Back Pained Struggling...

[JackG]

Hey folks,

I've been going through the usual TMS work for about a month now. I was first diagnosed with a herniated disc back in November (~8 months ago), following an accident in the gym (leg pressing ~500lbs when my back arched in accidentally). I saw three doctors, one of them saying I might never sit again due to an annular tear. The other two doctors weren't overly concerned, so the last one was probably just an idiot. I spent the next several months unable to sit, which sucked since I work a full time job and attend an MBA program at night. Today, I can sit, but not comfortably and not always without pain.

I received my TMS diagnosis last month and have seen--generally--some improvement. But I keep ending up back in pain. I am working with a TMS psychotherapist, but not seeing much results there. I did the TMS lectures here in NYC for an audacious $900, which I really didn't find helpful.

My problem is that I keep ending up back in pain. One day might be OK, and then the next few are suffering. And I still get uncomfortable sitting. Worst of all, I have terrible conditioned pain when I lean forward. In fact, it's at the point where sitting and leaning forward on my elbows (almost like a shortstop in Baseball) will cause my pain to re-emerge and last for as much as two days after doing so. That alone keeps thrusting me back into "structural land." That lasting pain doesn't make sense to me as TMS! It's so tough.

I'm really just getting torn up. My hope is fading fast with all of these days of seeming success, followed by days of regressing back. It's two steps forward and two steps back, it seems. I can't shake the idea of structural out of my head, given the increase in lasting pain I get from a very specific position (and the seemingly permanent discomfort I have while sitting).

I also struggle so heavily with finding anger and, in general, journaling. I've lived such a fortunate life, with pretty wealthy and loving parents. I wasn't abused or harassed. I had my share of upsets as a kid, but nothing that I can find as being major. I can't figure out where the repressed rage is coming from (I know that I do hold back anger sometimes, but it's never about a big event)... that just leaves me even further entrenched in "structural" as I think back to my injury coming on so traumatically.

I'm getting very depressed, scared, and disheartened. I'm only 28 and this is killing me.

Has anyone suffered through similar conditioning that caused lasting pain, or struggled with finding their repressed emotions? I'm starting to notice myself thinking too much about this as a structural thing, and I know that's doing nothing but hurting my chances at the recovery I desire.

 

[plum]

Angel, a good many people struggle and get stuck by following a purely Sarno-based approach. It's not due to Sarno's initial idea but more to do with how his thoughts have become codified with time. I spent years in this hell-hole so I speak from experience. You can read 'My Story' for an insight into how I finally began to heal.

The trouble with old school Sarno is that you can get into a 'spinning wheels' situation where you invest a lot of time, energy and money going nowhere. It's not uncommon. The great news is that you can recover by opening yourself to a wider healing paradigm.

First of all read this post by Steve Ozanich to help you understand why the search for repressed emotions is not necessary:

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/seeking-the-grail.529/ (Steven Ozanich - Seeking the Grail)

Then take a look at this one where I describe 4 basic approaches to healing. Read the whole thread for context. (Point 4 is towards the end and links to one of the most powerful success stories on the forum):

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/do-some-never-heal.14869/ (Do some never heal)

Finally, as per the suggestions in the post above, have you explored Alan Gordon's program? Or Dr. Schubiner? Or David Hanscom? These are the best of the next generation of pain-recovery specialists who have the advantage of blending psychology with neuroscience, advances Dr. Sarno didn't have at his disposal when he was writing.

Healing truly is an individual venture so don't worry too much about this impasse. Most of us veterans have endured it and have come through shining. It's just a case of finding what works for you and holding it dear until it becomes part of the fabric of your life. This has a lot to do with self-care and soothing which is something Alan Gordon's program goes into.

Plum

 

[Rosebud]

The trouble with old school Sarno is that you can get into a 'spinning wheels' situation where you invest a lot of time, energy and money going nowhere. It's not uncommon. The great news is that you can recover by opening yourself to a wider healing paradigm.

I'm going to have to embroider that on a monsterflipping cushion, I think.

 

[ash86]

Hi JackG, I too got caught spinning my wheels as Plum said about Sarno and finding repressed emotions. I think it's part of the tms personality to jump in "achieve" recovery, we expect to heal we have to do serious work, because in our minds serious results require serious effort. Try not to dig yourself into that hole. I truly believe this is why I haven't recovered yet. It's almost as if your emotions and something in your past becomes yet another threat which only increases symptoms.

I think alan Gordon's program makes the most sense and is actually pretty simple to understand. And it makes sense of basically all the recoveries I have read. Reduce the fear, eliminate the pain.

I spoke with Dr. Schubiner on the phone monday, and he told me something really helpful. I explained my symptoms; tightening and pain especially with certain movements. He told me to think of them as basically bodily hallucinations. They obviously feel very real, but even amputees can feel cramping in limbs that aren't there. I have had about 20% reduction in pain in 2 days just from thinking that way. Pain is scary, and it's designed to be to protect us from damage. But this pain is not the same. It's the brain freaking out about normal sensations. It hurts, it sucks.... But it can't damage you. It's almost like a amusement park haunted house, you know it's people in costumes, but they still scare you. TMS pain is the same.

About the diagnosis, accept without doubts it's tms. You had a doctor tell you, just choose to accept it even if you don't have that gut feeling yet. They are trained to diagnosis and are making that decision from a neutral, calm mind. When you are in pain and afraid it's hard to think rationally. It's like a kid who is afraid of a monster under the bed. The parent knows there isn't one, and has the experience to know better. The child doesn't and will keep asking the parent to check and reassure them. How much easier would it be for that poor kid to just accept their parents are wiser and there is no monster. Sure, it may be uncomfortable at first to just trust, but the fear would evaporate when the mind stays solidly on that position of trust.