Back and forth between fear and acceptance

I'm trying so hard to fully accept I have tms but when the pain and numbness in my back get bad I automatically start worrying again that there is something seriously wrong. It's so hard to not think it should be getting better since I accepted it and then I realize I haven't completely done so yet. Is this common? Has anyone else ever had tingling tight back muscles? That is my main symptom and I feel like I am alone with that one. I did receive a diagnosis from a very good doctor who specializes in tms. He told me he has no doubt at all that tms is causing my symptoms. I've been to a few doctors and chiropractors and a spine specialist who all said it was nothing serious so it should be easy to accept its psychological. 12 days into the structured education program I feel like it's getting a little worse and it's hard not to be anxious about it.

 

For some people that initial acceptance can be the hardest thing of all, because (I think) we are conditioned to believe pain must be the result of some physiological problem. Of course it's worse when doctors and other clinicians feed that narrative; at least yours haven't it seems.

Jason Silvernail, a physical therapist of all things although in the mold of the newer evidence-based ones, wrote something I thought was very useful in this regard, to the effect that there can be a huge difference between what tissue looks like and what it feels like. In other words, there can be severe pain even in the absence of tissue damage, and vice versa.

 

First and Foremost, welcome to the TMS wiki, Dwiegman. Its a fantastic resource with a wealth of information and so many helpful and knowledgeable people.

Acceptance is something many of us struggle with, but that's primarily because some of us are misdiagnosed. Or, certain TMS symptoms confuse the medical world. The lack of a correct diagnosis breeds fear and discontent. But, the fact that you've been given a clear diagnosis by numerous specialist, put's you in such a strong place and should be empowering. I'd like to put emphasis on this comment:

Acceptance comes with time and awareness; seeing your pain lessen at different times of the day, or noticing these sensations move around the body and understanding there is a connection between mind body. Fear may well be another TMS symptom preventing us from fully believing in the diagnosis and working towards acceptance and healing. If you have the opportunity, perhaps create an evidence sheet to help you move past any doubts and uncertainty and perhaps try incorporating a meditation practice. This will help promote a healthy space between you and any thoughts of fear or anxiety, where you can observe without judgement.

There are numerous success stories on the forum for various symptoms, but I'd like to draw this one to your attention:

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/bye-bye-back-pain-tingling-numbness.2247/ (Bye bye back pain/tingling/numbness)

Hopefully, this can give you a little reassurance in the diagnosis and help ease some of the fear and worry that you currently have.

Feel free to ask any questions along the way. There are so many great people on the forum who are always willing to help.

With warmth and kindness,

 

This is very well put.

Dwiegman, This is the process we must all go through. Sometimes the evidence is so clear, that there are no doubts. Other times pain brings doubt. Isn't that natural? Try to witness your emotional and mental responses, and not "believe everything you think." Over time, the doubts lesson. Each person finds their own way, and in the right time. Be patient as possible, because fear fuels the cycle of TMS. Put a magnifying glass on the moments when there are exceptions. Contemplate these moments.. Contemplate that you are conditioned, with compassion.

 

Thank you for the great advice. I know you are right. I think I let worry seep in when I think about never having had an Mir of my spine. I had an xray but no Mri. It makes me think "how could the doctors have been sure." But then I remind myself that none of them even believed an mri was necessary. And an Mri of my brain and cervical spine when I first got the symptoms 3 years ago came back normal. And symptoms have definitely changed many times since they began. I think deep down I know it's tms and I'm getting closer to complete acceptance. For me the fear and worry are my biggest obvious issues but I have plenty to be stressed about too. I will continue with the program and see how it goes. This group is awesome and the support is something I didn't really have until I recently came on here. I never really talked to anyone about my symptoms except my wife and I think she gets tired of hearing it sometimes (can't say I blame her). Thanks again for all the responses.

 

You are welcome.

 

Hi, everyone. Fear is not easy to overcome, but it can be done through thinking positive and living in the present, not the past or future.

You folks are giving each other great advice and encouragement.

Pain can definitely make us doubt in the TMS theory that our emotions cause our symptoms. We just have to work on totally believing 100 percent in TMS.