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Day 2 Are anger and sadness the same thing?

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Misha, Jun 6, 2016.

  1. Misha

    Misha Peer Supporter

    I was just completing the activity that asks you to list things that make you angry and sad. I had a long list for sad but struggled to get anything for anger. I found that everything that I considered might be a source of anger seemed more like a source of sadness e.g. my husband is consistently late out of his office when we collect him after work (without a good reason). His making us wait makes me sad because it makes me feel like he values his time more than mine and doesn't care we are left waiting etc. etc. Or if I am cut off in traffic, I feel sad that people can be so inconsiderate towards each other rather than angry I was cut off.

    Am I deluding myself here and avoiding anger?

    I've read that anger is really just a form of sadness. Is this true?

    I know anger/rage is such a big component of Dr. Sarno's work so I feel this is an important point for me.
  2. Gigi

    Gigi Well known member

    Hi Sara. I've heard depression described as anger turned inward. I think that the examples you give, in which you get sad, may very well provoke anger in another person. Perhaps the activity that asks you to list these events is leading you to journal about them and explore these feelings. Maybe you'll even decide to discuss your feelings with your husband so he knows how his chronic lateness affects you.
    Blessings as you delve deeper into some of these issues.
    Misha likes this.
  3. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Sara,

    I had the same experience when I began journaling. Only sadness came up. As I explored my feelings I began to realize that this came from a profound underlying lack of self esteem. Basically, I blamed myself for everything and felt sad. I think anger requires blaming someone else for your situation. In psychology they talk about the difference between emotions being "internalized" or "externalized".

    I would just keep exploring your feelings and see where things lead. I learned a lot about myself in the process.

    Best wishes to you, and welcome to the Forum.
    plum, Misha and mike2014 like this.
  4. mike2014

    mike2014 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Excellent posts, as always Ellen. You're such a kind and supportive lady and I continually learn so much from you. Thank you.
    plum, Misha and Ellen like this.
  5. Mala

    Mala Well known member

    Maybe u r sad becoz u r not able to express yr anger? Have ever tried asking yr husband why he keeps u waiting?

    Misha likes this.
  6. Misha

    Misha Peer Supporter

    Thank you for everyone for your kind replies, I appreciate you taking the time.

    I have spoken to my husband about this (keeping us waiting) and similar issues and he tends to think that I'm overreacting. I tend to feel silly bringing these issues up and probably don't really explain why the behaviour upsets me.

    I definitely am uncomfortable with anger. My father would become very angry on a regular basis when I was growing up. He was never violent but the yelling scared me. Even now if my husband and I have a disagreement and he even raises his voice, I tend to fall the pieces and cry, as I did growing up. So as Mala said, I most likely am not comfortable saying I'm angry and try to make it into sadness.

    Gigi's comment about anger turned inward is depression interests me. Before my pain started I was experiencing mild depression and before that a lot of 'frustrations' about some issues in our life. Looking back, this was more than frustration, it must have been anger.

    Ellen mentioned self-esteem and this is a big issue for me. I suppose in a way I don't feel entitled to get angry at others.

    You've all given me a lot to ponder, thank you :)
    plum, mike2014 and yb44 like this.
  7. Mala

    Mala Well known member

    Hi Sara just a few more thoughts.

    Anger unexpressed can lead to all kinds of problems which can manifest emotionally or even physically.

    I can understand how hard it must be for u to express anger after u mentioned yr father. I'm so sorry. But anger needs to be expressed & can be done constructively.
    Anger can be healing and learning to express it appropriately can be transforming.

    You shld never feel silly about raising important issues & no one should make u feel that way. You may need to address this too.

    Maybe some journalling would help?

    As the others mentioned anger, sadness, depression & anxiety can all be interlinked.

    All the best

  8. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle


    I'm not entirely sure anger and sadness are the same thing although both possibly involve issues of loss. Some time ago I chatted with Dr. Schu and he suggested that the root cause for me may be sorrow not anger (although anger is inevitably part and parcel of the equation).

