Children with TMS (10-year old with stomach aches)

Dear everyone,

My nephew of 10 years old is suffering from TMS since a few weeks. It started when he got sick 2 times in a row while he was outside playing soccer. He did have some kind of virus both times.
Now he is very afraid he will be sick or in pain again when he goes to his soccer practice or does sports at school (I'm in The Netherlands by the way).
He gets a stomach ache all the time, and now headaches start. Everyday he is afraid he has an illness. His parents are doctors and he asks them worried questions all the time.

Their parents sometimes push him to go to his sports practice anyway and then he has a great time with his friends. He also doesn't want to go to school and play with his friends now because he has stomach aches...

He is not good at regulating his emotions and goes to therapy for that. He is very smart so he would understand some theory about brains and thoughts.
However, he is not good at FEELING; emotions as well as physical things.

Do you have tips what kind of exercises could help him?

I recovered from TMS myself, so I know many many exercises, but find it hard to translate them to a child's level.

Thanks so much!

Robin

 

There are two TMS coaches/mental health therapists who specialize in children with TMS. They were interviewed on Thought By Thought Healing which you can find here:

Nichole Sach's is also starting to begin to have discussions with her partner's daughter about how to distill this information for kids. I think there will be some info on upcoming podcasts called The Cure For Chronic Pain.

Besides getting over the fear of having physical symptoms, Dr. Sarno talks not just about feeling emotions, but accepting that we are harboring a deep anger and rage.
In general, we are taught by parents, caregivers, and society that this rage is not acceptable. That we can not express our anger - and very often that having any anger, or even anger thoughts are "bad" - especially towards loved ones, friends, authority figures, role models.
This could be a very important discussion to have with the parents. Quite often parents are completely unaware that they are sending silent messages to kids - and that the parents personality may be inadvertently be shaping the way children relate to themselves and the world.

 

I understand. I had kind, supportive parents who didn't fuel my fears but also didn't downplay them. I also had stomachaches frequently before events that I truly loved and wanted to do, like Girl Scout camping trips. I might be sick with what seemed like "flu" the days before and it was always a guessing game whether I'd be able to go, and then I did go and had a wonderful time. My first mother died when I was 5, so one might assume part of my early TMS was a reaction to that but I have memory going all the way back to age 1 and remember being terrified of doctors and illness and everything going on in my body long before she passed away. I think some of us are just wired like that. It sounds as though your nephew is very smart and that sometimes plays into the hypervigilance. I worked as an Occupational Therapist with lots of children with sensory sensitivities. I think it might be an important identifying factor in TMS. There are different "tools" that OTs and PTs can use to help children manage and cope with their illness fears.

 

(I'll write this down in English, so others might benefit from this thread too)

So coincidentally I just spoke to a Dutch mom in a similar situation. 11yo boy, very smart, belly aches for over a year now. At least a couple of episodes could be connected to him not outing his 'unreasonable' emotions.
Also, coincidentally, two weeks ago I had some kind of cold virus that was accompanied by belly ache. At least two other people I know reported the same symptoms.

Here are some pointers based on my own experience with TMS and the conversation I had with this mom (she is into the mindbody theory too):
- As usual, first rule out anything serious. I feel it might be good to let him see a doctor that is not one of his parents. He might get more convinced that way that there is nothing serious going on. Smart kids usually learn that parents sometimes aren't completely honest in their answers/reactions for reasons of protection or simply being too tired or busy. And even when something is found, TMS can amplify any sensations to an unreasonable level.
- Like Nanell stated, don't downplay his pain or concerns, but don't fuel them either.
- Explain to him how mind and body are connected. Often anger, anxiety, guilt and sadness (needing to cry) are the root causes. Belly ache and head ache are just two of the common outings of repressing such emotions. The pain is real, it is not imagined or a sign of weakness (to the contrary).
- By doing things anyway, more often than not such aches can disappear or strongly diminish. Tell him he should be proud of doing stuff anyway despite any aches, as it takes a lot of courage.
- Try to talk to him regularly about what bothers him. Use your gut to ask further questions when you feel there is more that needs to be expressed. Short answers can be a giveaway that there is more to it.
- Instead of talking, you can let him write stuff down. Explain that nobody needs to read it, so he has to destroy his writings immediately after. Explain to him that it is a way of letting go of things that cause stress in his head (and body). Anything goes, even stuff that is considered to be unreasonable or bad.
- Lots of hugs
- The mom told me she had a couple of books specifically meant for children. The first is meant for children who are highly sensitive, the other two are focussed on ways to express yourself as a child.
. - Help, ik voel zoveel ...(Carla van Wensen)
. - Doe verslag van je dag / Replay your day (Afke Teunen)
. - Slaapklets (Michal Janssen)

hope some of this stuff helps, good luck!

 

Thank you so much for all the tips! I gave a lot of info to my brother, and the therapy of my nephew regarding his emotions seems to work. He is communicating much better on how he feels. He feels angry less often and his stomach aches are almost completely gone. Hopefully this continues to be the case!

Looks like the TMS is not pushing through, so happy for him
Dankjewel for the book tips, Gigalos, I might buy those anyway for him, can be useful in his development.