Between repressing and being obsessed

[KathyBee]

I am having a hard time finding a happy place between repressing something and being obsessed.
Someone I know has gotten himself into a situation. I am pretty stressed over it. I am concerned for what will happen to him. I want to help him, but there is not anything I can do for him right now. I also want to smack him a couple of times for doing something stupid that could mess up his life. I am concerned about his mental health. He has a business partnership with a member of my family and we could be affected negatively financially depending on how this goes down.
To top it off this has been an incredibly busy and stressful week at work.
How dare he do this during a time I am already stressed out.
I am pretty sure I am feeling all my feelings now, but my TMS symptoms have brought their old friends to visit and invited some new ones.
I do not want to obsess over this, but if I try not to think about it, does that make it worse? Is that repression or something different? I am not sure how long it will take this situation to resolve itself. Or how long it will take to pick up the pieces afterward. I do not want to feel like this for an extended period of time.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

KathyBee, I'm not a psychologist but if I was in your shoes I would try not to obsess about the situation. Especially since it appears
that you have no control over its resolution. Stressing or obsessing about it may have nothing to do with any repressed emotions.
Worrying about the outcome of the situation can only bring pain.

Also, do not "catastrophize" about the situation. You sound like it is a potential disaster, but maybe it won't be.
The Lord says not to worry about tomorrow's troubles. Today's are enough unto themselves.

When I find myself stressed about something I can't do anything about, I pretend I'm playing basketball with the Lord
and toss the ball to him. I can let go of it and He will take it from there.

Maybe try praying for a positive solution to the situation. Hope this helps and doesn't sound like Mary Poppins.

 

[plum]

KathyBee, it never rains but it pours...

Walt has given you some great advice and to that I would simply encourage you to seek pleasure and other soothers. There is a natural tendency during the healing to invoke 'stop the world I want to get off', or at least temporarily while I get a handle on this thing. But we can't. Life, with all it's slings and arrows and beauty and sunshine carries on regardless. It took me quite a time to realise that I was attempting to micromanage disaster as a desperate way of controlling the situation. I've found that this can masquerade as responsibility, being grown-up (whatever the heck that means), efficacy and such. The thing is sh*t happens and all we really have *control* over are our responses. It is incredibly hard to let this wash over you but at some point you have to. Remember that tms is not something to be cured off. It's not a disease or a bogey-man.

One of the best threads on here is this one - http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/3-can-you-work-too-hard-at-overcoming-tms.194/

I think it is very important and it bears repeated listening. It's so easy to see situations as a challenge to your healing and to ramp your response to it. If anything this can create a self-defeating cycle where you try, for example, to resolve intensity with intensity. They don't cancel out. Instead they add to the tension.

So what to do?
Things that feel good. Be nice to you. Maybe even take a break from tms work. Let things pan out a while.
I know that sounds so easy but in every way, it is the solution.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

That thread is wonderful. Thanks, Plum.

I just got a phone call from a book editor who has been handling one of my unpublished nonfiction books for months and
she asked to be relieved of being my agent on it. She said it wasn't because she didn't think he had merit, but because she has been feeling overloaded with work and clients.

She sounded very stressed so I suggested she go online to TMSWiki.org/forum and learn about Dr. Sarno and TMS, and she said she is very
open to that and would do it. Then she said she was still recovering from a difficult divorce two years ago which gave me a clue that she
might have TMS from that repressed emotion. Being a literary agent has to be a very stressful job, trying to please authors and get their books published or being as gentle as possible when rejecting their manuscripts. Especially today when publishing is such a competitive business, even more than it always was.

So she's decided to be kind to herself and lighten her load. Maybe she'll discover TMS now.

 

[Ellen]

I am having a hard time finding a happy place between repressing something and being obsessed.
Someone I know has gotten himself into a situation. I am pretty stressed over it. I am concerned for what will happen to him. I want to help him, but there is not anything I can do for him right now. I also want to smack him a couple of times for doing something stupid that could mess up his life. I am concerned about his mental health. He has a business partnership with a member of my family and we could be affected negatively financially depending on how this goes down.
To top it off this has been an incredibly busy and stressful week at work.
How dare he do this during a time I am already stressed out.
I am pretty sure I am feeling all my feelings now, but my TMS symptoms have brought their old friends to visit and invited some new ones.
I do not want to obsess over this, but if I try not to think about it, does that make it worse? Is that repression or something different? I am not sure how long it will take this situation to resolve itself. Or how long it will take to pick up the pieces afterward. I do not want to feel like this for an extended period of time.

KathyBee,
One of the spiritual teachers/writers that I love the most is Byron Katie. One of my favorite things that she says is: "There are 3 kinds of business--my business, your business, and God's business [meaning those things out of anyone's control]." She discusses how much of our stress is caused by trying to control things that are not "my business". We can't control what others do or what happens in the world, so we just have to learn to let it go and take care of ourselves.

As always, Plum and Walt have provided very wise counsel. Take care of yourself, dear one.

 

[Gigi]

She sounded very stressed so I suggested she go online to TMSWiki.org/forum and learn about Dr. Sarno and TMS, and she said she is very
open to that and would do it. Then she said she was still recovering from a difficult divorce two years ago which gave me a clue that she
might have TMS from that repressed emotion. Being a literary agent has to be a very stressful job, trying to please authors and get their books published or being as gentle as possible when rejecting their manuscripts. Especially today when publishing is such a competitive business, even more than it always was.

So she's decided to be kind to herself and lighten her load. Maybe she'll discover TMS now.

Good for you, Walt, to be able to suggest something positive for someone who was clearly in need of it!
I sometimes struggle with whether or not to share the TMS story with people. I continue to struggle with the fear of them judging me, but I try to err on the side of being generous in suggesting something that might work for them.

On another note, Walt, I checked out your list of publications, and realized that I might have some of them in my middle school library

Blessings on the journey.

 

[Stella]

Hi Kathy Bee,
My thinking can also become obssessive. I will try to go to sleep but can't because my mind is spinning. I got up last night to journal. I can't get it out of my head until I journal it out of my head. Then my mind calms down so I can get to sleep. But this is true for me during the day too. My body starts twitching. I have to journal to get it out of my mind and stop/slow the processing in my head. I many times have to do it over and over. It may take days or weeks or months.