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Book recommendations of another kind...

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by LindaLeyner, Jan 28, 2015.

  1. LindaLeyner

    LindaLeyner New Member

    Hello!

    I wanted to ask about book recommendations that are pertinent to TMS and the psychological foundation of pain but are not written by TMS doctors and therapists such as Shubiner, Sopher and the like.

    What do you think about swiss psychologist Alice Miller's book "The Drama of The Gifted Child? Have you read it? If so, would you recommend it?
    I just read a short synopsis which sparked my curiosity, so I searched Wikipedia. here's a quote of Miller's:

    [Bold is mine]

    "Quite often I have been faced with patients who have been praised and admired for their talents and their achievements. According to prevailing, general attitudes these people--the pride of their parents--should have had a strong stable sense of self-assurance. [This struck a chord, right there. We TMS people are often those successful, hard-working people that people seem to admire and think we have the perfect ingredients within us to form a perfect life. Yet, we live pain.] But exactly the opposite is the case... In my work with these people, I found that every one of them has a childhood history that seems significant to me:

    • There was a mother who at the core was emotionally insecure, and who depended for her narcissistic equilibrium on the child behaving, or acting, in a particular way. This mother was able to hide her insecurity from the child and from everyone else behind a hard, authoritarian and even totalitarian facade. [This is her theory. My experience is that people with TMS often have parental issues. I know for sure I have, and I am jsut beginning to uncover them]
    • This child had an amazing ability to perceive and respond intuitively, that is, unconsciously, to this need of the mother or of both parents, for him to take on the role that had unconsciously been assigned to him. [Sounds very familiar to something I read in Dr. Schubiner's blog post about fear. We grow up in an environment of danger, of one kind or anoter - be it because we only got accepted if we achieved something, or we had to witness emotional/physical violence and so on, so that we are more perceptive of imminent danger, always feeling it's upon us any minute now. Constant alertness, constant tension]
    • This role secured "love" for the child—that is, his parents' exploitation. He could sense that he was needed, and this need, guaranteed him a measure of existential security. [For me, as a perfectionist, this speaks true. My father really never acknowledged me until I got into high school. Then, he saw me as someone he could talk to, eye to eye, about some topics. Suddenly, it was worth it to "waste" time away with me. It's no coincidence that I began to thrive in high school, graduating top of my class to go on to med school, I see that now... It was the only way to be acknowledged by him]
    This ability is then extended and perfected. Later, these children not only become mothers (confidantes, advisers, supporters) of their own mothers, but also take over the responsibility for their siblings and eventually develop a special sensitivity to unconscious signals manifesting the needs of others. [Many of us are also People-Pleaser. Striving for perfection, for being THE reliable person in people's lives. We shoulder some of their pain. ]" [Wikipedia Page - Alice Miller]

    What do you think? Is it a book worth buying?
    What other books out there are to be recommended? I want to explore this particular aspect of human psychology and maybe you can help me!
     
  2. Barb M.

    Barb M. Peer Supporter

    I read this book back in graduate school and it was a classic then. It might have even been a book for a psychology class. I remember I loved it, but alas, my memory doesn't go much further than that. I don't think you could go wrong with buying it.
     
  3. Dahlia

    Dahlia Well known member

    Hi Linda. I am not familiar with this book or the author but your highlights from the book are fascinating. I am going to get my hands on it myself and read it. Intriguing. Thanks for taking the time do this write-up.
     
  4. Dahlia

    Dahlia Well known member

    Also, I have to say that Alice Miller has described my story....
     
  5. Dahlia

    Dahlia Well known member

    Linda:
    I found a recording of an updated version of The Drama of the Gifted Child on you tube:
     
    LindaLeyner likes this.
  6. LindaLeyner

    LindaLeyner New Member

    Thank you so much.
    Maybe, I will listen to that before bed and try to think where there might be links to my own experiences (a.k.a. journalling).
     
    Dahlia likes this.

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