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Christmas and family issues

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by karinabrown, Dec 14, 2017.

  1. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Keep your faith my dear. And yes, I think you've found a topic for discussion in the New Year. 'Til then...
    karinabrown likes this.
  2. Lainey

    Lainey Well known member

    To all,
    This holiday I am home with my spouse, cat and dog. This morning drove good friends to the airport for their trip to the west coast. Came home, called a few close friends and a couple of close family members. Dinner is now in the oven, no guests tonight, no going out either. Tomorrow, Christmas day will most likely be spent like today. This is the first time I have spent such a quiet Christmas holiday. I find that I am content.
    We all know we are on the right path, however, the climb is sometimes a bit steep. May all of you have a Christmas that can leave you with some contentment even if it is just knowing this.
  3. Lily Rose

    Lily Rose Beloved Grand Eagle

    To all ... I send much love and compassion and much needed energy <3

    I am home alone with my dog, who needs 24/7 supervision from a broken foot that is slooowly healing. My husband is with his Mom (out of state). While he is gone, I cannot leave the house, nor can I leave my sweet Lucy long in any room unsupervised. Our deep mattress has been extended from the couch, and we have been 'camping out' in the living room for three months. Since this is next to the wood stove, Lucy and I are extremely happy (we love to be warm), and we like the golden light during the night. My husband ... not so much ;)

    My Mom is up on the mountain top (I'm down the hill from her), and we both are happily spending the holidays completely unfettered from all gatherings, neither one of us leaving our house.

    Other than the painful empathy for my dog, this is one of the better holidays for me.

    For me, being alone is not lonely. I miss my husband, and he wishes that we could run far away together so we can always be 'alone' without the stresses of family (which is one reason we moved to Alaska so long ago, but we didn't run far enough).

    Sage is burned for cleansing. Essential oil simmers in the water on the wood stove. Music plays softly, or sometimes loudly. I dance, sing, wear my coined scarf over leggings so I can make noise when I move. My amp and equalizer are hooked up and I practice practice practice music (I need much practice ;) ).

    The rain has just started, and I've opened a window just to hear it.

    In these precious moments of alone-time, I find much contentment. The only way it could more perfect is if my partner-Love were here.

    I agree with Plum .... I am grateful to see such a thread started. The holidays can be so gut-twistingly painful. Family issues are always so very complicated. And Winter is hard. The bareness and the lack of extended sunlight can make us feel lost. But it is just the Season. It will pass, and flowers and blossoms will fill our senses again. Have faith :)

    Blessings and Love to All ~
    Free of Fear, Time2be, Lizzy and 6 others like this.
  4. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Lily rose,

    Your reply is hopefull and happy and made me smile. Lot of christmas stress is coming from the ‘should be’
    and what ‘was’ long time ago
    Because of your message just hugged with my dog and was gratefull for a moment to have him in my arms and just simply be in this moment
    He almost 14 and that’s old for his breed. Nothing so good at grounding a human than a dog. Can understand you missing your husband but this is ‘almost as good as it gets’
    Wish you happy days !
    plum and Lily Rose like this.
  5. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hi plum,

    Yes keep the faith. We must. And indeed another topic for the new year. We have our own therapeutic conversations here : better than pills i think. Thanks !
    Time2be and plum like this.
  6. Lily Rose

    Lily Rose Beloved Grand Eagle

    I love all animals. They are just as sentient as we claim to be. They think, feel, and express themselves quite clearly if you are observant enough to see/hear/feel the signs they give. I do not know what Lucy's life was like before we got her (she was six when she came into our lives), but she was unhealthy with skin rashes, and terrified clear days, so going outside was fraught with cowering terror unless it was cloudy. It took over a year for her to be relaxed under blue skies.

    Every week, I make up a batch of food for her, using only meat from local and compassionate farmers, and mostly organic ingredients. Her skin and hair are fantastic (the vet often comments on her silkiness). Through these last three months, I have given her 6 cups a day of Catnip tea with honey, which keeps her mildly sedated so she isn't over active (she is a Yellow Lab/Golden Retriever mix, and they are very energized!). This is how I know herbs do work, because they work so well on my dog. (Catnip is how I came off pharmaceuticals.)

    I'm very glad to see another person loving their dog companion :) Fourteen years is a lot! I think Lucy may make that, as she is so healthy. Everyone is always surprised by her age.

    How we treat animals says a lot about a person.

