pains in my fingers after typing for any length of time. It didn't make any sense, once again. I thought I had hurt myself playing saxophone, why is TYPING bothering me now? For about 2 months I started avoiding the computer at all costs. I started reading books and going for walks instead, as well as use voice recognition software. I thought that if I just stopped using the computer for long enough, my hands and arms would eventually heal.
Around that exact time, I started to get other symptoms, too. My chest started to hurt all the time. It didn't feel like heartburn, just like really bad pain. I started to not be able to eat certain foods because they would make me puke, so I avoided a lot of foods, and actually just avoided eating altogether, as much as I possibly could. After a few weeks, it still continued to get so bad that I went to the emergency room because it felt like my esophagus was literally burning, no matter what I ate, how I slept, or anything else I did. They sent me straight back home. I thought that it was most likely from taking too much ibuprofen for my arm pain, since ibuprofen has been known to cause ulcers and other gastrointestinal issues. I ended up seeing a Gastroenterologist who gave me an endoscopy & prescribed me some anti-acid medicine, and the problem seemed to go away after a couple weeks, and for the most part I could eat normally once again.
Once I had stopped using the computer, I had started using my phone more since that didn't seem to bother me. Well, you can probably guess what happened. Yes, my thumbs began to hurt. Now this is where I began to get kind of suspicious. This was in August, and I hadn't even heard of TMS, but I knew that this didn't make any sense at all. I knew there was nothing wrong with my thumbs.
Fast forward to mid-August, and this is where everything went to complete and total shit. I was planning on going back to school, and I actually had a lease on an apartment and I was registered for classes for September. Then one day I posted something on Facebook that caused a complete shitstorm with half of my friends at school. People who I thought were close friends were suddenly calling me a disgusting person, a racist, etc. I won't go into the details of that, but it stressed me out beyond belief. I was going to have to go back to school and interact with all these people (who all shared my major as well) who now hated me, and thought I was a trash human being. I seriously considered switching schools, because I was going to have to see these people on a daily basis. I was completely dreading going back to school from that point on and on the inside I was so worried, but I just kept it all inside.
It was right after that falling out that the worst pain started. I was taking a walk (to avoid using the computer), and I noticed my balls began to hurt. It started to feel like someone had kicked me right in the groin. I started walking back to my car, about half a mile away. By the time I got back to my car I literally could not move. I couldn't even drive I was in so much pain. Ever since I took that walk, the testicular pain became constant, and it only got worse. I saw my GP who diagnosed me with epididymitis and gave me some antibiotics. They did nothing, and there was no confirmation of any kind of infection or inflammation. Long story short, I ended up having to cancel school and continue to stay at home. After about a week, I could not walk more than 5 minutes without excruciating testicular pain that would literally put me on the ground in tears. Right now it's January of 2018 and I've seen 4 urologists, who all have told me different things. Stop eating spicy food & alcohol, take hot baths, wear a scrotal support, go to physical therapy, etc and nothing has helped at all. I've had multiple ultrasounds, physical exams, prostate exams, and there is apparently nothing wrong with my testicles. They just hurt like hell and I can't walk. As far as medical doctors go, really the only next step is a spermatic cord denervation, which is a really extreme last resort and has the potential to go wrong and cause lifelong nerve pain in the groin and thigh. I want to avoid that at all costs, as you can imagine.
Once this testicular pain started, the other problems got much, much worse as well. My arms and hands were barely usable. The stomach medicine I was on COMPLETELY stopped working. It started to feel like I wasn't taking any medicine at all. It was hell, and it's been hell ever since then. I've gotten depressed and have a ton of trouble falling asleep, and staying asleep. I have no motivation to do anything. What can I even do, anyway? Not much...
In November I learned about TMS through some success stories on YouTube. I knew IMMEDIATELY this is what I have. I bought Healing Back Pain and read it in one sitting. Since November I've been more conscious of my repressed emotions, and started seeing a psychologist. But not much has changed. I did start playing saxophone again, and my arms don't hurt as much as they once did, but I am still in constant pain. My stomach pain has gotten slightly better, but I am still in constant pain once again.
It wasn't until just this week that I started to consider that perhaps the testicular pain is just another manifestation of TMS. I couldn't bring myself to believe it. It has just been too severe to be TMS, so I thought. But now I'm convinced that the testicular pain is TMS, too. It is far too coincidental that the pain started just after I had the falling out with all my friends, and right before I was going to go back to school, and right in concurrence with these other chronic health problems. But I don't know what to do about it. I really don't.
I know that healing is going to take a long time with a case that is this severe and with the amount of emotions that I've been repressing for basically my whole life, but I honestly don't even know how to start resuming any semblance of normal activity when I can't even walk for more than a couple minutes. I'm confident that I CAN get better, but I just don't know HOW.
