Day 25 Checking in

My recovery is a slow one. I can't say that my pain is much better than when i started but that's ok. It is just going to take me longer than some to really kick this pain. The program is going well, if nothing else I'm learning a lot about myself and have discovered some things even i didn't know about me. I actually enjoy the readings and journaling each day. Its much better than spending an hour in front of the tv! The one piece of progress that i can see happening is that i am getting much better at catching myself thinking physical and not psychological. Yesterday was a bad day for pain. Really bothersome for some reason. I tried hard to think of what was bothering me but could not come up with anything significant that was upsetting or angering me. So of course this failure to identify an emotional cause of the pain led me to start thinking about the physical. I worried that i will end up screaming in the emergency room again and will wind up needing another surgery and have more permanent damage in my leg (my last episode like this has left some permanent numbness and weakness in my foot and leg).

Somehow i let the fear get the better of me. Once i got home from work, and realized what i had done, i gave myself and my subconscious a good talking to. I went to bed feeling a little better and promised i would do better not to freak out again today should the pain be just as bad or worse. Turns out, today was much better than yesterday. I guess I'm finally learning to listen to myself.

 

Hi, aziemski. I love how you're handling your pain. It sure sounds like it is TMS,
from repressed emotions or perfectionist - goodist personality, or all of those.

It may not be easy or fast to learn what is causing the pain, but the Structures Educational Program
will help you with that.

It's great that you are finding ways to chase the fear boogeyman away.
It's in positive thinking, relaxing, deep breathing, living in the moment, and laughing.

And I agree totally that TMS thinking and journaling is a wonderful adventure in learning about ourselves and others.
With that, we learn to be kinder to ourselves and others and to enjoy life more.

Keep up the great work!