Bad night

Hi Everyone

I've been making great progress recently, and consider myself almost healed, but last night I had a very strange upsurge of symptoms, which woke me at 3 .a.m.

I don't recall dreaming anything in particular, but I woke in a cold sweat with my heart hammering, I felt full of adrenalin. Then my head and face started to throb with intense pain, I felt confused and dizzy, every nerve in my body was buzzing and I had really bad tinnitus. It's about 3-4 years since I've felt this way. I had to wake my husband to help me get out of bed. I experienced many nights like this when I was withdrawing from Lyrica, but nothing nearly so bad since.

I did my best to stay calm, and "talk myself down", as I've done a million times before, but I ended up having to take codeine for my headache after an hour as I could no longer tolerate the intense pain.

I've had to stay home from work this morning since I still feel a bit strange and I'm very tired.

Nothing happened yesterday that I can tie this to. I spent the morning cleaning, then I did some work in my garden and washed my car. After that I went for a drive in the countryside with my husband, and we took a walk in the sunshine. When we got home I cooked, talked to my sister on the phone for a while, had a bubble bath, watched my favourite TV programme, chatted to my husband for a an hour or so then went to bed.

Last week I had some tricky negotiations to carry out at work, but it all went well and was resolved by Friday anyway. I have quite a busy time coming up, but there's nothing happening that I'm unfamiliar with. The only other thing is that it's my parent's 60th wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks and we're having a family party, and we'll have house guests staying the night. All pretty normal stuff for me.

I've spent the morning journaling and trying to puzzle this out, I'm not going to let it discourage me as I know I'm healing, I've had glitches before, but I've usually been able to identify what "set me off". I felt great yesterday, I was busy and happy and just living my life, so where did this come from? I don't want to go down the path of being afraid of what might be in my subconscious as that's pointless and unhelpful. I've done a ton of really "deep" journaling and it's helped me immeasurably, I don't think I've left any stone unturned.

I'm baffled as to what happened here, does anyone have any suggestions. I'm perimenopausal, so I'm thinking hormone fluctuation might have thrown it's hand in too. I'm sometimes more symptomatic around the time of my period. The mysteries of the human body AAARGH.............

 

Hi Mermaid,
I'm sorry to hear about your symptom flare-up when you've been doing so well. We share a lot of symptoms and history with treating them, so I can completely understand what you went through. I had a flare-up the other night, too, after having several days of absolute freedom from TMS symptoms. I was able to make a connection with some deep emotional stuff, though. I thought I had turned over every stone, too. What I found is that though I had turned over this particular stone, I hadn't really examined it and let the emotions come up. I had acknowledged its presence, but that wasn't enough apparently. Several days later I'm still processing this one.

Also, I know my flare-up came after having felt symptom-free for several days and having the thought that I've healed--I'm over this. I was beginning to plan writing my success story to post on the Forum Perhaps my unconscious is very threatened by these thoughts, and is throwing me all its got to try to distract me again. There have been a few threads on this topic, and it seems a lot of us experience this phenomenon--we think "I'm healed" (or almost) and then we have a flare up. It's very frustrating. I'm literally afraid to think thoughts of success. As soon as I have one, I quickly try to move to something else. It seems we should be able to bask in our success, but I suspect the unconscious doesn't like it. I stated in another thread on this topic that perhaps thinking about the absence of pain is similar to thinking about the presence of pain. The focus remains on the body and the state of pain.

I would stay focused on the psychological in your search for an explanation. It is always possible to come up with a theory of the physical, and it is always the first thing my brain comes up with. But then I remind myself that other people experience these same physical phenomena (hormone fluctuations, weather changes, etc) without pain. And then I go back to thinking this is just one more manifestation of my TMS and the mystery of my unconscious brain.

Hoping you are feeling better. Sending healing thoughts your way...

 

Hi Ellen

Thanks for your support. My flare-ups are getting further apart and I feel so much better in between them, I know I'm healing, but I have to look back years to realize just how far I've come. The overall improvement has been so slow as to be almost imperceptible.

My approach to healing has been to realise that our minds, bodies and spirits are an ever changing intertwined landscape. It's not possible to discount any internal or external influence when considering our health and wellbeing. Whilst I am 100% certain my difficulties have a emotional basis, it can be more stressful putting myself under too much pressure to go "soul mining", I find it's sometimes better just to let it pass on it's own. I think it would help me to accept that I can feel unwell and not know the cause.

 

Oh, Mermaid! I am so sorry to hear of the flare. Your thread title caught my attention because I had a doozy of a night last night myself. (Mine was agonizing pain in my hip. Before I went to bed, it was my left hip…and then it was my right hip that woke me up. How's that for TMS?!)

Anyhoo. I wish I could offer you some insight but I think Ellen's thoughts on this are great. For this this morning, I journaled and was surprised at the pile of up minor annoyances. And then my annoyance at being annoyed over petty issues. GAH!!! But I listed them out and finished my writing with a list of things to be grateful for. I think this morning I'll crank up some of my TMS music…Twisted Sister's "We're not gonna take it!" being one of them. (I can't remember who was it that suggested it but it was great. There was on that Njoy had recommended to. I have it bookmarked; it was on youtube…it was a eastern european band. Even though it's not in English, it's message of fighting the resistance is clear.)

