rabbits
Newcomer
This is certainly not the place I figured I'd find myself in after 8 years of on and off wrist, elbow, and shoulder pain. Nonetheless, I'm so grateful to be here, and so grateful for the community that makes it possible to go through the SEP (for free, I might add!).
Some info about me: I'm 29 and a professional artist. I had an inciting incident in 2018 that resulted in severe tendonitis in the wrist, thumb, and elbow: my "thesis" art project in my final year of college. I worked on it every day for 8 months, 6-10 hours a day. I didn't stretch, or exercise, or eat well. Our class had a pretty bad relationship with the staff, and there was a lot of pressure to perform as well as the top performing art schools (they wanted one of our films to get into an awards show). The stress was terrible, I was angry, and finally... my body gave out.
The pain in my dominant hand was so severe that I couldn't sleep, and what's worse is I pushed through it in order to finish. They threatened not graduating me if I didn't finish the final project, and I didn't have the money for another semester of tuition. I was between a rock and a hard place, choosing my health and my body over the experience of graduating on time with all my friends... I fear I chose poorly.
I graduated on time in a wrist brace. The summer was spent in recovery, bored out of my mind, ONLY wanting to draw and craft. I struggled to find work. I was *so* angry, at the school, at myself, and at the world. I felt like I'd wasted all this money on a useless degree, and hurt myself while doing so.
I found work, but the pain kept returning. Sometimes it would last weeks, months, and it would only go away if I stopped obsessing over it. I exhausted my options with physical therapy, hand specialists, cortisone injections, special medication, alternative medicine, chiro, better sleep, better exercise, better diet... but no matter what I tried, the injury always came back. If I got excited about an art project and dedicated myself to it, the pain would return after only a few days. It would be as severe as it was right before I graduated school, when the injury felt the worst.
It evolved from there. Whenever I'd do a big load of dishes, or mop the floors, or wipe the counters, I'd get a similar pain in my hand. The reminder of how severe it *could* get was enough for me to stop the activity out of fear of making it worse, and robbing myself of use of my hand.
After the second year of dealing with this, COVID hit. From there, I pretty much gave up on treating the injury. I accepted that I had a permanent condition that couldn't be fixed. Three hand specialists had already told me that, and that I needed to give up on my dreams of becoming a professional artist because I would eventually run into this injury, and it would disable me. My spirits were crushed, and I just had to deal with it. So I did, for 5+ more years (I still made art when I could, but only a few times a year. I used to do it every day.)
And then, by some miracle... I did it! I became a professional artist. The stars aligned in my life and the perfect opportunity came along. I started just last December and it's been a DREAM come true, but by mid-March my life came to a screeching halt when the pain returned. I had to request short-term medical leave because I couldn't even lift a pen.
I went to a hand specialist and a physical therapist, and neither could find anything structurally wrong with my hand, elbow, or shoulder. They diagnosed me based on on symptoms with De Quarvain's tendinitis, and Tennis Elbow, and said I would recover in 2-3 weeks.
But I knew the truth. I knew the injury wouldn't go away that quickly, and I was afraid. I was afraid the other doctors were right, and that I'd have to quit my job after my short-term leave was up because I wouldn't have healed all the way. I had zero confidence in my body's ability to fight this.
Now... I'm here. Dr. Sarno's work was recommended to me by a youtuber who dealt with tendinitis in both hands, but reading "The MindBody Perscription" cured him in just a few weeks. This seemed too good to be true, but I was well aware of the emotional aspect of my injury, and how much anger and rage I was holding onto. When I started reading the book myself, I realized how compatible my personality was with people who often suffer from TMS. I really resonated with what I read, and made my way to the wiki hoping to read more success stories and put myself on the same path.
I've already had an experience of feeling my pain "evaporate" when I engage with my emotions. It was CRAZY!!! I'm almost entirely convinced that what I'm struggling with is TMS, and I'm still reinforcing my confidence by challenging my doubts and continuing to read and educate myself. This wiki has been an invaluable resource. My biggest challenge has been grappling with my fear.
So, hi! I'm rabbits, and I'm choosing to reclaim my passion for art, drawing, crafting, and creating over the fear I have of permanently losing the ability to make art. This is a big leap for me, so if anyone wants to share words of encouragement or tips on dealing with the fear of damaging your body by engaging with your pain, I really welcome it.
------------------
What would a life without TMS mean to you?
It would mean confidence over fear. It would mean choosing to draw for fun and not suffer through it. It would mean experimenting with new things without fear of wasting my time, or overexerting my body past its limit and being forced to rest for weeks and weeks. It would mean entering contests, collaborating with friends, taking on new opportunities that excite me, and engaging in my creativity in new and exciting ways!!! It's what I've always wanted my life to be, if the pain were absent.