I'm trapped in this vicious cycle of the fear of the pain continuing indefinitely leading to more stress leading to more pain, and I don't know how to break that cycle. I'm convinced that my arm and stomach problems aren't going to get better unless I can fix the testicular problem, which has been causing me the most stress of all as it has essentially made me an invalid. I wake up every morning and every muscle in body is stiff and sore from not moving at all and from being stressed and anxious to the max. I have developed bad lower back pain, neck pain and buttock pain which just makes everything worse and makes my quality of life extremely poor. I have so much anxiety now about everything in my life, whereas before all this I was just a happy, carefree person. I just constantly feel on-edge and extremely tense all over my body. For the past few months I've just been in a constant downward spiral that I don't know how to escape. I'm a person who has always kept emotions bottled up inside, and now those repressed emotions are destroying my life and my future. It feels like I'm slowly being buried alive. Any advice or words of encouragement would be extremely welcomed at this point, and thank you so much for taking the time to read my story.
I'm a 21 year old guy, and in the 2016-17 school year I took a semester off from University to practice music. (I had been studying jazz performance degree in school). I was practicing/playing 8+ hours a day, and there was a lot of pressure on me, both internal and external. Externally, my parents had agreed to pay my rent for my "sabbatical" and so they were expecting me to become excellent at music during my time off. Additionally, all of my friends at school knew I was taking time off specifically to practice, so I knew they had expectations of me to come back to school and be this amazing musician. Internally, I was putting a lot of pressure on myself as well, because of course I wanted to be great.
In Nov. 2016 I started getting pain in my right forearm, which I thought was just from playing saxophone too much. At first I ignored it, but it just started getting worse and worse, to the point where I was in agonizing pain even playing for a few minutes. But I had a number of important gigs around that time, so I basically took a ton of ibuprofen and kept practicing. By the time my important stuff was done in mid-January of 2017, my right arm felt like it was destroyed. The pain became constant and agonizing, like my arm was eating itself alive from the inside or something.
I started going to various doctors and physical therapists, who all turned out to be completely useless. I saw my GP, Ortho specialists, chiropractors, physical therapists, hand surgeons, everyone I could think of. I had X-Rays, ultrasounds, range of motion+strength tests, and everything was completely normal. There was apparently nothing wrong with my arm. I did a few soft tissue treatments like Graston & ART, and they helped to some degree but not completely. After a month or so of doing those my arm did feel significantly better, and I thought I was going to be fine! So I started playing saxophone again, after having stopped for a few months. From about March to May of 2017, everything was actually pretty great. I was playing music again, and I was not pain-free, but I could function and play for several hours a day with no huge issues.
Then at the beginning of June, I came back home from the Summer to my parents house. I figured while I was back, I would go back to the Chiro and get some maintenance ART treatments. Couldn't hurt, right? So I went back, and after the first treatment the pain got much worse once again. It actually got almost as bad as it was back in January. I didn't understand how it was possible. Now I know it was TMS, but at that point I didn't know what to think. After that, the pain started getting worse again, even though I was playing saxophone much less than when the problem originally started. It didn't make any sense. After being frustrated with unsuccessful treatments for 6 months, I decided to stop playing saxophone completely, for 6 months. That was my last resort, and I was convinced that just giving my arm enough time to "heal" would be the only way through this "injury." So, that's what I did. But then it got worse.
The pain in my arms spread from my forearm, to my hand and fingers of my right arm. Then it spread to my elbow. Then during the summer, typing started to bother me where it hadn't at all before. Then my LEFT arm started hurting when typing. My forearm, in the same place as my right arm. Then both of my hands started to hurt constantly, and I got sharp pains in my fingers after typing for any length of time. It didn't make any sense, once again. I thought I had hurt myself playing saxophone, why is TYPING bothering me now? For about 2 months I started avoiding the computer at all costs. I started reading books and going for walks instead, as well as use voice recognition software. I thought that if I just stopped using the computer for long enough, my hands and arms would eventually heal.
Around that exact time, I started to get other symptoms, too. My chest started to hurt all the time. It didn't feel like heartburn, just like really bad pain. I started to not be able to eat certain foods because they would make me puke, so I avoided a lot of foods, and actually just avoided eating altogether, as much as I possibly could. After a few weeks, it still continued to get so bad that I went to the emergency room because it felt like my esophagus was literally burning, no matter what I ate, how I slept, or anything else I did. They sent me straight back home. I thought that it was most likely from taking too much ibuprofen for my arm pain, since ibuprofen has been known to cause ulcers and other gastrointestinal issues. I ended up seeing a Gastroenterologist who gave me an endoscopy & prescribed me some anti-acid medicine, and the problem seemed to go away after a couple weeks, and for the most part I could eat normally once again.
