Day 4 Becoming a believer

[Nightowl]

I've been feeling more and more convinced that my urinary frequency is due to TMS. It started during a period of stress when my mother had been talking about similar symptoms, so she put the idea in my head. But yesterday I got some interesting confirmation.

I started seeing a new psychotherapist this week, and as we were discussing the recent sudden death of my father, my symptoms entirely went away. I was shocked. They did come back a little later, but not as bad. I couldn't believe that just getting my feelings out about this thing that happened to me seemed to temporarily cure me.

Of course, it would have been wonderful if the symptoms stayed away permanently, but I wasn't expecting a miracle. But overall, I am better this morning than yesterday morning. And I was able to sleep last night without anxiety, which is very important to me. I have to keep reminding myself that this is TMS and there is no disease process going on, and if I do the mind body work, I will get better.

Right now, I'm reading Nichole Sachs's book, which is my fourth on the subject. There are moments when even though I believe this is TMS, I don't feel confident I can conquer it. But I'm trying so hard to stay positive and not freak out.

 

[Diana-M]

There are moments when even though I believe this is TMS, I don't feel confident I can conquer it. But I'm trying so hard to stay positive and not freak out.

This right here is the real challenge of TMS. In my opinion, the fight is so mental and emotional. Staying positive and hopeful is an every day project. Reading success stories And reading about the success of people who share in the posts Is one of the best ways I stay positive. I also remind myself that everyone who does the work sooner or later gets better

 

[HealingMe]

I've been feeling more and more convinced that my urinary frequency is due to TMS. It started during a period of stress when my mother had been talking about similar symptoms, so she put the idea in my head.

It’s so funny how the brain works, huh.

 

[Nightowl]

This right here is the real challenge of TMS. In my opinion, the fight is so mental and emotional. Staying positive and hopeful is an every day project. Reading success stories And reading about the success of people who share in the posts Is one of the best ways I stay positive. I also remind myself that everyone who does the work sooner or later gets better

Right! I'm reading Nichole's book and thinking to myself, "OK, I believe it... now what?" But I remember Dr. Sarno said that everyone who was accepting of the diagnosis was able to conquer their pain.

 

[Diana-M]

as long as we don’t give up… We can get out of this!

 

[JanAtheCPA]

and as we were discussing the recent sudden death of my father, my symptoms entirely went away.

Abandonment and Mortality are two enormous issues that we are forced to experience in our lives, only to have our primitive brains try to repress any acknowledgement of emotions around these experiences, in favor of focusing on survival. Evolutionarily, this made sense when our lives were short and we desperately needed to survive and breed. In the modern world, with our expectation of long lives, the repression mechanism is unhelpful at best, more likely harmful. We have to learn to give ourselves permission to acknowledge the pain of Abandonment and the fear of our own Mortality. It's immensely freeing.

These are great topics for journaling.

 

[HealingMe]

Abandonment and Mortality are two enormous issues that we are forced to experience in our lives, only to have our primitive brains try to repress the experience in favor of focusing on survival. Evolutionarily, this made sense when our lives were short and we desperately needed to survive and breed. In the modern world, with our expectation of long lives, the repression mechanism is unhelpful if not harmful, and we have to learn to give ourselves permission to acknowledge the pain of Abandonment and the fear of our own Mortality. It's immensely freeing. These are great topics for journaling.

It's interesting. My brain definitely wants to avoid these topics. As majority of my symptoms have faded, TMS is trying to latch onto these topics in the form of anxiety and fear of those close to me falling ill. For the first time in my life I'm happy & I'm loving life, I am so grateful, and it angers me that us humans have to deal with death, abandonment, and losing things. Even as I write this, my chest feels turbulent and I have the need to walk away and sit with my emotions.

If anyone has any tips or suggestions, would love to hear it.

 

[Nightowl]

Abandonment and Mortality are two enormous issues that we are forced to experience in our lives, only to have our primitive brains try to repress any acknowledgement of emotions around these experiences, in favor of focusing on survival. Evolutionarily, this made sense when our lives were short and we desperately needed to survive and breed. In the modern world, with our expectation of long lives, the repression mechanism is unhelpful at best, more likely harmful. We have to learn to give ourselves permission to acknowledge the pain of Abandonment and the fear of our own Mortality. It's immensely freeing.

These are great topics for journaling.

The crazy part is that I thought I’d been dealing with this painful death really well. I thought I was okay. Apparently not as much as I thought!

 

[Diana-M]

Abandonment and Mortality are two enormous issues that we are forced to experience in our lives, only to have our primitive brains try to repress any acknowledgement of emotions around these experiences, in favor of focusing on survival. Evolutionarily, this made sense when our lives were short and we desperately needed to survive and breed. In the modern world, with our expectation of long lives, the repression mechanism is unhelpful at best, more likely harmful. We have to learn to give ourselves permission to acknowledge the pain of Abandonment and the fear of our own Mortality. It's immensely freeing.

These are great topics for journaling.

Thanks for always keeping this on the radar for us, Jan! They are big gorillas in the room.

 

[HealingMe]

Thanks for always keeping this on the radar for us, Jan! They are big gorillas in the room.

 

[Diana-M]

I do think that religions try to address these topics. I guess it’s a matter of finding what speaks to your heart.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

it angers me that us humans have to deal with death, abandonment, and losing things. Even as I write this, my chest feels turbulent and I have the need to walk away and sit with my emotions.

That anger is Rage, @HealingMe! Classic Sarno-Freudian RAGE.

My TMS aha! moment was identifying the rage which resulted in my cascading crisis of symptoms in 2011, the year I turned 60. I refer to it as the Rage of Age. It encompassed all four of the big existential issues:
Isolation/Abandonment
Freedom
Meaning
Mortality

It's 14 years later, years which included three very significant losses, and Mortality is even more inevitable, along with the reality of Abandonment. The difference is that I'm not housebound or disabled with anxiety, depression, and neuro symptoms, whereas back in 2011 that seemed to be the path I was on - until I stumbled on Dr Sarno.

These days I acknowledge and accept that I'm afraid to die, and I think about the people I've lost and still miss who have gone before me, and I grieve for them and for myself and I rage against the curse of awareness that was forced on us. And then I tell the cat that he should appreciate how fucking lucky he is to be ignorant and I move on again and get on with my life until the next time I'm forced to awareness.

It is what it is. It's a cycle, and it's manageable, and given how imperfect our brains are for living in today's world, I've decided that manageable is fine.

Freedom and Meaning also have their place in any consideration of aging. I've recently added a fifth item to the original Existential Four, which is Uncertainty - that's a huge emotionally sucking issue right now, no matter your age.