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CANT FIND A REASON

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Boston Redsox, Sep 14, 2015.

  1. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    The last couple of days I have been setting small goals to do around the house like clean garage, mow lawn trim bushes , work out , things of that sort. And BAM and the worse pain flare I had in weeks I tried to dig deep to see what emotional baggage is causing this pain…I consciously I could not find anything.

    Yes I blamed it on the anger Iam having in my marriage, and maybe I am pissed off that my wife told me and the kids…( 19-17) not really kids. anyway that she need some time to clear her head ( I also believe she is suffering from tms) so she go in the car and said she be back in a month and drove to Florida.

    At first I said thx god I also needed this time alone,but as everyday passed I got angrier and angrier at her. Also she is texting me and setting rules for the kids…what balls. I let it pass seeing I was not going to get sucked in a text war with her.

    Anyway I figured it can't be that because I am aware of how much she is pissing me off consciously , or am i not digging deep enough. This is my main fuel of my anger is my current marriage and living arrangements also her lack of not getting help or talking to someone its obvious she as her doubts why she is hanging around. That also fuels me and keeps me hanging on.

    Whew thats enough for a Monday

    GO PATS.
     
  2. mike2014

    mike2014 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hey Marco, that sounds like a bleepin nightmare.

    She's really taking the p**! I can understand why you are angry, I would be the same.

    I think in a way all of the TMS work you are doing is cancelling itself out. You still feel strong resentment towards her and you both feed off each other. It seems like a vicious cycle where you need to make change however difficult it is.

    I think you need to figure a way out of it, or learn to let go / be compassionate / non judgemental.

    I know it's not easy, but it seems you are suffering more than she is.
     
    Mala likes this.
  3. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Yes Mike you are correct

    I am trying to let it go and I am trying to also be compassionate and non judgmental , but my inner child is beating the shit out of me on this one..
     
    angelic333 likes this.
  4. Orion2012

    Orion2012 Well known member

    I remember "fake it till you make it" being good advice for surviving both divorce and TMS. Act as if you are fine and eventually you will be.

    When I got divorced a decade ago, it felt like the end of the world. But as soon as I let it go (let go of the idea of 'things working out') all the angst and worry melted away, and my whole life improved dramatically.

    Like TMS, stop fighting it and it will hurt less. Forgive her and forgive yourself to create space for something better in your life.
     
    breakfree, angelic333 and mike2014 like this.
  5. mike2014

    mike2014 Beloved Grand Eagle

    A great post, very wise words.
     
  6. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Excellent post Orion

    I am going threw this know and I am trying to let go she still as her claws in me mentally Iam not trying to put to much pressure on me it will be a process
     
  7. Mala

    Mala Well known member

    Excellent post by Mike2014.

    Maybe like yr wife u need to take some 'down' time for yrself. Its very clear that the arrangements u have at the moment are just not conducive to any kind of healing whatsoever. Just because u r aware of her pissing u off doesn't mean a thing until u can deal with it effectively & not let it get to you which must be extremely difficult considering yr living arrangements.

    And maybe u r making it worse by attempting to do chores around the house when u feel like she isn't pulling her weight & is off somewhere else? I don't know. Just some thoughts.

    Wishing u all the best.

    Mala
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2015

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