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At the end of my rope

B

BlissfulYonath

New Member
I feel like I’m at the end of my rope with chronic pain. I’ve suffered various symptoms of pelvic pain for years and it’s starting to feel like a hole that I can’t dig myself out of. I’m a young man in my early twenties and at times I feel like I have no future because of my pain.


My symptoms include urinary frequency and rectal pain that intensifies after bowel movements. I’ve also dealt with anal fissures for a long time. For a while I thought an undiagnosed fissure was the source of my pain. Today, I finally had a colonoscopy and my doctor told me that everything looked normal and he had no explanation for my symptoms. This of course left me feeling extremely depressed because I was hoping he could find something treatable and straightforward.

As well as seeing a CRS, I’ve been to urologists, pelvic floor physiotherapists, and health psychologists all with no lasting benefit.


I’m familiar with the term “functional pain” and I’m aware that not all pain stems from tissue damage or structural problems. I’m struggling to believe that my pain is functional because it can be so debilitating at times. Also, my main trigger is the physical process of having a bowel movement. This leads me to believe that there must be a physical problem.


I feel like I’ve exhausted all of my medical options at this point and I’m starting to seriously consider TMS. I’ve had days and even weeks where my pain was manageable or not there at all. The problem is that I can’t identify what makes the pain better or worse. The last time my symptoms improved It was not a result of any change in behavior or TMS practice. It just feels like there is someone in charge of giving me pain and he took a vacation that week. I’m not new to TMS and mind body healing I just haven’t fully committed to because I always thought there could be a physical issue.


I’ve posted about my situation on another forum and got replies from people with my exact same symptoms who’ve never recovered. This left me feeling even more hopeless. If anyone has been in a similar situation and recovered I would love to hear some feedback or advice.
 
Hi srkellz45,

No similar symptoms here, but I've helped folks with digestive and pelvic pain issues.

I want to give you hope: I am reading that you don't have a physical diagnosis. This is a huge support for treating yourself with the TMS approach. Many of us have wasted a lot of time, money, and health dealing with "physical causes" which were mis-diagnoses. I am supposing you have too. I am encouraged by your latest finding because it seems you're finally getting to the end of that path. This is a huge part of engaging with a TMS approach. "If it isn't physical, then what is it?" Those of us who have successfully used the TMS approach, when arriving at that question, went deep into what Dr. Sarno has shown us.

The fact you have not associated the coming and going of pain with a particular trigger or emotional state is not a barrier! It is simply something to continue to inquire into. The inquiry itself -regardless of the perfect answer, is part of "thinking psychologically" which is a foundation of this approach.

There are several free programs over at the Wiki if you care to engage. I wish you the best.

Andy B
 
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Hi srkellz45!

I'm really sorry for your suffering. There's hope and this really does sound like a mind-body issue. And most importantly it's very much a condition that can be beaten!

I'm a long time lurker here, this is my first post. I never considered posting here really, but your post resonated with me. I've had identical issues like you for five years now. It actually started with a fissure that quickly healed but the pain was forever present since. The surgeons tried botox, and creams (Diltiazem, Rectogesic) without any relief. Interestingly I always had ZERO pain upon awakening but my attention to my bottom coupled with extreme distress, obsession and anxiety about the whole thing almost instantly made my muscles in the area clench even before I got out of bed. As time passed during the day and after a bowel movement the pain would get gradually worse until I just couldn't cope with it. My pain peaked around 12 pm - 2 pm.

After being nearly bed-ridden for two years because of the pain, I felt I couldn't go on living like this any longer. I had to break the cycle. At this time I didn't know about TMS at all but I started exercising several times a week even though I felt awful. After a while, like 3-4 months or so I started noticing that my stress levels got a tiny bit better on days after exercising and most importantly the tension in the nether regions started to die down a tiny bit. I thought this was interesting and that's about when I found out about TMS. In the beginning I had like 1 or 2 days a week that wasn't as terrible as before. Good days turned to whole weeks and whole weeks eventually became months of completly free of symptoms. I also took up my hobbies again and from there my well-being just snowballed and became better and better.

My symptoms were horrible. Shooting, throbbing, stabbing, aching pains, fullness and general sensitivity in the whole area around the opening and on the inside. Functional pain can be crippling, it can also go away completly, I'm living proof!

This year has been excellent from January to the end of September when I got the symptoms back. I had to sit through a course at work for several days on a really crappy chair that made my butt hurt a bit. My fearing, conditioned brain instantly went into high-alert and I'm once again stuck in the pain-cycle, just as bad as five years ago.

I've now accepted that the pain is fueled by my obsession and anxiety as there is no structural damage, just as in your case and this is now something I once again need to work on to have the pain go away again. I had a relapse in november last year and it took two months to clear up.

