Back Pain Shifted

For the first time in a very long time, the inflammatory markers in my blood have gone down to a reasonable level… still elevated, but not off the charts out of control. I’m holding steady at 20mg of Prednisone, though any lower than that and I’d surely start to struggle with the basics – getting around the house, dressing, etc. Here’s the new headline – the epicenter for my pain for going on 10 years now – has been the lower-left side of my back. It’s all very conveniently located in the same spot every medical professional that’s taken a look agrees is the site of an ‘impinged nerve root’ and blah blah you know the story. Earlier this week I began to have major spasms & excruciating muscular pain…different quality from what I’m used to, though just as severe if not more so, and no traveling down the leg or radiating into the hip. It has completely drowned out the ‘usual’ pain on the left side, and represents the 1st time I’ve ever experienced movement of the pain site. The onset of this acute episode coincides with some major pain in my right foot where I smashed my pinky toe into a door about 10 months ago. This came on without any new trauma, but is bad enough to feel it with every step for the past 5 days or so. I wouldn’t say my stress level has been reduced as of late; if anything, it’s been the opposite. I started working with a psychologist recently only to quit the other day because it was clearly a waste of time. If on the 4th session I’m hearing “I didn’t know you had an autoimmune disease”, this is someone who’s not even paying attention, but she also revealed a complete lack of understanding when it comes to mind-body disorders, the entire reason I was doing it. Unfortunately, there aren’t too many really impressive options for providers that accept my insurance.

Anyway, I’m really not sure how to react to this new development. Is it a sure sign that I’ve got the TMS on the run, and that 100% of the pain I’d been experiencing on the left side up to this point was in fact completely psychosomatic? Or did I just somehow tweak my back muscles badly enough to just cause enough pain to hog up all of my receptors? I am definitely more sedentary as of late & could be more susceptible to muscle strains.

 

I went back and looked at a lot of your posts . You are still using the nomenclature of the Medieval Medical Mythologists. Whoever controls the narrative and the media/language dominates a discussion or endeavor. Use their language, have their experience.

TMS Basic rule. ANYTHING that keeps you focused on your body will prolong the symptoms. All of their language is as such.

Your anger at the psychologist may be well founded. But the way you phrased your gripe with her almost seems like you treasure your identity as a sufferer of _______"

We are all role players, whether we think so or not. Parent, Worker, Believer, Child, Lover, Outlaw...all roles. A common new one is 'sufferer of ___'. I an NOT a sufferer of anything. I recovered long ago from a hopeless state of MIND and body called TMS, but I had to let go of the role of being a sufferer of_____". Learned a new language. Perceived my whole being differently.
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Yes... people we see who are 'professionals' are just people too. If your IQ is over one hundred, you are smarter than half of them. If it is 120, you are smarter than 90% of them,etc.. We think because someone has a role or title that they are magically endowed with some skill, understanding or property that we ourselves couldn't evolve too. The longer I was around the pain Industry, I started noticing that I personally had more information and awareness of treatments than the majority of people treating me. That is actually good... that means Being your own advocate.... I also kept track of THEIR batting average. They SUCK. That was why it was so easy to let go of ALL of their circletalkingbullshitnonsense

Being your own advocate is NOT memorizing the Medieval Medical Mantra's. Sarno completely destroyed these in his texts, going through each one and pointing out major flaws in their assumptions , treatments and outcomes. The Pain business is batting .068, but everybody still runs to them to be the clean-up batter??? I would say they SUCK at what they do....incredibly low success rate.

I found a guy to help me with my anger post TMS. I got lucky. He was attentive and helped me... BUT, the most important thing was having a non-involved guy to listen to my dilemma's. Whether or not he understood every nuance of mine was NOT important.

and going backwards... YES, TMS Moves around... a lot. If you hear you have a 'deficiency' from the 'system' and you have not strengthened your BS detectors by becoming fluent in Sarno-ism, it will probably go there. They are always saying scary stuff... Hell, they probably create most of their own work. Maybe I oughta' go graffiti every building in my neighborhood so I can pick up a few extra Houses to pain this summer? (LOL)

All of us have been subjected to this stupid quarantine. It is rage inducing. Rage tends to create TMS. You can also flip it on it's head and USE this awareness of how angry and afraid we are to heal. Sarno was clear that outward circumstances do Not have to change for recovery... just inward understanding....

peace

 

Thanks for taking the time to review my saga.

Several years after I’d “cured” my back pain originally, following a severe recurrence of TMJ & some other symptoms, I had reason to suspect the Symptom Imperative was at play, and reached out to Dr. Sarno for some reassurance. He replied to my note promptly, because that’s the kind of guy he was, and his final recommendation to me was that I see an “analytical psychologist”. I’ve tried a handful of doctors since, but the combination of experience with pharmacology, mind-body medicine, and chronic pain, etc. remains elusive.

I wasn’t necessarily angry at the psychologist, just frustrated to have more of my time wasted. I don’t think therapy is for me, regardless of how qualified or attentive the doctor might be. I was willing to give it one more shot, but I mean, come on – not only did she not take any notes, but she must have been sleeping during our entire 1st session and the initial telephone consult.

I don’t have any attachment to the autoimmune disorder as a part of my identity. I do however point to it as an important part of any approach to treating this problem. The 1st topic any mental health professional is going to raise is childhood trauma. Beyond being diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease at age 6 and the related experiences, I don’t have any. I’ve spent some time thinking about the differences between “I have a bad back” vs. “I am having some back pain” – I think that’s what you’re getting at…

When every moment of every day is filled with so much pain it is difficult to shift my focus away from the body, I’ll admit. I HAVE been able to connect pain levels with inflammatory markers, posture/time at the computer, and the amount of Prednisone I’m taking. I HAVE NOT been able to the connect pain with any particular state of mind, stress (repressed or current), or experience. I don’t think I can gain a greater understanding of the TMS process or what drives it. I do believe it is the dominant source of my symptoms. At this point it would be odd if I wasn’t suffering from anxiety & depression. This awareness and understanding healed my back pain 25 years ago, but today it does nothing.

I’m so far down the rabbit hole at this point that it really does feel hopeless. I’m going to try another immunosuppressant, one that’s worked for me in the past, but this time I’ll be taking 4x the dose. I managed to get the insurance co. to shell out $16,500 for a month’s worth. If it does reduce the systemic inflammation & actually have a significant impact on my pain, I don’t know that I’ll so easily attribute it to a placebo effect.