Day 1 Can I make this happen?

[BugleBox]

Hello Ladies & Gentlemen,

I found the TMS/John Sarno/Healing Back Pain information 10-15 years ago. I've read a few of John Sarno's books many moons ago. I have full acceptance that I am someone who suffers from TMS. And when I was studying TMS I was able to get to some of the issues plaguing me, but I feel like I am both a hard case when it comes to sorting these things out myself. I read the books, but the info alone wasn't enough to make a shift. I had to do a lot of personal prodding to get to the pain. And at that, it was a very slow involved process.

I don't doubt the effectiveness of this work, but I do worry that I am such a sensitive person with the perfect personality (people pleaser, perfectionist, etc) to make combatting these issues very difficult.

Having said all this, I don't use this as a crutch or excuse. I want to get to the bottom of more of these issues that still plague me, and have been ramping up in my life. I feel when I dig down into the well of emotions I can bring a nearly endless amount of suffering and pain to the surface, and I'm scared that continuing this work will lead me on an endless trip of emotional pain... but having said that.. here I am.

I'm beginning again from the start to be fair to myself. Day 1 of the Structured Educational Program.

I'm thankful for this wonderful forum.. which I don't think existed when I did this the first time?

Thanks,

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hello BugleBox

I love reading your commitment to yourself and your process. I hope you can find more about the "you" that is calling from deep inside, as you do this program. And it is great to post your progress and get some responses!

I think all of us have a certain dread of doing inner work. I know I do. I don't know your background or exactly what experiences you've had or the specific "scary stories" you tell yourself about going inward. But I want to address this:

I feel when I dig down into the well of emotions I can bring a nearly endless amount of suffering and pain to the surface, and I'm scared that continuing this work will lead me on an endless trip of emotional pain...

Reading this, I want to say to you that ---from the parts of us which don't want to feel and explore as much, we're always afraid of what this kind of "learning" will bring. I've learned that as children strong emotional states were overwhelming. We couldn't energetically hold the potency of these experiences. This is actually how the ego is formed: the personality develops, as you know, "defenses," or "layers" which protect us from such sensitive, vulnerable feeling.

But as adults most of us have a much greater capacity to explore ==and at the same time, when we enter these realms, those deep feelings that it will all be too much come echoing back from our childhood.

It is helpful for me to know this, to know that the 'doorway' to the depths of feeling has a familiar scary overwhelm flavor. In time I get more used to it. It slows me down a little less. And the fruit of the journey has become more palpable. I have a greater appreciation of the riches inside.

In emotional exploration, in my experience, we're not usually given more than we can handle, but it might feel that way!

I hope you find my words encouraging.

Andy

 

[Satori]

So proud of you! You did the hardest part which was to start! This forum has been such a source of strength for me and it will be for your too! You got this! Congrats on Day 1!