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Assertiveness and TMS Recovery

Shanshu Vampyr

Shanshu Vampyr

Well known member
*repost*

Proud to report that I managed to stay away from the Xanax/Valium last night, without developing a "complex" about it even if I did. (There's a reason, I guess, they're prescribed "as needed"; sometimes they're useful). Even prouder that I have been managing to navigate through a horrendously busy night (admissions left and right) with an assertive and CALM mindset; I typically hate admissions. Still do. Prouder still that I managed to be mindful enough "in the moment" to stop myself from being roped into extra work by a fellow second-year, and assertive enough to propose a fair (emphasis on "fair") alternative that worked out better for not just ME, but the workings of the team in general.

Score one for mindful, assertive Phil, looking out for the child within, not letting himself be bullied. :)
 
Doth journaleth:

"I know it's difficult. But there are ways to be in a subordinate role without selling out either your peers or YOUR self-respect in the process. It was hard as a 'tern. Still hard as a PGY-2. But no matter what road I follow in life, TMS has taught me that it's OK to stand up for myself. <Peer #1> can do it. <Peer #2> can do it. Being assertive, not abrasive, is helpful in TMS recovery. No need to be a terminal people-pleaser."

Coming from the standpoint of someone who's used to letting people walk all over them ("I must say/do this so I won't get fired"), this is progress for me. :)
 
Right On!

Damn straight it's OK to be assertive. Being assertive where it won't hurt you is actually positive. I've got many family members who want to come to the coast this summer. I've told them all no. I can't handle my plate AND entertaining. So - "goodist beach-girl" would have said "Sure c'mon down!" whereas Assertive beach-girl is saying "No sorry, we have too much going on. If you do come to the beach, be sure and stop by the store and say hi" - only I'm rarely at the store.

It's the way through. What works for you. What can you do to alter the situation so that anxiety and fear don't take over? And it sounds like you're finding this works. Me too.

Here's to us!

BG
 
I had a convo with that fellow second year afterwards when the night slowed down and I could tell by his tone and body language that although he didn't enjoy doing that other admission per my request, ultimately he agreed it would expedite the night and he respected me for speaking up. Awesome.
 
/rant mode on/

So tired of the *other* resident getting a free ride whereas, every time *I've* been point person overnight, I get slammed with admissions. I've got another ICU admission on the way. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

EVEN MORE TIRED OF THE INTERNAL BULLY "PLAYING FOR THE OTHER TEAM"!!!!!! Bully just taunted me with, "Well, last time the *other* guy was on Night Float he was on by himself. At least you're not alone on nights the whole month."

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!! Betrayed much? Betrayed by the FUCKING LITTLE VOICE IN MY HEAD ALL THE FUCKING TIME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

SOOOOO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS INTERNAL BULLY SHIT!!!!!!!

Maybe the other guy needs to do some work to like, justify getting paid.

/rant mode off/

TMS pain, in this case, is a function of being treated like a dog at work and NOT BEING ABLE TO SAY OR DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT.

About the only good thing about this ICU admit is that she'll be intubated and on a vent so I don't have to listen to her. I'm normally a compassionate person, and INTERESTED in listening to people but listening to people whine about their medical problems when they don't take care of themselves in the first place infuriates me. In a comparable situation, at least I'M trying my best to "fix" and "help" myself.

I just admitted a local physician who's had a bad postoperative course after bladder resection from his 40 pack-year history of smoking cigarettes. At least he had the decency and the humility to accept responsibility for his part of the whole mess.

So the question remains, how do you remain assertive when you're *nearly* at the bottom of the hierarchy and you CAN'T SAY SHIT?!?!?! I'm not just pissed that I'm trapped like a rat in the hospital, I'm even more furious that my INTERNAL ASSHAT is mocking me.
 
Text string from my older sister to me just now:

"Woke up nightmare profound guilt about not having to tough it like our parents did"

"Guilt is a defense mechanism. Our parents were bullies never telling us we were good enough. Over time they've implanted in our heads. We have internal bullies now. Doesn't it make you livid and furious about how much of a victim that dream makes you? Do you want to be strong and powerful and fully own yourself or do you want to be that little girl that Ma and Pa want you to be, cowering in the corner from them? You may not have the pain but you certainly have TMS. And I do think your neck pain is TMS. Look, the little girl inside you is crying for attention. All the little girl has done is please her parents, who never provided a safe environment. I can't make you see it the way I now see it until your defense mechanisms allow it. But the guilt is a defense mechanism. You, like me, were terrorized by brittle parents."

"Visualize brutalizing Ma and Pa. I bet you can't. Those are defense mechanisms preventing you from feeling childhood rage. I have the same blocks."

"The guilt and love are defense mechanisms preventing you from accessing the little child inside who so desperately needed love and affection and NEVER GOT IT. The internal bully is saying, "Look at you, you never amount to much, you're 35 and unmarried, you're gonna be a spinster woman forever. All you have is your career and you don't have anyone to love you." Doesn't that sound like a voice from the past? Doesn't that make you FURIOUS? Doesn't the internal bully make you LIVID, following you around and whispering negativisms in your ear? FIGHT BACK! Be a strong powerful woman! Touch base with the strong Izzy!"
 
Empowerment Phil is ascendant again! Levelling internal demons with acts of indescribable *mental* fury!!!

"In my head I stand victorious amidst a field of decimated, bloody corpses."

Empowerment-wolf.

*RAWR!!!!!!* *shifts into vampire-face, roaring with animalistic fury*

...then de-escalates, and *hugs* Bear.
 
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