    My tms coincided with my partner receiving a diagnosis of Parkinsons. Dr. Schu rightly identified that beneath any anger I was doubtless grieving many losses due to this. I was in my 30's at the time so at a life-point where most people are still creating and building their lives I was thrust into an experience typically reserved for much later in life. So many losses have come from this but it is not all bad. My relationship is brilliant and utterly transformed into something beautiful. I guess we did a lot of pulling weeds and planting flowers. :)

    Anger is galvanising. It's that surge of power and heat to assert, right a wrong, quell a foe. Sadness and indeed Sorrow are infinitely more reflective and cool, quiet emotions.

    Perhaps we get in a pickle when we hold anger in and hold sadness back. Each urges its own existence. When we feel them and acknowledge them they begin to pass. Dwelling on the thoughts they inspire may be the heart of the problem.

  9. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, all. I never thought I was angry about my parents divorcing when I was seven years old. It left me with feelings of abandonment and insecurity. I developed severe back pain about two years ago and read D. Sarno and his book on TMS and the ache went away when I journaled about my boyhood trauma. It still isn;t easy for me to distinguish between anger and sadness, but I guess my subconscious saw it as repressed anger.

    I try now to live in the present moment. Take each hour and day as they come. I think it's very helpful to identify what makes us angry or sad, but not to dwell on it. Be happy in the present moment.
  10. Maribel

    Maribel New Member

    Check out rocksteadyboxing.org they use boxing as a means of healing Parkinson and it works! It brings out the anger and repressed emotions and people start moving. Maybe you should go and do it also!!!

    the second thing to explore is the site of pdrecovery.org - they approach it from the meridian stand point and see it as fear that disconnects the person from feeling with the hear and healing!!

    My mum has Parkinson - that is why I explored all options - she preferred the medication option and is now drugged into oblivion. That is a huge sorrow for me!!!!!
  11. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hey, thank you for this reply. I greatly appreciate it.
    I am so sorry to hear your mum has Parkinson's. Most people collapse into the diagnosis and do little to challenge or fight it. Thank the gods my partner is not one of them. He defied a terminal prognosis and continues to improve. I've bookmarked Rock Steady Boxing and shall show him the site later. The pdrecovery site is familiar to me as I explored it at length a long time ago but because my partner has taken medications he is not eligible for their programme. (I actually dispute their claim that people who have ever taken dopamine-enhancing medications cannot recover and consider their writings on this to be a dangerous example of the nocebo effect.) However I am in no doubt that emotions are an incredibly important factor in the genesis and *progression* of Parkinson's. Much of the TMS protocol does well in this regard.

    Thank you again for the links and consideration.


    Plum x
  12. futuredancer

    futuredancer Peer Supporter

    I tend to feel the same way, Misha. Sadness is more like a "natural" reaction to me than anger. But I can see that the anger exists in my case for not feeling respected and that makes me sad. So it is like two chained feelings but I only feel the last one. One day, when dealing with my husband (I go thru the same as you, Misha), he did one of the things that really annoy me and I told him that I felt as if he was doing it only to annoy me. It kind of reversed everything. Instead of not feeling respected, I took another role as being "provoked", which put me in a position of protagonism rather than just feeling like a doormat. He replied no, but he surprisingly changed his behaviour. I don't know what exactly went through his mind, but what matters is how I felt in the process. And with empowerment, sadness left me and it took me back to anger, which seemed to be the root. I could be wrong but it makes a lot of sense to me.
  13. nelle

    nelle Peer Supporter

    hello Misha ,

    I generally feel the same ,when i experience things and peoples actions that could make me angry ,i often skip anger and go to sad .I have a similar issue with my partner who i do alot for and he has an inability to communicate and make plans . Which means if i wish to spend time with him i have to do alot of hanging around patiently waiting and some times this can be for hours. Which also makes me feel like he dosent mind waisting my time . I see t his as part of his makeup , though i do get angry if he acts like hes being hassled by me wanting any sign from him what his intention are. Frustrating .
    Maybe Misha i shouldn't wait endlessly for my partner and just go out with out him .
    Maybe you should give your husband a window of time and if he is not out then he can find another way home .
    My partner would not waite around for me .
    Hard when you love them .
    nelle x

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