Some info about me: I'm 29 and a professional artist. I had an inciting incident in 2018 that resulted in severe tendonitis in the wrist, thumb, and elbow: my "thesis" art project in my final year of college. I worked on it every day for 8 months, 6-10 hours a day. I didn't stretch, or exercise, or eat well. Our class had a pretty bad relationship with the staff, and there was a lot of pressure to perform as well as the top performing art schools (they wanted one of our films to get into an awards show). The stress was terrible, I was angry, and finally... my body gave out.
The pain in my dominant hand was so severe that I couldn't sleep, and what's worse is I pushed through it in order to finish. They threatened not graduating me if I didn't finish the final project, and I didn't have the money for another semester of tuition. I was between a rock and a hard place, choosing my health and my body over the experience of graduating on time with all my friends... I fear I chose poorly.
I graduated on time in a wrist brace. The summer was spent in recovery, bored out of my mind, ONLY wanting to draw and craft. I struggled to find work. I was *so* angry, at the school, at myself, and at the world. I felt like I'd wasted all this money on a useless degree, and hurt myself while doing so.
I found work, but the pain kept returning. Sometimes it would last weeks, months, and it would only go away if I stopped obsessing over it. I exhausted my options with physical therapy, hand specialists, cortisone injections, special medication, alternative medicine, chiro, better sleep, better exercise, better diet... but no matter what I tried, the injury always came back. If I got excited about an art project and dedicated myself to it, the pain would return after only a few days. It would be as severe as it was right before I graduated school, when the injury felt the worst.
It evolved from there. Whenever I'd do a big load of dishes, or mop the floors, or wipe the counters, I'd get a similar pain in my hand. The reminder of how severe it *could* get was enough for me to stop the activity out of fear of making it worse, and robbing myself of use of my hand.
After the second year of dealing with this, COVID hit. From there, I pretty much gave up on treating the injury. I accepted that I had a permanent condition that couldn't be fixed. Three hand specialists had already told me that, and that I needed to give up on my dreams of becoming a professional artist because I would eventually run into this injury, and it would disable me. My spirits were crushed, and I just had to deal with it. So I did, for 5+ more years (I still made art when I could, but only a few times a year. I used to do it every day.)
And then, by some miracle... I did it! I became a professional artist. The stars aligned in my life and the perfect opportunity came along. I started just last December and it's been a DREAM come true, but by mid-March my life came to a screeching halt when the pain returned. I had to request short-term medical leave because I couldn't even lift a pen.
I went to a hand specialist and a physical therapist, and neither could find anything structurally wrong with my hand, elbow, or shoulder. They diagnosed me based on on symptoms with De Quarvain's tendinitis, and Tennis Elbow, and said I would recover in 2-3 weeks.
But I knew the truth. I knew the injury wouldn't go away that quickly, and I was afraid. I was afraid the other doctors were right, and that I'd have to quit my job after my short-term leave was up because I wouldn't have healed all the way. I had zero confidence in my body's ability to fight this.
Now... I'm here. Dr. Sarno's work was recommended to me by a youtuber who dealt with tendinitis in both hands, but reading "The MindBody Perscription" cured him in just a few weeks. This seemed too good to be true, but I was well aware of the emotional aspect of my injury, and how much anger and rage I was holding onto. When I started reading the book myself, I realized how compatible my personality was with people who often suffer from TMS. I really resonated with what I read, and made my way to the wiki hoping to read more success stories and put myself on the same path.
I've already had an experience of feeling my pain "evaporate" when I engage with my emotions. It was CRAZY!!! I'm almost entirely convinced that what I'm struggling with is TMS, and I'm still reinforcing my confidence by challenging my doubts and continuing to read and educate myself. This wiki has been an invaluable resource. My biggest challenge has been grappling with my fear.
So, hi! I'm rabbits, and I'm choosing to reclaim my passion for art, drawing, crafting, and creating over the fear I have of permanently losing the ability to make art. This is a big leap for me, so if anyone wants to share words of encouragement or tips on dealing with the fear of damaging your body by engaging with your pain, I really welcome it.
------------------
What would a life without TMS mean to you?
It would mean confidence over fear. It would mean choosing to draw for fun and not suffer through it. It would mean experimenting with new things without fear of wasting my time, or overexerting my body past its limit and being forced to rest for weeks and weeks. It would mean entering contests, collaborating with friends, taking on new opportunities that excite me, and engaging in my creativity in new and exciting ways!!! It's what I've always wanted my life to be, if the pain were absent.
I'll add your suggestion to my Kindle and get reading this week.
