I am doing much better since first finding TMS wiki Nov 24 and starting the reading and journaling journey. I have read Sarno and SteveO. I have been re reading them slowly this time and underlining what I want. I am a visual type and I find it registers better and underlining forces me to slow down. I am sure many of you like me want to read fast thinking that by the end of the book THE SECRET will be revealed and voila! I have been of work since NOV 1 and am starting back this week we will see. I am now getting more calm about the pain and frankly now don't even care. I still have slight constant symptoms ( upper butt, sciatica) but compared to when it started I am at a 3 on 10.( I could barely walk in the beginning my upper buttocks was so tight)The only thing I REALLY want to do is jog. I have been on my bike and I can walk really fast on the treadmill. If I start jogging my left hamstring goes wild. I have been corresponding Monte Huefle and assures me that from what I tell him its definitely TMS. I through out some reports I had about my back from the past and I guess there still some doubt. I started jogging in place, stationary and I'll work from there. My symptoms started this summer during a heavy emotional period of events and I would walk and jog. I did the 30 day program and it help alot. I don't feel the need to journal as much but still do occasionnaly. I like mindfull meditation and staying in the moment. Now I just acknowledge the pain or tightness. Sometimes in my shoulders, back ,neck but don't sweat it. Just relax. I practice thinking clean and for me its just being passive and in the moment. When I feel an emotion or pain I let it be and think like a guard and say you can pass move along. This way I am thinking open and neutral instead of repressing, fight flight or freeze. Lucinda Bassett has a great book and audio for anxiety. I used years ago for anxiety. I always remembered this one quote which always got me through the panic moments. '' Its not worth dying for '' Scott Peck's book help me with depression. He said depression is a sign of health. Like a fever telling you have infection . Depression is telling you are not living your life. It's hard to believe at the time like TMS is now but I have gone through many emotional phases in the last 8 weeks the I am now greatful to FEEL my true self . All day long without effort I think '' what am I feeling now'' if nothings there then Ok I move along.