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Day 8 Breakthrough - almost...

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Rubineo, Jun 16, 2015.

  1. Rubineo

    Rubineo New Member

    Good morning,

    first of all the questions to ponder at day 8:

    Are you having success at recognizing the emotions connected to your pain?

    It is difficult to say. I started recognizing a lot of hidden and also unwnated emotions. Most of them have to do something with my childhood and my relation to my parents (esp. my father but also my mother). But to be honest I cannot say if these emotions have a connection to my pain resp. my physical problems. It is more the weakness, not the pain, that scares me. Emotions concerning my parents and grandmother are really the strongest – I think they affect every relation I tried to build up in my life.

    If you have, how do these emotions make you feel?

    They make me sad – I do not want to see the reality. I do not want to be angry at my parents. I don´t want to feel rage against them because I know in my conscious, that they always did, what they considered as the best for me. I recognize more and more, that I was living in dream theatre where I really forced myself to see every detail of the relationship to my parents in a positive way.

    If not, what do you think is preventing you from doing this?

    I think I´m afraid that I may discover things and emotions that I don´t like and that don´t comply to the way I would like to see myself. That I discover emotions, that change the relation to my parents and the way I´m looking at them. The relation to my parents is really a very difficult topic for me.

    Coming now to that, what I wanted to call "My Breakthrough" yesterday in the evening - in the meantime I´m back in reality of TMS.

    During the day at work I felt weakness in my right leg and was really scared during the day. That weakness was present the last days - especially during the weekend. Thinking again and again about diseases like MS, Lyme, ALS – all the really hard things.

    Nevertheless I decided to go to my self-defense training and trained really hard during 75 Minutes. I even managed to be faster than our instructor – which is really rare and where I´m more or the the only one who is able to achieve that. But I always felt like not being in control of my right leg. Driving home I forced myself to think psychologically and not to care about the weakness. At home during the shower I suddenly felt a strange sensation – my leg was strong as never before in the last three years. No more problems with balance or power. It just felt the same like the left leg. I was more or less shocked! No pain, no blocking hip, no spasms – just nothing and a sort of deep inner peace and relaxation. The feeling lasted the whole evening and also the whole night. My wife told me, that my lower back and also the thigh would feel like totally relaxed. So it was not just my feeling, it was real.

    Unfortunately today my leg feels like weaker than ever before and the arm is also weak again…that makes me sad and also doubt last evening´s experience – where I suddenly felt 100% convinced about TMS and the theory of blood flow restriction.

    But I recognize now a really high tension in my thigh and my right shoulder. Almost every movement I do I do unconsciously with full force, not really cool. Even when I´m sitting and just writing, my muscles are in high tension. And my leg muscles just feel like being out of concrete.

    I would appreciate getting some feedback to that post. I really need support in not loosing my way during negative periods.

  2. Lizzy

    Lizzy Well known member

    Hi Christian,
    I want to encourage you to read over the part of your post that tells about your leg feeling good and strong. In fact, I suggest you print a few copies and put them around to read and think about. Your leg is fine. Your brain has shown you the truth, and yet it wants you to believe the lie. This is such a good thing, focus on phycological and the leg feeling strong and just like the other one!

    Good luck!
  3. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Chrstian. Your breakthrough was real. Do not doubt it. It was a wonderful feeling, right? You did the strenuous exercise and felt no pain.

    You apparently still have unresolved emotional issues regarding your parents and grandmother. Your subconscious wants you to be more specific about those issues. You don't have to solve them. Dr. Sarno writes in his books that we just have to discover what the repressed emotions are.

    I found that journaling in the SEP helped me to better understand my parents and older brother. My parents divorced when I was seven and that left me with feelings of insecurity. In journaling I realized they had their own TMS pains from their childhood and adult years and that helped me to forgive them. My older brother used to beat up on me and in journaling I realized he resented looking after me and our sister while our parents both worked. He wanted to be out with his pals. That helped me to understand him better. In both cases, I was able to forgive, and forgiveness can be a very big help in healing.
    Lizzy likes this.
  4. Rubineo

    Rubineo New Member

    Hi Lizzy,
    Hi Walt,

    thanks for your replies. I constantly try to focus on my strength and my health...so far so good. But I have the impression, that my mind wants to fool me. There are now periods during the day where I feel almost 100% cured and really healthy - and on the other side periods where everything seems to worsen dramatically. For example yesterday during the training suddenly I felt my LEFT leg getting weak, tingling and numb. (Remember: Up to now it was the RIGHT leg).

    It´s a strange stuff, that TMS...

  5. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Christian. Yes, TMS can be strange and fool us. But since you feel almost 100 percent pain-free some days, that means you are close to healing totally. You may get a new pain in another part of the body because you just need to keep remembering it's TMS and not structural.

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