I realize this is becoming a long post but my message and advice for you would be:

1. Know your pain isn't caused by structural damage and believe in what the doctors tell you about your physical health. The body is an amazing healer in itself but our unconsious minds can sometimes be our worst enemy.
2. Do take painkillers if needed be. I do it and it helps. It's strong stuff but I need them to be able to tackle the issue at hand and not be crippled by anxiety in the process. When you get a grip on things and start feeling better you can get rid of all the pain-killers. When I take them I try to not judge myself negatively about it.
3. I know it's really hard but try exercising, even if the pain is excruciating (It's been for me everyday during this ordeal). I've had times I've laid on the couch crying afterwards but I really believe it's important with exercise in the long run as it's a natural stress and tension reliever.
4. Don't spend time on forums like Pudendal Hope, Pelvic Pain, Prostatitis and such. I've noticed most people on those forums use them as a pity party, not even remotely capable of grasping mind-body issues as a concept. They are too focused on structural issues that might not even be present.
5. Most importantly i believe, try to live a good life even if you are in pain. Do see friends, take up or continue hobbies. Living as you normally would reinforces what's good in life and can help you get out of the circle of despair.

Sorry for the wall of text. I'm really just getting back into the TMS mindset myself and the more seasoned members on this forum can probably give you much better advice on books, strategies, journaling etc. I just wanted to convey to you that at some point, you will come out on the other side of the tunnel.
 
@twirlybird

“Long time lurker” :joyful: laughed out loud at this. Despite your harrowing symptoms, both of you, isn’t it refreshing that a sense of humour is so important in our healing?

I love your post as it’s so supportive to @srkellz45 and we always think we are unique in our suffering and we feel isolated - not that I have this condition but for some reason both these posts made me want to reply. Time and time again people reach out to each other on here and it just makes my heart sing!

Warm wishes in your healing
 
Hi twirlybird,
I am thankful that you made your wonderful post, and I hope you continue to offer support to members here. I hope srkellz45 takes your words in deeply! Please consider creating your own post too, so that others might respond and offer support. I have some ideas...
Andy B
 
srkellz45 said:
I feel like I’m at the end of my rope with chronic pain. I’ve suffered various symptoms of pelvic pain for years and it’s starting to feel like a hole that I can’t dig myself out of. I’m a young man in my early twenties and at times I feel like I have no future because of my pain.

My symptoms include urinary frequency and rectal pain that intensifies after bowel movements. I’ve also dealt with anal fissures for a long time. For a while I thought an undiagnosed fissure was the source of my pain. Today, I finally had a colonoscopy and my doctor told me that everything looked normal and he had no explanation for my symptoms. This of course left me feeling extremely depressed because I was hoping he could find something treatable and straightforward.

As well as seeing a CRS, I’ve been to urologists, pelvic floor physiotherapists, and health psychologists all with no lasting benefit.

I’m familiar with the term “functional pain” and I’m aware that not all pain stems from tissue damage or structural problems. I’m struggling to believe that my pain is functional because it can be so debilitating at times. Also, my main trigger is the physical process of having a bowel movement. This leads me to believe that there must be a physical problem.

I feel like I’ve exhausted all of my medical options at this point and I’m starting to seriously consider TMS. I’ve had days and even weeks where my pain was manageable or not there at all. The problem is that I can’t identify what makes the pain better or worse. The last time my symptoms improved It was not a result of any change in behavior or TMS practice. It just feels like there is someone in charge of giving me pain and he took a vacation that week. I’m not new to TMS and mind body healing I just haven’t fully committed to because I always thought there could be a physical issue.

I’ve posted about my situation on another forum and got replies from people with my exact same symptoms who’ve never recovered. This left me feeling even more hopeless. If anyone has been in a similar situation and recovered I would love to hear some feedback or advice.
Click to expand...

Hello,

I never dealt with those symptoms BUT I really identify with the spot you are in. Your story sounds very similar to mine right before I committed to TMS. I was familiar with Sarno, but I thought there was no way that something wasn't wrong with my body. And, like you, it was when I exhausted all other options that I turned to TMS work. The irony is it was the treatment approach I needed the whole time.
I know it can feel depressing to have doctors tell you that your body looks fine, meanwhile you are in debilitating levels of pain, but this is really an opportunity start TMS work (or whatever you want to call it) with even greater belief that there is nothing physically wrong with you.
Even if you are in more pain after a bowel movement, this does not mean it is not TMS; TMS changes the body, and it is not all 'in your head'. The point is that your symptoms are emotionally-psychologically driven, and that approaching your recovery in any other way will ensure the symptoms continue.
The more I recover, the more I'm amazed at the devastating symptoms TMS can create, ones that totally disable a person.
YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. So many of us here have had disabling symptoms, lost jobs, lost friends, lost months or years of our lives, until we discovered this healing approach. We each thought our case was different, but we learned that we're all in the same boat, struggling with symptoms that are driven by emotional and psychological factors.

