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Back pain back after 8 years

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by HopefulHere, Nov 20, 2019.

  1. HopefulHere

    HopefulHere New Member

    I know this is TMS, but it's been so long that I forgot how it used to feel, and now I'm second guessing my resolve. I cured my back pain with Dr. Sarno's book 8 years ago, but yesterday it started up again. And I'm completely skewed to one side. I'm sure many of you know what I'm talking about.

    My torso is sort of leaning to the left. Like it looks like my hips are to the right, but someone moved everything above that to the left. I'm so stiff too. I can't stand up straight. The pain isn't as bad as it used to be, but I also have a mild numb feeling in my right foot and calf. My husband and I are trying to have a baby, and (tmi) I feel like I was in an awkward position last night and all of a sudden I got a strange mild numb/pain feeling in my lower back on the right and my right leg and then it just got worse, like maybe I really did pinch a nerve. I tried to think "this is TMS," and went to sleep expecting it to be gone in the morning, but it's still here and fear is building. I even had my legs shaking (weakness?) while I was standing today, which I don't remember ever happening when I had the pain years ago.

    I know I've had way too much pressure on me lately. This last week was bad. My best friend's dad passed away, my parents are planning a huge trip for Christmas we really can't afford, my husband is still not working, and his childhood friend's mother (who he is very overbearing and is buying him a car.... so he again can put off getting a job). He needs to learn to work hard for the things he wants. I'm furious. And worst of all, I can't say anything, because this person is like family and he has way too much emotional stuff from childhood wrapped up in thinking she is the sweetest person ever.

    I'd been dealing with all sorts of other health problems on and off (nothing serious, just distracting) over the last couple years, I even thought a couple weeks ago, "I wish I would just have back pain again as my tms thing," (I cannot believe I thought that). I was dealing with chest pain and a weird pressure feeling in my head and a very tight feeling around my neck (got it checked, was nothing). But yesterday I had a wellness visit with my PC and he basically proclaimed several times how healthy I was. So I clearly have nothing to worry about and distract my mind with. For the first time in a while, I felt totally secure in my health. And bam, several hours later, back pain, from a no(low)-impact event.

    All I can think now is how this trip for Christmas (that is for my parents, because they ware getting older and want to go before something might happen), could be ruined because I developed back pain a month before. I keep thinking, "what if it isn't gone by then."

    And my mother keeps saying I should just go to her chiropractor, which I don't believe in anymore, and that messes with my head and resolve. I definitely have the TMS personality too, even when things are gong well, I can't just be relaxed and happy about it. Something strikes, whether it is anxiety, some hypochondria, or now back pain agin.

    I'm currently working from home, remoting in, while lying in bed because I can't stand up straight.

    I could just really use some words of encouragement to beat this thing back.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2019
  2. hecate105

    hecate105 Well known member

    You are being a classic tms person - you do not feel you can be honest with your husband and family so you are sabotaging yourself - if you are in pain it makes it ok to cancel the trip etc etc......
    You know the answer - you need to be honest with yourself - and then with everyone else.
    There will be stress because you are thinking of creating a child when you do not feel financially secure, stress because you feel pushed into a holiday and expense by parents, stress from other peoples interference - however well-meaning.
    it would be good to have all this in the open and create a more honest dialogue with your husband - so that the two of you decide what course to take at any time and then be a united front to others. Only you can make your decisions - and then you are responsible for them....
    If you feel you cannot do this - yet or ever - then at least do the free SEP course on this site and JOURNAL all this stress and worry and anxiety.....
    Otherwise you will continue to suffer in silence and repress more stress - more pain - the circle continues.
    I know this is really hard - the scariest bit is being honest with yourself - you really are the most important person to convince, to listen to, to be responsible to.....
    I wish you luck - be kind to yourself....
     
    Aimee88 and aaron_rice like this.

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