Day 4 Can someone answer this for me?

[JulieB]

It's interesting that this day in the program talks about depression. I would say I have recently gotten the "blues" from the pain and since I have started opening up to experiencing old and painful memories. Has anyone experienced getting some depression as a result of delving into their painful memories?

Another question - I was doing some visualization two nights ago about a time when I was painfree on a trip in 2001, but then the anger and pain of 9/11 came up (we were hiking in the backcountry of Alaska at the time and didn't find out about the attack until 9/13) and I just started crying and got very angry at the terrorists, so sad for all who lost their lives and loved ones, scared, etc. Is this "normal" in that this memory just popped up unexpectedly and created feelings I don't think I fully experienced at the time? I am thinking that this is kind of the crux of this entire program, but just wanted to ask someone else.

Ok, for this day's question. When I first went to the doctor in 2011, he told me "You are a stressed out mom, go home, breathe and do yoga." The anger I felt at him was immense, but looking back, he was right in that it was stress, but his bedside manner stunk and what was I supposed to do with that? I didn't feel heard and felt marginalized. Thus began my journey of doctors saying "everything in your labs look fine. We can't find anything."

 

[Lavender]

Hello JulieB,
As to the moment you recalled about hearing the delayed news of the 9/11 attacks-
Tonight’s news featured a story about the opening of the museum dedicated to those who lost their lives in on that terrible day of 9/11. It reminded one of a holocaust museum and they even have several exit doors throughout in case visitors can’t bear it.
As I watched and listened to the families of the lost, I felt as though I was transported back in time to that day when it all took place. I then realized that my physical sensations were manifesting in the exact same manner as they had on that awful day and for some time later. Yet, so much time has passed. My brain and body were on replay, “triggered” by the report.
I don’t know if the depression you experienced when those memories resurfaced was as a result of delving into painful thoughts, but that particular event most certainly made an imprint on all of us. Everyone remembers where they were and how they felt when they heard the news.

I am sorry to hear of your experience with that physician. There are so many good and caring doctors but also a fair share these days of the callous. Perhaps the medical schools should teach a little diplomacy. I too have done the rounds and know that feeling of devastation when it becomes quite clear that they don’t want your case. As you follow through with the program, you will learn that the best thing to do with your encounter with the doctor is to make a decision to forgive and “let it go.” I can assure you that he has forgotten the exchange but it is still toxic to your emotions. Doing so doesn’t condone his attitude by any means, but rather is freeing to you. It’s easier when you look at it from that perspective and it works!
One of the books in my TMS collection is “When they don’t know what’s wrong.” by Dr. David Clarke. It contains some examples that some of us can identify with.
All the best to you in your walk ahead,
Lavender

 

[Ellen]

Hi JulieB,

I definitely experienced depression when I began journaling about my past, current stressors, and personality traits. I have found that underneath a lifetime of repressed emotions is a very emotional person. I had to learn how to allow those feelings and accept them--a lesson I am still very much working on. I feel myself "welling up" frequently throughout my day and I am over a year into my TMS therapy work. And, yes, the recent coverage about 9/11 due to the opening of the memorial has caused emotion about that day to come up. Actually watching the news most days has the same effect.

But the more I allow and accept my emotions, the less I fear them. When allowed and accepted, emotions pass through one fairly quickly. It's when we resist them they get "stuck" and can lead to pain or numbing. This has been one of the most important lessons I've learned since working on my TMS. Acceptance is key, whether physical or emotional pain is involved. Allowing all of life to just happen without judgement--"this too" is a mantra I've learned from Eckhart Tolle. But it is hard to break those old habits of resistance and judgment, yet that is the essential work of healing from TMS.

Welcome to the Forum! Keep asking questions and keep us updated on your progress.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

I've cut way back on watching tv news. Most of time, just to check on the weather, but
often other news comes on before that. I am a former Chicago Tribune reporter, covered a lot of
crime and violence, and have had a lifetime fill of bad news. I never watch new movies that are
violent and sick. I'm not tuning out the world, just taking less of the bad news. We can't do
anything about all that anyway.

 

[Peggy]

Hi JulieB:

Feeling sad during some part of my day seems to be a normal occurrence for me. Before becoming spiritually aware I really don't remember processing my feeling to any degree, so I wasn't feeling things. Now, in a day I feel many things and sad/depressed is one of them. I don't view it to be a bad thing, I wouldn't be me without this range of feelings.

This week I have been reading "The Highly Sensitive Person in Love" by Elaine Aron and she stated that: "to reduce splitting, try thinking about the negatives and the positives at the same time." Now, she was talking about relationships, but when I read it I was thinking about my swings in emotions. To avoid a deep swing into depression, think about positive things at the same time. If there is a catastrophe, there is sadness in the loss but also there is a coming together of people that are helping each other out, which could induce a warm feeling in the heart. Anyway, it made sense to me. Maybe it's a step to finding this ever so elusive thing called balance.

 

[JulieB]

Thank you, Lavender, Ellen, Walt and Peggy for your encouragement and validation. I am on Day 8 today and I journaled a letter to my mother. I love my mother dearly but due to her relationship with her father, she used anger to control me and my siblings. I procrastinated writing a letter to her until I had a weird dream about her 2 nights ago trying to control me again and thought to myself that it was time to address my repressed anger toward her for trying to always control my behavior so as to not make her look bad in our small town. It is hard to acknowledge the rage when it is someone you love so much. I am finding this TMS work is so much harder than probably anything else I have ever done. It is much easier to think "physically" than psychologically, however, I have been listening to Healing Back Pain on CD and reading Mindbody Prescription (I think that's the name) and have noticed lessening or elimination of pain at times when listening or when I am actually living "in the moment" as well as more pain coming on in different places and a lessening of my back pain. I keep reminding myself that this is a good thing and am really trying to live in the moment. I think I've realized how much I don't live in the moment! Thank you again for taking time to write to me on the forum. Blessings!