I think it's great you're here. Whether or not you try this approach is up to you, but it sounds like you have a lot to gain from trying it and virtually nothing to lose.

Wishing you the best
 
If numerous doctors say that there is nothing wrong - then they are right. I myself have huge difficulties accepting this. Right now I have again urethra pain, the vulva feels sore (sorry, for the details) and I start to catastrophize. I also start to think that they might have overlooked something. But, really, a dozens doctors during the last 20 years - even in two different European countries - have overlooked an infection ... not likely.
The TMS diagnosis is for some of us difficult so digest. Especially if you had some success - I had pain free periods. And then, bam, the pain starts again and it throws me into the same panic and thoughts like before.
But this is me, and there are numerous who learned to live pain free. So, take courage! I will also ...
 
Last edited:
twirlybird said:
Hi srkellz45!

I'm really sorry for your suffering. There's hope and this really does sound like a mind-body issue. And most importantly it's very much a condition that can be beaten!

I'm a long time lurker here, this is my first post. I never considered posting here really, but your post resonated with me. I've had identical issues like you for five years now. It actually started with a fissure that quickly healed but the pain was forever present since. The surgeons tried botox, and creams (Diltiazem, Rectogesic) without any relief. Interestingly I always had ZERO pain upon awakening but my attention to my bottom coupled with extreme distress, obsession and anxiety about the whole thing almost instantly made my muscles in the area clench even before I got out of bed. As time passed during the day and after a bowel movement the pain would get gradually worse until I just couldn't cope with it. My pain peaked around 12 pm - 2 pm.

After being nearly bed-ridden for two years because of the pain, I felt I couldn't go on living like this any longer. I had to break the cycle. At this time I didn't know about TMS at all but I started exercising several times a week even though I felt awful. After a while, like 3-4 months or so I started noticing that my stress levels got a tiny bit better on days after exercising and most importantly the tension in the nether regions started to die down a tiny bit. I thought this was interesting and that's about when I found out about TMS. In the beginning I had like 1 or 2 days a week that wasn't as terrible as before. Good days turned to whole weeks and whole weeks eventually became months of completly free of symptoms. I also took up my hobbies again and from there my well-being just snowballed and became better and better.

My symptoms were horrible. Shooting, throbbing, stabbing, aching pains, fullness and general sensitivity in the whole area around the opening and on the inside. Functional pain can be crippling, it can also go away completly, I'm living proof!

This year has been excellent from January to the end of September when I got the symptoms back. I had to sit through a course at work for several days on a really crappy chair that made my butt hurt a bit. My fearing, conditioned brain instantly went into high-alert and I'm once again stuck in the pain-cycle, just as bad as five years ago.

I've now accepted that the pain is fueled by my obsession and anxiety as there is no structural damage, just as in your case and this is now something I once again need to work on to have the pain go away again. I had a relapse in november last year and it took two months to clear up.

I realize this is becoming a long post but my message and advice for you would be:

1. Know your pain isn't caused by structural damage and believe in what the doctors tell you about your physical health. The body is an amazing healer in itself but our unconsious minds can sometimes be our worst enemy.
2. Do take painkillers if needed be. I do it and it helps. It's strong stuff but I need them to be able to tackle the issue at hand and not be crippled by anxiety in the process. When you get a grip on things and start feeling better you can get rid of all the pain-killers. When I take them I try to not judge myself negatively about it.
3. I know it's really hard but try exercising, even if the pain is excruciating (It's been for me everyday during this ordeal). I've had times I've laid on the couch crying afterwards but I really believe it's important with exercise in the long run as it's a natural stress and tension reliever.
4. Don't spend time on forums like Pudendal Hope, Pelvic Pain, Prostatitis and such. I've noticed most people on those forums use them as a pity party, not even remotely capable of grasping mind-body issues as a concept. They are too focused on structural issues that might not even be present.
5. Most importantly i believe, try to live a good life even if you are in pain. Do see friends, take up or continue hobbies. Living as you normally would reinforces what's good in life and can help you get out of the circle of despair.

Sorry for the wall of text. I'm really just getting back into the TMS mindset myself and the more seasoned members on this forum can probably give you much better advice on books, strategies, journaling etc. I just wanted to convey to you that at some point, you will come out on the other side of the tunnel.
Click to expand...

Thank you for this reply. It's been difficult for me to accept that my pain is linked to my emotions and stress but reading posts like this really helps push me in the right direction. I've bookmarked this thread and I've been re-reading your reply whenever I need some affirmation that it's possible to heal from this.
 
srkellz45 said:
Thank you for this reply. It's been difficult for me to accept that my pain is linked to my emotions and stress but reading posts like this really helps push me in the right direction. I've bookmarked this thread and I've been re-reading your reply whenever I need some affirmation that it's possible to heal from this.
Click to expand...

Good to hear, I'm currently struggling with this problem once again. I'm about to post my own thread to hopefully get some advice.
 
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