    Sweet Karina ... you are a blessing, and you are Loved. Never forget that ~

    .... with Love and Gratitude <3
    plum and karinabrown like this.
  7. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Lily rose,

    My dog, my loving man , and the good people here in this wiki will get my sane through Christmas. Its really comforting to chat with all of you who understand and can relate.
    Never heard of ‘catnip’ will Google it.
    Can use some natural remedie to relax instead of chemical pills.
    Our dog is almost blind but still very energetic, he is a huntingdog. A real smart and funny ‘personality ‘ and fearless despite the blindless. He has been so important to us the last 14 years, loosing him is too hard to even think about (but ofcourse every day i am totally aware it will come )
    Thank you and all the others expressing feelings on this christmas topic.

    Wish you all good days
    Lily Rose and plum like this.
  8. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    I love the warmth and sharing of this thread. It speaks so much about our deep-rooted need to move forwards with love or step backwards from fear or for protection. The hurts we speak of and the natural resistance they generate have held us hostage for so long that it has become hard to seperate events from people from memories and yet we can do it.

    In a triumph of healing I am happy to report I enjoyed the best and most magical Christmas Day in years. Come evening time I was brimming with joy and happiness of the kind that makes you want to pinch yourself to make sure it is real.

    Today I am infused with the afterglow and a soft resolution to move forwards with love. I'm delighted to have broken an old pattern and to have remembered the innocent and childlike joy that resides in my bones.

    Thanks to all for being instrumental in this. You and your doggies are the best.

    Plum xxx
    Lily Rose, Lizzy and Lainey like this.
  9. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hi Plum,

    You breaking this ‘bad tradition ‘ and having a good christmas : this is good stuff we are sharing!
    Maybe christmas can be the kickoff for more and better days : and help us choose better and do better not just for others but also ourself.
    This christmas i was stressed but learned that forgiving is key to allow myself some space too . I am still learning. Love how we all talked about this and got something out of it! Think about what we can do for easter :)
    plum and Lily Rose like this.
  10. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    Thanks for this wonderful thread! I survived Christmas quite well this time. I kept my boundaries and surprise: I was painfree! I accept that I cannot help my parents. I took the good things and left the bad things behind.
    Now a new year has started and I am more aware of my emotions and what’s going on with me than ever. Let’s see were I will arrive.
    karinabrown, Lainey and plum like this.
  11. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hi All,

    A year has gone by since i posted this topic. Sadly i can look back at a bad year.
    Was here shortly is august the rest of this year i was just a reader every now abd then here
    So this is a update ..
    Just last year i hoped from that day on the family drama would fade but sadly 2018 brought a lot of missery

    To make a long and sad story short : morther fell, went into care and now since 2 months permenant in a caring home. The relationship with one of my sisters has fallen apart and almost walk away from it all
    My mother is not too bad now in terms of psysical , after a lot of drama she now is relieved to be in her new place

    I can honestly say it really has taken a huge toll on me. Lost 5 kilo and my ibs flared up enormous and still is very bad
    Now strugling with fear about that (is this still ibs ... or something scarry : and there i go again: back in the fear loop)
    Just one year ago my foot pain was my biggest issue and now its my bowel issues. I can hardly believe that.
    Last two weeks some flu symptoms so overall i am in bad shape. Tired, upset and my imuun system is weak
    Only positive thing (i hope) this last months : i finally saw a therapist and have the intension to move on with that in the new year.
    Now that my mother has moved and my sisters and myself are no longer
    being forced to deal with everything and eachother : the daily stress of the past year is over for now. But i feel tired and upset and need time to process it all. At the same time i try to keep my fear about my new psysical problems ‘under control’ but its hard. Hope ‘ this is tms and that also would be very
    understandable. Than fear kicks:
    So much pain etc cannot be good ‘normal’ etc.

    Struglin with forgiving myself , others and letting go ‘ (not my best part)
    So also this year the chrismas spirit is hard to find. No big dinners or family gathering this year though.. Just me and my husband and our lovely dog.
    Quiet , so maybe this will calm me down. Hoping for better days
  12. Lainey

    Lainey Well known member

    Hi Karina
    Good to see a post from you. I am sorry that you have had such a troubling year. I too have not been too involved in the forum but occasionally will read a few of the entries or make a brief comment. Maybe 2018 can be looked back on as a 'year of change' for us. Hopefully, for the better.

    My holiday this year is also a very quiet one, but I am not unhappy about this. I am also truly sorry that you and your siblings (sisters??) are not in congenial dialogue. Family disconnection always takes a toll. I have had my share of them in past years. Must admit though, that for the most part my siblings and I are doing okay. We are all quite a bit older
    than you (I believe) and have our own grown children and no living parents.

    Dogs are WONDERFUL companions. You are lucky to have their constant adoration. Take solace in your pet, your husband and hope for a still better 2019.