This TMS is tough to figure out at sometimes. Sometimes you need a sword and other times some flowers and quiet time.

It does get old, doesn't it? I keep reminding myself SPRING IS COMING! I'm going to got get a flat tire repaired today and if the weather clears up, I'll take my bike out for a spin.

Thinking of you and sending warm loving thoughts your way.

 

Mermaid- Just saw your post after I posted mine. I decided that peri-menopause is a "all bets are off" season. Hormonal fluctuations are very real and I don't put it past TMS to put its special little spin on their felt effects.

So like you, I am also learning to shrug stuff off. (This is especially helpful when I'm on the warpath and feel like ripping someone's head off. ) I remind myself that emotions are nothing but a passing state and that TMS is a toothless lion. It might roar and fuss but it is powerless.

 

Hi Northstar,

I love all your posts, they're so open and honest, you've held on to your sense of humour which is great.

Boy does it ever get OLD, I've been working on this for 2 years now and I'm SICK OF IT ! I know it's a load of make believe c**p my stupid brain has invented, I'm SO ready to move on, but it keeps dragging me back, I HATE IT !!!!!!! (deep breath). TMS is bad enough, but having been through all the medication withdrawal nightmare as well requires a massive amount of strength and patience, both of which I run out of frequently

Just being able to have a good whinge to people who understand is a great help. I know I'll be OK tomorrow, but I want to STAY OK.

Thanks for your support

 

Sorry North Star I was so busy going on about myself I didn't mention your poor hips. You've really got it on the run there !

 

This I wonder: The route of emotional pain lays in established patterns within our minds. If we become distressed, or an emotion bubbles up, it translates immediately into pain. As we slip into that nether region of sleep, in which dreams manifest under various masks, whether real or not, still it will erupt as pain (TMS). The dream(s) may carry nothing of real significance ... simply a kettle pot of stew that boils over, dripping into the fire beneath it. It may have woven thoughts of a book, a movie, a random conversation, vague memories ... any tangle. The cause may not have any basis, but the mind interprets the result ... from habit. While sleeping, we lack the coherence to block this habitual path before it floods our nervous system. I wonder .....

Meanwhile, the pain sends us scrambling for cause.

I speak these words after a night of excessive flares, twists of anxiety and clock-watching ... a night I was fully aware that I had once more lowered my meds. Upon awakening, I considered the vicodin, but instead, I am sipping coffee, eating breakfast, and reading posts. And breathing.

We are all strong enough to continue forward, and compassionate enough to hear ourselves when we need that extra comfort of meds. It is okay to give our minds a break from the fight. I was able to veer away from it simply because as I began moving around, the pains eased.

It is a long road ahead of us ... but it took a long time to arrive where we are. Patience and persistence *smiles*

with grace and gratitude,
^_^

 

You girls are just the best, you know that? Mermaid that was so sweet of you to offer a PS condolences to my "poor hips". (That made me chuckle.) I've called my hips a lot of things over the years but never "poor". It is a good reminder that the wandering location is major TMSing.

But then your sweet post, Lily Rose, reminds me of the need to be gentle in loving towards my body. I've had such an adversarial relationship with it for so long it really takes time to retrain.

And yes, pain in my hips (especially the outer aspects…just like what Dr. Sarno talks about). Hubby was trying to give a massage the other day and I was just yelping with any pressure at all. Makes me wonder if my daily listen to Dr. Sarno's book is causing this stubborn resistance.

Lily Rose, Mermaid and Ellen…group hug! I have a collection of some of my favorite gals all on one thread! Happy me.

 

Hi Lily Rose

What a wonderful post !!! I've often dreaded the night time and gone to bed thinking "I hope I don't have one of my stupid dreams, I always feel lousy in the morning if I do". That was possibly it, only I don't remember the dream!! We can't "police" our subconscious in our sleep can we, so we could have a "dream flare up" I suppose.

I totally understand about the gabapentin withdrawal thing, you'll get there in the end. I used to wait a month after the initial withdrawal effects had subsided before making another cut, it took forever but I couldn't have gone quicker.

Much love

 

Hi Girls,

I'm so grateful for all your support, it means so much to me to know that someone understands.

I LOVE YOU ALL

 

Mermaid, maybe just put the bad night down as a one-time event and remind yourself TMS problems
can come and go while you're working on being totally pain-free.

You just had a bad night. Don't think of it as a set-back but a temporary glitch.
Stay focused in the positive and try to forget it.

I've sometimes taken a Kava Kava tablet to relax. It's from natural herbs and not habit-forming,
but gives a nice calming feeling and make you a little sleepy. Health food stores carry Kava Kava
and you can read about it on google and order some online.

 

Hi Walt, I was hoping you would join us you always give such good advice, it's easy for me to get carried away when I have one of my exploding head episodes .

