Birdie
Peer Supporter
Hi!
I
'm sorry, I am sure this question already has been asked before so it's also ok to send me the link.
What I am interested in is: can feelings of anger really be unconsious to 100% so that one does not even feel the smallest piece of anger?
I try to brake down the facts in a nutshell:
- my father always raged against me when I was ill or did not feel well. He wasn't able to deal with others people helplessness. He then got much more ill than I was so that my mother had to take care for him and not for me
- the most positive thing I can remember is that my father gave me a parrot when I was 6 years old. I loved this bird, he was hand-tame and could talk some words I teached him. Once a day my father came into my room and talked to the bird and played with him. It was a good moment because he did not rage against me as he usually does. But I also cried and asked my mom why my father played with the bird and not with me. He tended to either ignore me or to rage against me.
This week I told my therapist about that and he said "oh you must have been very angry at your bird." My answer was quick like a shot: "of course not, I loved my bird and never was angry at him!".
Ok, the fact is: since I nearly lost my parrot last year (not the parrot of my childhood, an other one) because he was ill and nobody knew why I have a very stiff & painfull elbow and shoulder. When I drove home after therapy I thought: "oh my god, probably it's unconscious rage against my parrot why I am in pain". On a conscious level I really love my birds, they're like children for me. And how could I be angry at such a l lovely, helpless and sick parrot? And at the other hand I know that my parrot became all the attention and love from my father I wished for and that being ill was always a very critical and dangerous thing.
It was not the first time my parrots got seriously ill. But at this time I was very vulnarable and suffering from a very bad psycho-drug withdrawal. And I also had to make a very difficult decicion, resisting the advice of the veterinarian what could have killed my bird (fortunately still very alive, even without heart-medication what would have meant I had to give the medication on a daily basis at the same time. But I listened to my gut feeling).
So there must be completely unconscious rage & fear of making the wrong decicion that caused me pain (ans is still causing me).
Does this make sense or are these bad side-effects of too much psychoalaysis blaming rage against a pet for my pain
?
I
'm sorry, I am sure this question already has been asked before so it's also ok to send me the link.
What I am interested in is: can feelings of anger really be unconsious to 100% so that one does not even feel the smallest piece of anger?
I try to brake down the facts in a nutshell:
- my father always raged against me when I was ill or did not feel well. He wasn't able to deal with others people helplessness. He then got much more ill than I was so that my mother had to take care for him and not for me
- the most positive thing I can remember is that my father gave me a parrot when I was 6 years old. I loved this bird, he was hand-tame and could talk some words I teached him. Once a day my father came into my room and talked to the bird and played with him. It was a good moment because he did not rage against me as he usually does. But I also cried and asked my mom why my father played with the bird and not with me. He tended to either ignore me or to rage against me.
This week I told my therapist about that and he said "oh you must have been very angry at your bird." My answer was quick like a shot: "of course not, I loved my bird and never was angry at him!".
Ok, the fact is: since I nearly lost my parrot last year (not the parrot of my childhood, an other one) because he was ill and nobody knew why I have a very stiff & painfull elbow and shoulder. When I drove home after therapy I thought: "oh my god, probably it's unconscious rage against my parrot why I am in pain". On a conscious level I really love my birds, they're like children for me. And how could I be angry at such a l lovely, helpless and sick parrot? And at the other hand I know that my parrot became all the attention and love from my father I wished for and that being ill was always a very critical and dangerous thing.
It was not the first time my parrots got seriously ill. But at this time I was very vulnarable and suffering from a very bad psycho-drug withdrawal. And I also had to make a very difficult decicion, resisting the advice of the veterinarian what could have killed my bird (fortunately still very alive, even without heart-medication what would have meant I had to give the medication on a daily basis at the same time. But I listened to my gut feeling).
So there must be completely unconscious rage & fear of making the wrong decicion that caused me pain (ans is still causing me).
Does this make sense or are these bad side-effects of too much psychoalaysis blaming rage against a pet for my pain
?