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Better to get on with life or hold back for a while?

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Guava, Jul 20, 2013.

  1. Guava

    Guava Peer Supporter

    Hi Guys. I'm sorry I'm posting on here quite a bit recently, but your support has been amazing!

    (just ashamed I don't have much advice to offer atm when everyone is so helpful!):oops:

    Short summary:
    -started 1st year uni (got through-pain become bad towards the end)
    -started 2nd year uni (pain became extreme, and despite fighting to stay at uni, left towards end of second year-i.e didn't take exams)
    -took a year off uni to try and get better
    -now have chance to go back and do second year again starting October, else i shall have to leave and start all over again if i return (which will cost me loads and be very disheartening) :(

    The year off has lead to somewhat of an improvement, but obviously I still have pain and discomfort and struggle with a lot. I'm just not sure whether it would be better to try and get back to my normal life despite this pain, or try to beat it first and then return. The other thing is if I do return (which in my heart I really want to- i'll need to apply for Disabled student allowances to get equipment to help me like a large screen and dictaphone etc), and i'm concerned this might play a role in maintaining the TMS (ie viewing it as a disability) :S

    Have people found it more effective beating TMS while forcing their way through normal life (as much as possible) or is it better to take off time and fully concentrate on beating it before returning?
    I'm concerned that in going back- it could be a disaster and I may not be able to cope at all, essentially destroying everything I ever worked for and leaving me with nothing. But I'm not sure of exactly what I will gain by staying- my condition may improve, but it may not?

    Any advice?
    Best wishes to all!
  2. Gigalos

    Gigalos Beloved Grand Eagle

    Different people have different ways to conquer their TMS. I think that the people who force their way through in a hard way have the right personality for it. If you are somewhat 'softer', take it more easy as it might give you more strain than reassurance. The main thing is to do things in such a way that you slowly let fear/worry/doubt die down and with it will your tms. You must find your personal way of doing that, depending on your personality and the severity of your symptoms. If you do things that are just steps too high or if you do nothing at all, it won't help you. The right way is somewhere in between those two. Somewhat challenging but not too much. I read you challenge yourself so good for you.

    Are you really destroying everything you ever worked for???? Really?? Are you really left with nothing??? If you apply for disabled student allowances, wouldn't it be smart to set a personal goal to return the large screen etc. before the end of the year? If you make it, hurray, if not, you might be able to do it the following year. Just be convinced that one day you will. Don't see it as a crutch in the way of something unnecessary to make it through. Your body needs time to get better, you'll know when it is time to put away the crutches. If you don't make it through, don't be too hard on yourself. You at least tried, which is true courage!

    wishing you the best and hope others here that have had similar dilemmas can help you with more advice
    Guava likes this.
  3. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Guava you said you were somewhat better, can you explain the steps and strategies you've taken to get somewhat better?
    I fought through a lot to keep a business of mine open after the pain came on me and I still recovered
    of course I fought for a long time with the pain before I ever got the business so were somewhat different there
    if your scared its going to get worse when you back to school then the law of attraction will accommodate you on that thought
    what you fear is what you get.
    that's why if you would run doun what your currently doing to lessen the symptoms
    it would help us tons in being able to give you some great advice,
    your the ruler of your world and you can win with uncompromising determination
    Gigalos wrote some great advice that gives you some time for thought and consideration
    hello 'Gigalos nice to see you here giving some great wisdom for Guava, your a great person
    Guava is a powerful name and I know your a powerful person
    your on the right track looking for the best advice, that's key
    then action on that advice and losing the fear
    waiting to hear back Guava
    God bless
  4. Guava

    Guava Peer Supporter

    Hello. Thanks for the reply. I've been less concerned about the pain and discomfort, not really letting it bother me as much as it used to, and convincing myself that i've had it for all this time, and nothing has drastically changed for the worse so it can't be a degenerative condition. I've started using my body more by going swimming. I've tried to start doing things I completely avoided before. Like going on my laptop, sitting etc, and am managing much better than I was before.

    I like gigalos' advice. In that I can't do nothing, but I can't push myself too hard. I think I have made a decision in that I will return. But I'll take it slow. I'll pace myself, and not be concerned on my results in exams etc but just being there. I feel that I can do it. But theres the worry I can't. I will abolish that right now. I am going to do this. I've decided. Even if I can't at least i've tried and rather than concerning myself with what could happen or should happen. I'll just take each step as it comes.

    Thank you guys :)
    gailnyc likes this.
  5. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Guava)- Quote- I have made a decision in that I will return. But I'll take it slow. I'll pace myself, and not be concerned on my results in exams etc but just being there. I feel that I can do it. But theres the worry I can't. I will abolish that right now. I am going to do this. I've decided. Even if I can't at least i've tried and rather than concerning myself with what could happen or should happen. I'll just take each step as it comes.

    Thank you guys :)

    Eric)- This is the best advice ever, your awesome Guava,
    Do exactly as you said above- its great you have the answer and when hard situations hit
    know that you will pull threw- you will win and nothing can stop you when you have made up your mind to win
    all you had to know ( is this the truth), and now you know the truth- now fight the good fight, your an overcomer
    Thank You for that powerful response
  6. Gigalos

    Gigalos Beloved Grand Eagle

    Courageous decision Guava!! Hope it all works out for you, if it doesn't, you can still be proud of yourself!!

    good luck
  7. AndrewMillerMFT

    AndrewMillerMFT Well known member


    I wanted to express my empathy for the tough decision that you are engaged in though I want you to know that it's one that many TMS-er's have gone through. You are not the first person who has considered trying to rid themselves of their pain before they re-engage in life. However, that kind of thinking can perpetuate the pain cycle unfortunately. Pain is the distraction that keeps us from living life and facing issues that touch on our core problems (perfectionism, trauma, negative schemas, goodism). Yes these issues might be stimulated in returning to school but interestingly enough - that is sometimes where our best work can be done - noticing that our issues are being triggered, addressing them head-on and persisting in spite of them. Oftentimes, that alone can help reduce pain. The risk of waiting is that the pain will continue with the "pressure" of engaging with life somewhere out there in the future. The pressure or returning to school, the worry, the fear all can perpetuate the pain cycle.

    Now, that doesn't mean that one has to "force" or bull-through the pain no matter what. One can return to activities in a compassionate manner, taking their time to recover and engage in life. If receiving a disability allowance allows you to do that, you can ask yourself if that's the compassionate action towards yourself. Much like other people have mentioned, it does not mean that you have to accept that allowance in perpetuity. Black and white thinking is often a trap of us TMS'ers, that one has to just bull through everything and ignore the pain or that we are powerless over the pain. Part of many people's TMS healing is learning to live a life in the grey area in between. Doing that can raise some frustration and anger (who doesn't like things spelled out completely concretely??) but can paradoxically bring those emotions to the forefront leadings to a decrease in symptoms when we acknowledge them.

    Best of luck to you in what you decide.
    JanAtheCPA likes this.

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