I've thought of using Kava Kava before, but since it's GABA active and I had such a terrible time withdrawing from Gabapentin, Lyrica and Valium I decide to be cautious and leave it alone.

Bless you, you are such a caring person

 

Imagine ears perking up sharply, and eyes focusing ..... this is new information for me. Will you please share more about this? I am using Kava to easy my IBS (it is working wonderfully), and to ease off Gabapentin (also working more or less). I have never taken Lyrica, nor Valium, but I have heard is extremely challenging to come off of it.

Thank you, always, for sharing.

with grace and gratitude,
^_^

 

I'm obviously not a doctor and no expert in this, but because of the problems I had with medications I'm extremely cautious in taking anything at all. I always check on the mode of action first. I felt that since my brain chemistry had been disrupted once, I didn't need to add anything else to the mix. I just wanted it all to normalise naturally, so no more GABA stuff for me. Every person's experience is different, that was just my personal choice. I also don't drink caffeine and I avoid sugary foods, they seem to rev me up.

 

I know enough about medications that you never mix herbals with prescription meds - never. It can be dangerous. If you have questions, call your pharmacist - they are the specialists when it comes to meds, even herbals. I've found they know much more than the doctors do in this regard.

Mermaid - I was late to the gate on this one, but wanted to give you some gentle hugs. Odd that so many people had a bad night at the same time (me, too!). Hmmmmm ......

 

That's good advice about the meds Linda, I agree totally.

Odd about the bad night craze, perhaps it was a weird planetary alignment of something.....................

 

I am delving into some chakra studies, and re-reading a 1971 novel called 2150. The novel lacks poetry and flow, but I have carried it around with me for over 30 years. I 'forget' about it, then return. The message is delivered like a battering ram, and often the message is slightly off-center, yet ...... within the brambles, sunlight sneaks through to nourish the wildflowers. It is for these wildflowers I challenge the brambles.

It seems, this time ... this time ... I can see with more clarity.

In the depth of darkness, the hours where energy ebbs low and emotions tremble, I awoke enough to pull in the array of messages, and gently, gently, I rolled to my right shoulder, breathing so softly. One minute, I thought ... just one minute to rest here. A minute passed, then another. Just under an hour I awoke again, still on that shoulder, and I nearly shouted in amazement. I do not remember the last time I slept on my shoulder without excruciating pain. With a whispered thank you, I rolled away from it, and after a moment of hesitation, rolled to my left. I slept again. Not as long, but long enough. Long enough.

In all this work, this delving, this shifting, I still had not quite believed I would recover my shoulders. It seemed to much to ask. In the worn paperback novel, the words from one of our great teachers: Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened.

Belief is the key to that door. Belief in your intrinsic value, your worth.

With my palms open, I offer this key.
Believe without reservations ... believe.

with grace and gratitude,
^_^

 

I replied to another post with the following but thought it could help you folks, too.

I rarely watch tv news but in waiting for the weather forecast I caught an interview in which ABC tv news
anchor Dan Harris said that a few years ago he had an anxiety attack while on camera in the studio giving the news.
He said he later learned it was personal emotional problems and said that after spending time and money with
several therapists he learned how to relax and hasn't had an attack since.

He said he meditates while sitting straight in a chair, closes his eyes, and breathes deeply. If his mind wanders, he brings it back
to his breathing. He said if we do this even just 5 minutes a day, it will calm us while also helping our immune system
and lowering high blood pressure.

I've looked at dozens of web sites and read books on meditation, yoga, and other relaxing techniques and
they ALL say it calls for DEEP BREATHING. Fill your stomach with air like it's a balloon, breathing in through the nose,
hold the breath for a count of 4 or 6, then let the air out through your mouth while sucking in your gut. The breathing out
should be longer than the breathing in.

Most of us know this, we need everyone to know it, and we all need to do it, at least once a day and for at least 5 minutes.

 

Hi Mermaid,
I am so sorry that you had such a rough night. As I've said to others in prior posts, I am a professional handwriting analyst. And, there is a trick that I've been trained to do with handwriting analysis that also works with typed messages. To be specific, I can view a full letter or paragraph that is handwritten or typed and know what was central in the mind of the author as they wrote the note.

For your message above to all of us, the CENTRAL THOUGHT in your mind was the "60th wedding anniversary" of your parents. So, I would consider that this may be the trigger that is bringing about such a strong TMS reaction. Perhaps something so celebratory could not be viewed by your conscious mind as anything negative, however, the subconscious mind may be threatening to reveal difficult emotions around family, and aging (60 years together is amazing!) and the dynamics that come into play when you are dealing with siblings, relatives and friends who all want to have their say about the venue and the style and the food served, etc. at this anniversary party.

Anyway, I wanted you to know what your subconscious mind revealed to me based on my expertise. I did not read everyone else's response to you prior to my sending you this message, so please forgive me if someone else already said the same thing to you; in that case, it will be double confirmed. I just wanted to get this message to you as quickly as possible

I hope you feel better.

Sincerely,

Lianne