1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
    Dismiss Notice

Beating a dead horse

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Boston Redsox, Feb 17, 2015.

  1. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member


    I know how I am handling my soon to be divorce is causing 90% of my pain and my youngest son is the other 10%what do I need to look at or journal about that I have not addressed. I am in stale mate with my pain not getting better or worse.

    Still taking my lexapro and gabapentin, I can't work if I don't I tried twice and could not take it. The meds take the edge off at best.

    I feel like I am in quick sand and can't get out. help
  2. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    Boston Redsox, One day at a time is sometimes too much…and that's when it's time for one minute at a time. Or as the meditation folks say, "moment by moment awareness." If you're going through a divorce, I think it's probably time to be extra kind to yourself. Take you meds and accept their help for this difficult season. It's okay, really it is.

    I'm sorry about your divorce and kid difficulties.

    One of my favorite words of advice are given by the beloved forum favorite - @Walt - Find some funny movies and find the healing power in laughter. He's been around a bit longer than most of us here so I take his encouragement seriously. :)
    Dahlia and lexylucy like this.
  3. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle


    Have you read this review of different journaling techniques?


    There are so many different ways to approach journaling. When my journaling gets repetitive, I try a different technique. I like the spider technique from Unlearn Your Pain that is in the above article.

    Also, I think it's important to approach journaling as a way to learn more about yourself, to be more in touch with your emotions, but not specifically and directly as a way to reduce TMS. Just like it is advised not to exercise or meditate or do yoga to eliminate TMS. The same principle applies. I think that all these techniques are more about reducing fear then TMS directly. Journaling shows your unconscious brain you are not afraid to look at your emotions, just as exercise demonstrates you are not afraid of physical injury. Meditation shows you are not afraid to be fully present in the moment. But we know that reducing fear does impact TMS by interfering with the TMS-fear cycle. It's a subtle and nuanced difference, but I think it is an important one.

    Wishing you the best during this difficult and stressful time...
    Dahlia, North Star and Tennis Tom like this.
  4. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Divorcing and concerns about the children are often cited by TMSers as causing their pain, and I believe it.
    A real good friend is in the early stages of dealing with both and he says he just came down with a bad chest cold.
    Emotional stress lowers our immune system, so that was almost to be expected.

    These are very trying times for you, Marco, and others in the same situations.

    My parents divorced when I was 7 and I a sure I still have the insecurity that left me.
    Children in a divorce need lots of extra love and attention. If both separating partners can't be there for the kids,
    at least one them should try. Depending on the kids' ages, I think one of the best ways to be there for them
    is to play with them. Board games, video games, etc., and watch good movies together. Movies and tv that
    make them laugh.
  5. blake

    blake Well known member

    Hi Boston,
    That is exactly how the pain feels - like we're trapped and we can't get out. I know that feeling all too well. I have a whole toolbox of tms techniques that work most of the time. But sometimes, nothing works. When that happens, I do what North Star suggests: I take it one minute at a time. Or do what Walt says: I distract my mind with something I enjoy. It's certainly not easy, but really, what else can we do? We're all we've got.
    Boston Redsox likes this.
  6. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Thx Walt

    For your concerns and advice, luck my children are older 18-16 so it's not bad in that sense they are off doing there own thing. In a way that bothers in the sense I will be more alone than i already am.
  7. Peggy

    Peggy Well known member

    Hi Boston:

    My sisters say dealing with divorce is worse than a death, because at least with death there is a finality that you can deal with, but with divorce you still have to deal with that person. My feelings are with you, and I hope things will start moving for you soon.

    I was watching Eckhart Tolle last night and he talks about unreciprocated relationships on this video on youtube: Eckhart Tolle - Enjoying Every Moment FULL Movie. The part about relationships is at 42 minutes. He also has a segment on pain, how we (a lot of us) have to go through pain and suffering to find spirituality. It was a really good compilation of some of his talks. It's a real bummer that that's what it takes, pain and suffering, but that's just the way it is I guess.
  8. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Peggy Sue lol

    I had to say it sorry...

    Your sister makes a great point regarding death and divorce...I told my soon to be x wife that she would make the worse x due to the fact she is very needy...maybe I made her that way but that another story.

    I will look at that movie from ET thx so much for your response and concern that's what I love about this forum we all share something in common to bad it pain and suffering but it what we need at this moment. Let take life min by min or moment by moment. This was advice someone on this site gave me. I apologize but I forgot who it was.

  9. Peggy

    Peggy Well known member

    Hey Boston:

    Ha, Ha, my sister's name (one of my divorced sisters in the above story) is Sue. We used to have a good time with that.

    I guess pain and anxiety are a pretty strong bond. I had a dream before Christmas that there were 5 people sitting at my kitchen table, all from the forum. They were sitting there with there laptops and chatting. It was nice to see them.

    I also like Claire Weeke's steps when dealing with anxiety, face, accept, float and let time pass. You know, things never stay the same, they always change, so letting time pass just confirms that things are changing or will be changing very soon.

    Peggy Sue
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2015
    Ellen and yb44 like this.
  10. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Peggy. I live by hope in change. Positive change.
    No matter how long it is before my prayers are answered, I always believe they will be.
    Letting time pass makes it possible for us to live in a state of hope.

    Right now, I'm hoping the weather warms up in the Chicago area.
    This morning it was 8 below zero and the weather forecaster said it hadn't been that cold since 1933.
    I don't remember that, because I was only 3 years old then, probably warm in my mother's arms.
    I'm 84 now and wish I were there again. How easy life was for me back then.

    But I'm not complaining. I've had a full live and believe the best is yet to come.
    Even if it may not be on Earth.

    My older brother had a great philosophy about life. Near the end, he said,
    "It was great while it lasted."

    He took life by the minute, as Marco suggests. I do too, with hope in each minute.

Share This Page