Bad Times Please read and help

[cirrusnarea]

Hi Everyone,

I remember being very encouraged after my back pain diminished significantly. It went from being a 24/7 thing to just a mild end of the day thing. And it still is. So why the bad times?

I became frustrated that the end of the day pain wouldn't go away. I play piano and can't really do that when my back pain goes to to about an 8 and I can only concentrate on the pain. So I was frustrated, but still releived.

I had my wisdom teeth out over a year ago, and about a year after my recovery. The doctor gave me some nice pills that not only took away all my pain, but made me feel better than I'd ever felt in my whole life. It was like I was the real me, no pain, anxiety, inhibitions, cheerful, brave. As these began to run out I did use them sparingly. While going through my grandmother's cabinet, boom, another month's supply!

Anyway, I eventually was referred to a pain treatment center which gave me a good supply, 60 5mgs a month. Last visit I asked her to up date dosage to 10 mgs and I went through them in under a week. Now i have nothing and I feel horrible. I'm anxious and depressed pretty bad, and the fact I lost my job last week has not helped things.

I don't know what to ask you guys for except for prayers and words of encouragement.

 

[Anne Walker]

I can see how discouraging and frustrating this could be. Sometimes when some big things get thrust on us, without feeling like there was any real choice or control - loss of a job, rejection, divorce - all we can do is find a way to get through it. I imagine your increase in the pain medication this last week was tied to loosing your job... Try to take a step back and not blow this all up. You have made a ton of progress and becoming a little too dependent on pain medication is human. Don't be too hard on yourself for it. You can get through this and perhaps this time you will be able to figure out what that frustrating, last lingering end of the day pain was all about. Perhaps this is the beginning of a change that you really needed to make and it will be wonderful in the future. That is a possibility even if it doesn't FEEL possible in this moment. You are going to make it through this. Wrangle your brain in and don't allow yourself to go too deeply into the abyss. Take a deep breath and start small. Get out and do something in the sunshine or go see a movie or something. Play the piano for a little bit and just try to relax. You may be going through some pain medication withdrawal and I am not quite sure what to recommend for that. You are going to be okay.

 

[cirrusnarea]

Aww, thanks, Ann. So good to hear from you. You always know what to say to make me look at things in a better way. Yeah, been doing a lot of beating myself up over getting laid off. I feel like a failure in a lot of ways. I admit I am lazy and don't have a very good work ethic. That could be tied to the pain as well. Thanks for being a friend.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Cirrusnarea. I like Anne's reply and yes, she is always very caring and helpful. I used to have a piano when I was a teenager and loved playing, even without any lessons. I just improvised and enjoyed it. You're lucky you play the piano, even if only for short periods. I wouldn't associate pain with playing the piano. That could make it a conditioning. The pain must be from a repressed emotion or a perfectionist or goodist personality.

I also don't think pain from teeth being removed over a year ago is causing you pain. It's from TMS. Good luck in healing and keep positive about it.
If you haven't done the Structured Educational Program, I suggest you start it, free in the subforum of this web site. It helps us to discover the TMS causes of our pain and how to heal from them.

 

[cirrusnarea]

Hey Walt, good to hear from you too. That's right, I have to associate he pain with the emotions, but I thought I'd been over them all. I just don't know what causes my TMs, but I have the personality traits. And I have recovered so much.

I don't associate the pain with getting my teeth pulled, although, after the surgery all my teeth hurt for a month or more. Could be TMS, who knows, I called the doc and they didn't know why all my teeth would hurt. Because I was focused on that part of my body?

The wisdom teeth getting pulled is just the starting of my drug problems. I would recommend those on this form to avoid narcotic pain relievers. They are hard to break and the same thing as heroin more or less.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi again, cirrusnarea. You may have solved your emotional problems, or at least have discovered them, and that has helped you mostly heal.
Now you may be right that your TMS is from personality traits. You're probably like most TMSers including me, a perfectionist and wanting to help others and for them to like and approve of you. It's more important to like yourself, then others will sense that and like you more.

I had my upper teeth removed 50 years ago and haven't had a toothache since. An upper plate won't hurt. haha

 

[cirrusnarea]

"a perfectionist and wanting to help others and for them to like and approve of you. It's more important to like yourself,"

You couldn't have described it any better. It's a lovely trait to have though, so why does God punish us for it? Well, I know the truth that it is our cross to bear.
We not only try to bear our own, but struggle to help others carry theirs as well, no wonder we have back pain .

The only main problem I see is seeking approval from others. This is garbage we need to stop doing! We are individuals, not everyone is going to like us, and for people like us that hurts. But remember, it's their issue not yours. Often times when people don't like you , inside they may be jealous.

There is one being we need to be concerned about approving of us, and that should be our focus.