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Blepharitis/MGD/eye pain- it might be TMS?

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by indecisiveman, Jan 30, 2023.

  1. indecisiveman

    indecisiveman New Member

    I will hopefully keep this short, lol. I've dealt with TMS / psychosomatic symptoms my whole life probably due to a turbulent childhood and existence in general but it got REALLY bad these past couple years when I thought I had an STD- last year I experienced symptoms of CPPS, which I have somewhat under control.

    But last year in September my left eyelid became swollen, first the bottom, then the top. Then it progressed to me having itching and burning pain on eyelids, greasy eyelids, and dry eyes and my tear ducts looked like a complete desert. From that Sept till now i've been trying many things like ophtamalogic antiobiotics (ointment, then a drop i use right now), artificial tears, fish oil, all sorts of stuff. When I went to the ophtamologist in last Nov i was diagnosed with Blepharitis and told to do all the things I just mentioned, including hot compresses at night.

    It's been a rough road and at this point, my left eyelids is still the one majorly affected but my right eyelids are also a bit swollen. Basically every one of my eyelids is a little swollen, but not to the point anyone can really notice. I do feel some weight however, especially on my left upper eyelid where a chalazion appeared and, while greatly diminished, is still here right now.

    I've begun to start entertaining this as a possible psychosomatic reaction, though. I noticed when I was taking a shower last night, I thought "What if this is all under my control?" And then I felt a twitching of my left upper eyelid margin, which is a swolllen (I will say, it's more like the margins themselves are swollen and not the whole lids, hence it being not very noticrable) area that usually feels very heavy and achy.

    So, this made me thing that perhaps my mind and my eyelid functioning are connected somehow? Today all day i've been doing my usual thing, only this time deciding to acknoledge that my eyelid feels really heavy, but that its not an issue and to be kind to it, and relax. Despite only having like 4 hours of sleep, most of the swelling has dissipated at this point! Not entirely, but I'm wondering if there's a real genuine connection here. I notice the weight and pain will sometimes move from left eyelid to right eyelid, and I've read TMS involves movement of pain as well. I've also been incredibly anxious, having little periods of shaking and having to use the bathroom frantically.

    It would make sense, considering I fixated on the CPPS issues for about a year and a half and hit the mute button on my life and goals. Then, as soon as I forgot about it in september, BAM eyelid swelling. It would also make sense since the swelling started on my lower left eyelid, then moved to the top later on and the chalazion appeared once I started using amoxicillin. So it has had an odd progression! I've fixated on this issue every second of every day because i love my eyes, I'm a filmmaker and my left eye is my favorite eye so it's been very emotionally rough on me.

    I notice though overall if I feel any eye pain come on, and decide willingly to not be afraid of it or engage with it, it'll dissipate quickly. I'm feeling huge improvements just today compared to several months, and to be honest that feels very strange. I'm hesitant to accept this diagnosis that my emotions really COULD be the linking factor to everything. I'd love to hear any advice, perspectives, etc. It's just felt like such an INFECTIOUS episode with my eyelids that it being TMS is hard to really accept, I suppose? But I'm open to it, it would certainly explain while all the things I've been doing against it don't really do much. I'll keep cleaning my eyelids and doing warm compress on them, but otherwise I wonder if this is TMS and where to go from here. Really appreciate any advice!!
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2023
  2. hecate105

    hecate105 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Another angle is to look at what we use the eyes for? Is there something in life you dont want to see - or that hurts you to see, something you want to unsee? Left can be our future/imagined/wished for things and right the physical 'now'. Maybe there is something in that that triggers you? It might be worth looking at Louise Hay's list of ailments and their psychological/emotional causes - with affirmations - I always find it useful!
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  3. Nana91

    Nana91 Newcomer

    Hi. How are your eyes now please? Hope for an answer. Thank you very much

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