I just worked through some tough journalling where I realized I'd put my life on hold as a teen and young adult until I was "perfect." I truly believed back then that my life would unfold wonderfully in front of me as soon as I was disciplined enough to lose weight. It was what my parents wanted for me and so what I had to want for myself, right? From time to time I would lose some weight, only to find that I was the same shy, socially awkward and scared girl I was before, so I'd gain it right back. Hershey's was my best friend for years and years (with almonds, of course!). Over time and with some life experience instead of chocolate under my belt, my weight stopped being the thing that shaped my view of myself. BUT I'M STILL PUTTING MY LIFE ON HOLD. This time it's the pain that's doing it. What does my future hold? There's a place I'm working toward where I don't have to have all my dominoes perfectly lined up in order to have happiness and joy and to love myself. It feels a long way off, but today, maybe just an iota closer.