Breaking the cycle of the work week?

[cafe_bustelo]

I've now seen a pretty consistent pattern enough times to catch on to what's happening, and it's maybe laughably obvious, but I still don't know what to do about it yet.

I seem to have my best days right at the end of the work week—symptoms are mild, anxiety is much less. My first day off usually feels pretty good, sometimes amazing.

Then over the next day or two as I prepare to go back into my work week, anxiety starts to creep in again—not specifically about work, but I think part of it is just the underlying dread of the coming week. Nothing bad happens at work, but my job is sometimes stressful and I have to wake up really early, which I absolutely hate.

I know this is EXTREMELY well documented as classic TMS behavior, I think I've read some mention of this kind of pattern in pretty much every book I've read so far.

But I don't know how to break this habit of stress -> work week / stress burns off - > temporary relief - > stress returns. I feel like I'm in an unhealthy relationship with either my job or my anxiety or both, but don't know what to do about it.

Of course I could leave my job but there are a lot of good things about it and I think putting myself through being unemployed would be even more brutal given my current level of symptom response to any major life stressors. I also don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater so to speak if I can instead change my habits/mindset around work. I did notice this week that I had a particularly bad flare (which is why I'm posting now, ha) after a couple days where for a variety of reasons I couldn't get myself out of a spiral of being angry with myself and giving myself tons of negative self-talk for basically no reason.

I'd appreciate anyone's input or experiences—I'm just getting tired of these brutal ups and downs!

 

[Cactusflower]

All of what you have written is why we journal.
Write it out, feel the weight of it. Notice the divide of subconscious rage at things like having (being forced against your will: internal raging 2 year old) vs rational adult who knows it’s simply a basic job requirement. Blow off a little of the steam that builds up to become stressful. Tear it up and toss it.
Then do something kind for yourself.
Silly junk, small resentments, what seems like irrational hurts build up over time..or days. Let them go.

 

[cafe_bustelo]

Thanks so much. It is very much the internal raging two year old at play.

I have such incredible resistance to journaling that I need to get over. But it does seem to have a strong connection to symptoms because every time I actually sit down and force myself to confront something in writing my symptoms get so much worse while I’m writing; by the end I usually feel I need to stop this instant because I can’t take it anymore. Maybe the second part of what you wrote is what I’m missing—linking journaling with something nice I can do for myself. That feels alien to me which is all the more reason to do it.

 

[Ellen]

Of course I could leave my job but there are a lot of good things about it and I think putting myself through being unemployed would be even more brutal given my current level of symptom response to any major life stressors.

This is insightful. As someone who has been retired for a few years, I found that anxiety is primary and will attach to anything in one's life. My anxiety did not go away once my work stress was gone. If one is an anxious person, there is always something to be anxious about. Employing techniques like journaling and meditation will help treat the primary issue of anxiety. Dr. Clare Weekes has many ways to address anxiety and you may find it helpful to read her book Hope and Help for Your Nerves. I think you can find the audio of this book on this site if you search.