Once I had stopped using the computer, I had started using my phone more since that didn't seem to bother me. Well, you can probably guess what happened. Yes, my thumbs began to hurt. Now this is where I began to get kind of suspicious. This was in August, and I hadn't even heard of TMS, but I knew that this didn't make any sense at all. I knew there was nothing wrong with my thumbs.
Fast forward to mid-August, and this is where everything went to complete and total shit. I was planning on going back to school, and I actually had a lease on an apartment and I was registered for classes for September. Then one day I posted something on Facebook that caused a complete shitstorm with half of my friends at school. People who I thought were close friends were suddenly calling me a disgusting person, a racist, etc. I won't go into the details of that, but it stressed me out beyond belief. I was going to have to go back to school and interact with all these people (who all shared my major as well) who now hated me, and thought I was a trash human being. I seriously considered switching schools, because I was going to have to see these people on a daily basis. I was completely dreading going back to school from that point on and on the inside I was so worried, but I just kept it all inside.
It was right after that falling out that the worst pain started. I was taking a walk (to avoid using the computer), and I noticed my balls began to hurt. It started to feel like someone had kicked me right in the groin. I started walking back to my car, about half a mile away. By the time I got back to my car I literally could not move. I couldn't even drive I was in so much pain. Ever since I took that walk, the testicular pain became constant, and it only got worse. I saw my GP who diagnosed me with epididymitis and gave me some antibiotics. They did nothing, and there was no confirmation of any kind of infection or inflammation. Long story short, I ended up having to cancel school and continue to stay at home. After about a week, I could not walk more than 5 minutes without excruciating testicular pain that would literally put me on the ground in tears. Right now it's January of 2018 and I've seen 4 urologists, who all have told me different things. Stop eating spicy food & alcohol, take hot baths, wear a scrotal support, go to physical therapy, etc and nothing has helped at all. I've had multiple ultrasounds, physical exams, prostate exams, and there is apparently nothing wrong with my testicles. They just hurt like hell and I can't walk. As far as medical doctors go, really the only next step is a spermatic cord denervation, which is a really extreme last resort and has the potential to go wrong and cause lifelong nerve pain in the groin and thigh. I want to avoid that at all costs, as you can imagine.
Once this testicular pain started, the other problems got much, much worse as well. My arms and hands were barely usable. The stomach medicine I was on COMPLETELY stopped working. It started to feel like I wasn't taking any medicine at all. It was hell, and it's been hell ever since then. I've gotten depressed and have a ton of trouble falling asleep, and staying asleep. I have no motivation to do anything. What can I even do, anyway? Not much...
In November I learned about TMS through some success stories on YouTube. I knew IMMEDIATELY this is what I have. I bought Healing Back Pain and read it in one sitting. Since November I've been more conscious of my repressed emotions, and started seeing a psychologist. But not much has changed. I did start playing saxophone again, and my arms don't hurt as much as they once did, but I am still in constant pain. My stomach pain has gotten slightly better, but I am still in constant pain once again.
It wasn't until just this week that I started to consider that perhaps the testicular pain is just another manifestation of TMS. I couldn't bring myself to believe it. It has just been too severe to be TMS, so I thought. But now I'm convinced that the testicular pain is TMS, too. It is far too coincidental that the pain started just after I had the falling out with all my friends, and right before I was going to go back to school, and right in concurrence with these other chronic health problems. But I don't know what to do about it. I really don't.
I know that healing is going to take a long time with a case that is this severe and with the amount of emotions that I've been repressing for basically my whole life, but I honestly don't even know how to start resuming any semblance of normal activity when I can't even walk for more than a couple minutes. I'm confident that I CAN get better, but I just don't know HOW.
I'm trapped in this vicious cycle of the fear of the pain continuing indefinitely leading to more stress leading to more pain, and I don't know how to break that cycle. I'm convinced that my arm and stomach problems aren't going to get better unless I can fix the testicular problem, which has been causing me the most stress of all as it has essentially made me an invalid. I wake up every morning and every muscle in body is stiff and sore from not moving at all and from being stressed and anxious to the max. I have developed bad lower back pain, neck pain and buttock pain which just makes everything worse and makes my quality of life extremely poor. I have so much anxiety now about everything in my life, whereas before all this I was just a happy, carefree person. I just constantly feel on-edge and extremely tense all over my body. For the past few months I've just been in a constant downward spiral that I don't know how to escape. I'm a person who has always kept emotions bottled up inside, and now those repressed emotions are destroying my life and my future. It feels like I'm slowly being buried alive. Any advice or words of encouragement would be extremely welcomed at this point, and thank you so much for taking the time to read my story.
