I had a severe case of TMS 20 years ago and haven't had problems since until the past week or so. The earliest manifestations were back pain which I got pretty good at defeating. I was surprised once by hives. The hives was absolutely spectacular - it came right after my 2nd child at a time when my life was in turmoil so the rage/stress was off the chart. My entire right arm was bright red and doubled in volume. My face was covered with inflamed patches. I figured it was TMS and dealt with it. Over the past few years it was anxiety and panic attacks. I got good at dealing with that, too. Now I am full circle: My back was bothering me more and more for past 10 days and finally this morning it went BOOM! into a spasm. I know what's going on. It's rage. Why? First of all is all of the stuff that I don't choose. The worries - valid ones plus the ones made up in my head. Money and financial security. The entirety of 2020. The indignities of employment. Paying bills. Keeping the house clean. Marriage. Good marriage overall, but there's lots of petty b.s. that pisses me off. But I am also my worst enemy. It's in my nature to take more and more on, to try to improve myself. More work. More exercise. Lose weight. Eat right. Don't drink alcohol. Don't waste time on social media. More and more and more. I am a total sucker for self-improvement ideas. I just try more and more of them, heaping on the "improvements" I would just rather not do. Of course, all of this just induces more and more rage until I can't take it any more. This morning I read an article on how to eliminate "brain fog." I added another six things to my list of what things I need to change about myself. And then I saw a note from my doctor. Blood work came back and I need to fix my diet because my cholesterol is too high. OK no ice cream, cookies whatever. Three minutes later my back goes into an excruciating spasm. So here I am. I know what it is. Writing this centers the dynamic so that I can disable the distraction.