I think the biggest hurtle at this point in my recovery is I don't remember. I never have. I remember a couple negative experiences with friends as a teen, but only in a general sense. I don't remember the specifics of the situations and I certainly don't remember how I felt about them. I don't remember any interactions, good or bad, with my parents. I don't remember how they talked to me, if they were compassionate or overbearing. I just don't remember. It makes it hard to journal. I do it anyway in hopes something will break free, but mostly I feel like the feelings I put down are kind of made up because I don't really remember feeling them. And aside from memories, I don't know about my present either. I don't know if I'm a perfectionist. I don't know if I'm overly self critical. When I read about people 'seeing themselves' all over Sarno's books I just can't relate. I guess the point is I don't see myself at all. I haven't been paying attention for 33 years. But I'm awake now, and I'm going to try.