    Free of Fear likes this.
  13. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hi Lainey,

    Thank you for your kind reply,
    Well : 2018 being a year of big changes : you are right about that
    Litteraly : on top of all the external stress i am strugling hard with ‘the change (menopause) which also gives me a feelig of ‘being off balance’ psysical and emotional.
    And all the things we have to face groing older : not for sissy’s is it?
    I feel like i am starting to be a bit of a bitter old lady : and i do not like that.
    I would not even prefer my own company at the moment so i bless my husband and dog for putting up with me still. Also 2019 has some challenges to face which scare me. But al the same time i realize : this is life..
    Its me who feels i am not up for the challenge and that is the scarry part
    I am a bit of a hurt animal right now who is wounded and wants to hide
    from it all. At the same realize this ‘feeling the victim ‘ is not helping me and only makes matters worse.
    Hopefuly some quiet times will be ahead and time will heal a bit
    I need to shift my focus to other stuff
    that’s the key to change at least into a better mood i hope

    You having a quiet holiday is not bad i guess. Remember the conversations we had before about christmas and expectstions etc.
    Last year i found that kind of comforting to realize that christmas was for many people not that easy
    In spite what tv commercials are trying to make us belief
    Also realize maybe this last year my total focus was on all the drama once again and (again) forgot about joy, fun,
    even chatten here on the wiki
    which many times was helful to me
    So i have to ‘dust myself of and pick myself up

    How are you doing on the psysical stuff Lainey ? Dare i ask ?

    Lainey likes this.
  14. Lainey

    Lainey Well known member

    Thanks for asking.
    I am physically doing a bit better. This year 2018, is better than 2017 and I expect more positive outcomes for the future months. The remaining physical issue is a hip/right side bursa/thigh pain that has, occasionally and briefly) subsided. This occasional/brief relief leaves me with a clear sense of how TMS plays into our physical issues.

    I am attempting to move forward with confidence, in spite of pain. When the pain is too intense I find ice pacs help. I just take a rest and regroup. Every few weeks I see a massage practitioner who has become a friend. We talk, sharing many of our own issues with one another. She is training for certification in a number of modalities and I am her willing guinea pig, (although I continue to pay for her services). None of them are a 'magic bullet' but overall I find the treatments relaxing and rejuvenating.

    This Christmas will be one of the most quiet ones I have ever had, and, I am happy about it. My husband and I exchange a few gifts and that is about it, as far as gifting.
    We will drive to the mountains to spend a quiet week at a cabin we have and have invited four friends for New Years eve. Very low key.

    As far as menopause goes, sometimes women find it helpful to meditate on the reality of letting go, that is, letting go of this stage of our lives and moving forward with hope and joy for the future. Give yourself permission to move on with your life and sooth the inner voices that are saying YIKES! I'm aging. What is my life to be now? It can be inspiring and beautiful. It is OK to be where you are in this stage of your life.

    Anyway, best to you and your husband and your beloved doggie.

    karinabrown likes this.
  15. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    2018 had also been a very mixed year for me. Karina, I hope you can enjoy the quiet Christmas. I find it very peaceful and without the usual emotional ups and downs. You had a lot on your plate. Try self soothing, love yourself. If you feel like a victim you could think of yourself as right now in a sleeping position, gaining more and more energy. You will feel better after this! And how great you have a husband who is supportive!

    I wish you all a merry Christmas!
    karinabrown likes this.
  16. Free of Fear

    Free of Fear Well known member

    Merry Christmas to everyone :)
    This was a good thread for me to read.
    karinabrown likes this.
  17. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member


    Sounds like you are still improving
    and that’s great. Bet if you keep the positive thoughts going you will get to even less flare ups.
    Or : better : none!
    Happy to hear you are doing pretty good

    Tms is a crazy thing isn’t it ? I can litterly remember me thinking : if this footpain ever gets better i will be on top of the world’ than i will be fine ‘
    Well it proofs to be not that simple
    Although: any kind of progress is good

    Menopause : .. well lets say i guess some angry man must have come up with that one.what a useless strugle..
    Have too many issues which i now think are related with menopause or tms or .. ? That’s my strugle.. its scary
    .. and you
    are right about the aging aspect:
    What is my life going to be :that is the question.. there is a lot to work trough
    ‘What to leave in, what to leave out’
    What if only life would be so good to give us some space to face all that without all the external extra stuff
    But its not like for many of us ,i know

    Hope you enjoy your holiday and have a great newyears eve !
    And a even better 2019
    Lainey likes this.
  18. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    U2 : time2be
    Sleeping sounds very good : also one of the hard things lately : so sleep would be very welcome
    Hope your christmas was relaxed
    And you are right : having support is very fine. Hope you have that too

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