Day 19 Being "proud" of something

On Day 19, we express what we feel proud of having accomplished since starting the SEP. And the first thought I had was of... nothing. I couldn't immediately think of anything I've accomplished since starting the program. Next came a feeling in my belly - shame. I felt shame, and I associated it with the fact that nothing came to mind immediately to list among my accomplishments. Next I went over why I should feel that shame: I should have finished SEP by now (I've had periods where I didn't do my SEP work). The question suggests that everyone else who does the program has had some great breakthroughs and I'm the only one that hasn't... Blah blah blah, on with the negative train of thought.

As I write my thoughts down they make no sense at all. And I get that's all a big story created from the fact that I couldn't immediately think of some "accomplishment". What is an accomplishment for me? In my mind it's a big thing: it's becoming a certified yoga instructor, achieving fluency in a language, getting married, a promotion. My mind does not immediately recognize something like, "I've been running for 3 miles 6 days a week" as an accomplishment, and that's kind of a big deal! It's not like I was doing that *before* starting SEP. How about, I'm 19 days through the SEP! That's an accomplishment.

One accomplishment is the ability to sit back and take a look at the thought process that brings me to TMS symptoms. Instead of racing into a negative headspace, I have the space to look at a train of thought that's disempowering and take a step in a different, empowering direction.

 

Hi Laughalot,
What a wonderful inquiry you have written. To be caught up in shame, and then inquire into it, and notice what it is based on, and let it dissolve. One thing that may help is simply to accept that the shame and feeling deficient will arise, and these feelings will pass. It is part of the human condition. They are painful, and they --as you say-- aren't everything that is going on in the moment. The deficient feelings are very "magnetic" in a way, and one of the magnets is that they should be "fixed." It takes a lot of awareness and steadfastness to write what you have written, to see through the negative thinking, and not be pulled into a fix-it stance. You can see these are just old patterns...
Andy B.

 

I really like the way you delved into to your first response of shame too, Laughalot. I think it takes courage to do that and even more courage to post about it publicly. So surely thats another accomplishment too! Well done....and may the coming year bring us all many insights and relief from pain as we continue our tms journey. All the best, Laughalot.....

 

I love this, LaL.

 

It's thanks to all of your sharing and support that I'm able to make continue with this program!

 

Hey laughalot. I wanted to share this really insightful and educational (learned a lot about myself) TED videos on Shame. It's interesting how vulnerability and shame are so closely intertwined. You owe it to yourself to watch these. Great for you for digging so deep. It's clear to me that you have a lot to be proud of but we are always our biggest critic right? I always say no one can beat me up or make me feel worse than I do.

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame?language=en

 

Crissy, thanks for these amazing videos!

About our worst critic - good grief, yes. It's all about shame and fear. And Love and Compassion - just like Brene says, it comes out the more that we honor and respect our own worthiness.

 

Hi, Laughalot. That's what I try to do every day. I had stressful computer problems this morning and instead of screaming, I just laughed at it all.
Technology gets to me, at my tender age of 85. I was happier in the days before computers. I like watching old movies on television but still remember how wonderful radio was. We used our imagination more then. Of course, for the younger crowd, seeing a huge explosion in color and 3-D is a thrill, but do we need the thrills to get bigger with each new movie? So anyway, I find it very relaxing to laugh.