Good morning,
first of all the questions to ponder at day 8:
Are you having success at recognizing the emotions connected to your pain?
It is difficult to say. I started recognizing a lot of hidden and also unwnated emotions. Most of them have to do something with my childhood and my relation to my parents (esp. my father but also my mother). But to be honest I cannot say if these emotions have a connection to my pain resp. my physical problems. It is more the weakness, not the pain, that scares me. Emotions concerning my parents and grandmother are really the strongest – I think they affect every relation I tried to build up in my life.
If you have, how do these emotions make you feel?
They make me sad – I do not want to see the reality. I do not want to be angry at my parents. I don´t want to feel rage against them because I know in my conscious, that they always did, what they considered as the best for me. I recognize more and more, that I was living in dream theatre where I really forced myself to see every detail of the relationship to my parents in a positive way.
If not, what do you think is preventing you from doing this?
I think I´m afraid that I may discover things and emotions that I don´t like and that don´t comply to the way I would like to see myself. That I discover emotions, that change the relation to my parents and the way I´m looking at them. The relation to my parents is really a very difficult topic for me.
Coming now to that, what I wanted to call "My Breakthrough" yesterday in the evening - in the meantime I´m back in reality of TMS.
During the day at work I felt weakness in my right leg and was really scared during the day. That weakness was present the last days - especially during the weekend. Thinking again and again about diseases like MS, Lyme, ALS – all the really hard things.
Nevertheless I decided to go to my self-defense training and trained really hard during 75 Minutes. I even managed to be faster than our instructor – which is really rare and where I´m more or the the only one who is able to achieve that. But I always felt like not being in control of my right leg. Driving home I forced myself to think psychologically and not to care about the weakness. At home during the shower I suddenly felt a strange sensation – my leg was strong as never before in the last three years. No more problems with balance or power. It just felt the same like the left leg. I was more or less shocked! No pain, no blocking hip, no spasms – just nothing and a sort of deep inner peace and relaxation. The feeling lasted the whole evening and also the whole night. My wife told me, that my lower back and also the thigh would feel like totally relaxed. So it was not just my feeling, it was real.
Unfortunately today my leg feels like weaker than ever before and the arm is also weak again…that makes me sad and also doubt last evening´s experience – where I suddenly felt 100% convinced about TMS and the theory of blood flow restriction.
But I recognize now a really high tension in my thigh and my right shoulder. Almost every movement I do I do unconsciously with full force, not really cool. Even when I´m sitting and just writing, my muscles are in high tension. And my leg muscles just feel like being out of concrete.
I would appreciate getting some feedback to that post. I really need support in not loosing my way during negative periods.
Christian
first of all the questions to ponder at day 8:
Are you having success at recognizing the emotions connected to your pain?
It is difficult to say. I started recognizing a lot of hidden and also unwnated emotions. Most of them have to do something with my childhood and my relation to my parents (esp. my father but also my mother). But to be honest I cannot say if these emotions have a connection to my pain resp. my physical problems. It is more the weakness, not the pain, that scares me. Emotions concerning my parents and grandmother are really the strongest – I think they affect every relation I tried to build up in my life.
If you have, how do these emotions make you feel?
They make me sad – I do not want to see the reality. I do not want to be angry at my parents. I don´t want to feel rage against them because I know in my conscious, that they always did, what they considered as the best for me. I recognize more and more, that I was living in dream theatre where I really forced myself to see every detail of the relationship to my parents in a positive way.
If not, what do you think is preventing you from doing this?
I think I´m afraid that I may discover things and emotions that I don´t like and that don´t comply to the way I would like to see myself. That I discover emotions, that change the relation to my parents and the way I´m looking at them. The relation to my parents is really a very difficult topic for me.
Coming now to that, what I wanted to call "My Breakthrough" yesterday in the evening - in the meantime I´m back in reality of TMS.
During the day at work I felt weakness in my right leg and was really scared during the day. That weakness was present the last days - especially during the weekend. Thinking again and again about diseases like MS, Lyme, ALS – all the really hard things.
Nevertheless I decided to go to my self-defense training and trained really hard during 75 Minutes. I even managed to be faster than our instructor – which is really rare and where I´m more or the the only one who is able to achieve that. But I always felt like not being in control of my right leg. Driving home I forced myself to think psychologically and not to care about the weakness. At home during the shower I suddenly felt a strange sensation – my leg was strong as never before in the last three years. No more problems with balance or power. It just felt the same like the left leg. I was more or less shocked! No pain, no blocking hip, no spasms – just nothing and a sort of deep inner peace and relaxation. The feeling lasted the whole evening and also the whole night. My wife told me, that my lower back and also the thigh would feel like totally relaxed. So it was not just my feeling, it was real.
Unfortunately today my leg feels like weaker than ever before and the arm is also weak again…that makes me sad and also doubt last evening´s experience – where I suddenly felt 100% convinced about TMS and the theory of blood flow restriction.
But I recognize now a really high tension in my thigh and my right shoulder. Almost every movement I do I do unconsciously with full force, not really cool. Even when I´m sitting and just writing, my muscles are in high tension. And my leg muscles just feel like being out of concrete.
I would appreciate getting some feedback to that post. I really need support in not loosing my way during negative periods.
Christian
