For the last couple weeks I've been staying at a friend's apartment. I decided to break my sobriety and also decided to quit seeing the counselor I'd been seeing for the last 5 weeks. Tomorrow at 10am I will be signing papers for my own studio apartment. I've stopped caring about trying to fix the pain. I've stopped caring about trying to be perfect. I'm just living my life to best of my abilities with the circumstances I find in my present reality. I have been putting so much pressure on myself to deal with the TMS or to be perfect and not drink or not party or to meditate every day or do yoga everyday or do some sort of other pain relieving method every day. I wore myself out, which maybe is a good thing. See, it's not that I don't care, it's just that I've stopped trying and instead focused on being. I'm definitely still aware of all my desires to achieve, to be the best, to be healthy mentality and physically, but I'm just done with trying so hard. Nothing good has ever come to me through trying. The best things I've ever created in my life all came from awareness, non-resistance, presence and the right frame of mind. From that space, creation and healing are effortless. I don't know if this fits in with TMS theory, but I seem to be experiencing less pain. I've been exercising a few times a week for health benefits and reading Healing Back Pain, but other than that, I'm just living.