Chronic Foot Pain (Desperate)

[brianna95]

Hi everyone,

I'm a 31 y.o who has been running all my life and lifting on and off since college, though I've now been consistently lifting for the last 2 years. I've always thought of myself as very strong and capable and fit. In January of this year, after a run I was sitting on the back of my heels to stretch my toes/bottom of my feet (honestly I just assumed it was a good thing to do though there was no real reason to do this). From that day on, I had pain under my second toe. For months I tried resting, physical therapy, everything I was suggested and kept feeling like I was being set back by something. In August the pain felt like it spread to the bottom of my whole foot and comes/goes. Every morning makes me panic because the second I step out of bed, whether it feels good or bad, there is so much emotional pain attached to it. While I'm out shopping I feel the dull ache and it ruins my mood.

While the physical pain is mostly a dull annoying ache, the main problem is really my feeling of sadness and hopelessness that I will never be the athlete I want to be again. I also dealt with a knee injury starting in 2024 for context that took a LONG time to mostly fix (though its still not the best, its much better than it was). I mention that because the time has added up, making me feel like I'm constantly in this "injured" phase when this was never the reality of my life in the past. I feel so depressed sometimes because I have always wanted to run races, be athletic, and push myself. It's not just my hobby, it's a big part of my identity and purpose.

I think it's possible the initial injury was real and mostly healed but the continued weird achiness is TMS. It also tends to feel better with activity, when I'm distracted, etc lots of tell tale signs of TMS. I've even started walk/run intervals to build my mileage and am feeling like it was responding well. The problem is I'll be doing well, and accidentally something will happen to set it back. I just feel so burnt out from feeling like "injured" one instead of the strong capable athlete I felt like my whole life. If anyone has experienced something similar or has any advice, please let me know. Thank you. (Edit: It's also worth mentioning other hard things have happened in my life during this time, such as dealing with ovarian cyst/surgery, losing my job, etc. and that I tend to be a high achiever/perfectionist sort of personality type)

 

[Rabscuttle]

What’s your Tms knowledge like? Have you done any programs. The structured educational program on this site is a good place to start.

You’ve had basic scans done and all negative?

This absolutely sounds like tms to me, the shifting pain, the going away when distracted. Your reaction to the symptoms are extremely important, if you react with dread, anger or annoyance you’re telling the brain to keep them going.

That said, I think you’re going to have to approach this a bit deeper than just the reaction to the symptoms. Your description of yourself is commonplace in this place-the perfectionist, identifying with your physical self, exercise and fitness being a large part of your identity. I think you need to lower the stakes and work on your self worth outside of physical things. I’d imagine at the core of this issue is a sense of low self worth and/or purpose, thoughts of “if I don’t or can’t do X then I have no value or am a loser or I’m that skinny weak unattractive person I was in the past.” At least that’s what they were for me and what you write resonates with the person I’m trying to move on from. You have intrinsic value regardless of what you do or don’t accomplish fitness wise. I’m not saying this to get you to quit exercise or anything, quite the opposite just that they should be approached from a different lens. Do things because they’re fun and bring joy not because your self worth is tied up in them.

I recommend spiritual non guided meditation as a means of thinking beyond physical things.

Focus on what you can do with your circumstances rather than lamenting what you can’t. Maybe you can’t run how you wanted right now, maybe you can cycle or swim, maybe you can longboard, who knows.